Why Me?

my name is nesbit spoon you might say i'm an average kind of a person today was an average kind of day except i left the office early to visit my doctor what he had to tell me was just about the worst news anyone could hear before i could even deal with it i went through some pretty typical reactions anybody would have got this kind of news you would i would anybody nurse send in my next patient please good afternoon doctor uh yes uh come in mr spoon come in yes sit down sit down please thank you doctor uh mr spoon i have something important to uh to tell you um i'm afraid it's going to be something of a shock is something wrong doctor uh mr spoon it's like this you only have a limited time left to live limited time how how long do i have you have exactly five minutes did i hear you correctly for five minutes yes fine you're kidding boy doc you know you got a wild sense of humor this is a joke right doctors don't joke well it's good my condition isn't as serious as it could be huh five minutes well it was five minutes it's now four minutes and 37 seconds no no no no i can't be my horoscope said nothing about this nice weather today isn't believe it that's it doctor you've got me mixed with another spoon there's lots of spoons in this town it would be nice to believe that but we must be realistic damn no no no no why me why me what did i do why me why me why me why why why i hate you i sympathize it's natural to feel angry that's who you killed [Music] i'm going to sue i'm going to sue you black white and blue just a spoon calm down there's don't you think you should lie down i'll die standing up thank you very much uh how's the time uh three minutes and 20 seconds okay look look there's there's got to be a new a miracle drug right a miracle drug something new on the market you know all about them something to give me time hey i'll be your guinea pig experiment put me in the lab put me in a cage put me under the microscope do anything get me a specialist i am a specialist a real one i promise not to sue okay look doc look look let's make a deal what do you want money i got money a car i have a car you want a car you got a car a house i have a house you have a house credit card anything you name it spoon i'm sorry there can be no deal freezing what about freezing me like they do to those texas millionaires you mean cryogenics cryogenics it's the name given to a contemporary science that requires the patient to be frozen before the actual moment of death and held in a suspended state at a sub-human temperature until such time as a cure for the patient's illness is discovered i want it in my professional opinion mr spoon it's a big waste of time i don't care freeze me freeze me freeze me i'm sorry there's not enough time for that now how long two and a half minutes two and a half minutes [Laughter] why should you care anything i care a lot you don't care i do nobody cares i do why should they they're all happy i'm a nobody no one will miss me i know how you must feel you don't know how i feel but i do you don't i do you don't i really do i'm a doctor i'm a dead duck why face the future there's nothing left [Music] you're not alone look you have time left to live admittedly not much time but i urge you to be positive and make the most of what time is left boy you're quite a philosopher doc i guess you're right shouldn't waste what time is left that's the spirit that's what i regret most in life all the time wasted wasted time rushing about rush for what for nothing i know too well the story of my life oh he's too busy for the basic pleasures of life you know i could have played the piano like picasso there was no time to practice all the places i wanted to go the taj mahal the power of london the eiffel tower all those places bridges i never saw the canyons the deserts and things the how's the temperatures the vistas the views of the people the costumes so all the mountains all of everything where was i what are you laughing at doc go on laugh i don't care there should be more laughter in life right you see doc this is the way i look at it we've all got to go sometimes right you're right even you duck five minutes five months five years everybody's gotta go true true talk about dying you ever see john wayne die in the alamo oh what a movie wow he gets his spear right through his chest goes clean through him bends him to the wall but he snaps it into pulls it out and starts killing everybody with oh you scared me you still have a minute ten a minute ten why don't you say so what are we wasting time for there's no time to lose absolutely nurse hold all my calls i gotta contact my lawyer got to let him know listen you've got a lot on your mind i'll contact your lawyer later uh anyone else yes have the office cancel my subscription to rodent track will do thanks doc you're real pal it's the least i can do oh before i forget say uh this is for the damage i did to the office oh there's no need i want to take care of everything you understand of course well well how much longer doctor uh coming up to uh 30 seconds 30 seconds stock i want to say thanks for everything you got me so the roughest time of my life and i love you for it mr spoon where are you going you only have 30 seconds right and i'm going out there to live every last second to the fall so long doc you