Turning Points (1978)

[Music] But you girls don't go to college. At least in my day, that's how it was. A woman should be home to take care of a home and a husband. That was her role because that's the way I was brought up. Tell me what you wanted for dinner. Use your imagination. Come on. I originally had wanted to be a singer. I had loved dancing and my mother had stopped my lessons for some reason. Something I did wrong and she stopped my lessons. I had I did extremely well in that. Then I figured, well, get out of school, you meet a guy and you get married and he takes care of you for the rest of your life. Really? You don't really have too many goals at that age. You feel you have so many more years left to live. It comes pretty quick. Come on, open the eyes. It's time to get up. Okay, kids. Pancakes. Okay. Yeah. Sure. Yeah. Glenn, what kind of a lunch do you want tomorrow? Peanut butter and jelly. Good. Lance gave me the wrong sandwich. What do you mean, Lance? What did you give her? I gave you cheesec. She wanted li and cheese. And I got bologoney. And Glenn got the liver. I graduated at 19 because I had to repeat six months. And I went to work for the telephone company and that's where I met my husband. I went to work on February 14th and two years later to the day on February 14th I left on a maternity leave with my oldest son and then I had my daughter and from 24 to about 35 before I had my third it was uh very dull. There was nothing for me to do. I felt useless and I felt just taking care of children. There had to be something more than this. And when they got to be like in the sixth grade and the eighth grade, I had nothing to do because there was nothing more. What? And then I had Lance. And then I had Deborah. And then I had uh Glenn. Come on. You're going to eat all that? Oh my god. Milk here. You're going to be full of burst after we can eat it or I'll eat it. at work where I work now in Alexander in talking to people I just happened to remark casually that I had always been interested in nursing and somebody had said to me well why don't you go to school and I laughed cuz I figured you know at my age now you stand out like a sore thumb with all the kids and I figured how would the brain react you know your brain if it gets like your body wrinkled believe me the brain has got to deteriorate just as bad as the body and I says how would I work it in with the the house, the kids, the kids get sick or how would he accept it? He would think I was nuts. I just didn't know how I was going to do it. So, one of the girls I'm work I was working with, she's 19, but she acts a lot older. She says, "Come on, I'll go down with you." And that's how I went down to the college. I went ahead and got my uh records and I figured, well, if I got that far and I submitted money, I would follow through. It was just something I had to try. I really had to see if I could do it. And uh that remains to be seen yet. [Music] What we'll deal deal with today is going to be the kind of learning that's very fundamental because it starts with the simplest kind of behavior. It's the smallest unit of behavior. It's organized at the level of the spinal cord I hope we remember. And it deals with uh simple connection between a stimulus and a response will indicate what kind of stimulus what kind of response will I felt like a fish out of water at first. When I walked into English they thought I was the teacher and they says okay now what are we going to do? I said I'm not the teacher I'm the student. And they just looked at me and I didn't say anything but uh it was very hectic. I I felt very strange. I didn't want to talk out. I when the professor would talk, I would just shut up, you know, and I figured, well, that's that was that was really insane. Why shut up, you know? That's what I'm here for. Then I found out you can be very verbal without being chastised or punished like in the high school. The kind of behavior that's involved with this kind of learning makes up the very fabric. It's it's the basic texture of life. So, you tell me what do we mean when we talk about gut reactions? When I know I'm late coming home and my husband's going to be annoyed, I have such a gut feeling of being sick that he's not going to believe it. But there's another sense in which you're using the term feeling now knowing I was a lousy student in high school and in grammar school. I hate it with a passion and I figured what was I trying to prove? Was I trying to be uh just so they could look and say, "Isn't that fantastic? She's doing something wonderful." and I just didn't know if I could do the work, the reading, the comprehension, the retention, uh just going back to school, just the whole concept was so foreign to me that I really couldn't uh I couldn't believe I was doing it until now. It's really starting to sink in now that I really I'm doing it where most people when they have to go visit somebody in a hospital, they dread it. I don't. I find it very fascinating. Two babies I am a freshman here, first year after 26 years of not going to school. And I would really like to know what curriculum I have to pursue in order to become a nurse. If you were to take bio and science next semester, which would be the spring, right? Then you would start nursing core courses, hospital courses in the fall. All right. Now, Mrs. Fisher, do you feel that it's detrimental at my age, which is 44 now, and I've raised five children. I still have three home. Do you feel that the brain is still active enough to learn? We had a student here who was a nursing student who, when she started was 67 years old. You're kidding. No, I'm not kidding. You see, before you go to school, you peel a potato one way, but once you go to college, you do it with a theory. Yeah, it shows that my brain can function beyond what it was doing at home outside of changing a diaper, putting potatoes on, or watching a soap opera. In fact, since I'm going to school, the soap operas seem so nonsensical really. They're really ridiculous. And it opens up uh different attitudes and I find myself getting very independent, which I know he's not going to like, but you learn other words. There were words in the dictionary you never knew were there and you can deal with the things so differently. Bill, yeah, can you cut some of that meat? Usually I do that. Is he eating here? No, he's gone for the day. I'm lucky he'll take the dishes off the table, but uh the house must still run the same. There's no uh there's no devian. You can't change. Every once in a while I realize I'll do something that I you know normally wouldn't have done and I just did it. I don't know why but you do you adapt I guess yourself to uh changes things that I wouldn't never have touched before I might do. Not to be nice or nothing but just you you kind of do some clean dishes sometimes. You know, before I'd never do I just would walk away, which most people do. Her time in between work and school. Some days there's not a minute's rest, you know. So you there's no time to stand cook a roast. I'll put it that way, you know. So you you wind up with a couple of minutes takes when you like maybe a roast dinner, but that's no problem. I figured there'd be problems to a point, but it I felt it was the days and he's not home days. So, uh, I just told him one day, I says, "I went back to my high school and, uh, I'm going back to, uh, you know, to get my records and I'm going to school." He laughed, but he more or less knows when I say, "I'm I'll do it." Yeah. I know before she even went to work with anything, if she got a virus or something, she'd be maybe laying on the couch for three or four days with, you know, with a terrible fever of 99 and, you know, and dying. Now, she can be dying. I say stay home or don't either don't go to college or don't go to work, you know, hey, you're sick and go throw the water on her face or whatever it is and out the door and you go and the next day she's recovered. Before it was almost terminal illness with the 99 fever. When you get a little older, you you you know what you want and you you know what you have to do to do it and uh you push yourself maybe to do it. How'd you like your grandmother? She's done four. You kidding? What? Young or old? In in my early 20 30s. What's that? Old. That's 32. Is that old? No, you're old. That's a piece. Huh? By the time I get everybody's meal on the table and you cut up all the meat and you sit down to a cold meal, it's like 5 after 10 after 5. By this point, I've already gotten dressed, put on my makeup, and combed the hair. So, all I have to do is run out the door, get in the car, run to work. What's up, buddy? Bye-bye, baby. Don't throw a kiss. I can't reach you. Show me a kiss. Okay. Do all your homeworks. Go to bed. Okay. I'll go dirty. No, you go with daddy. Okay. I didn't go back to work until uh Linda was 11 years old and William was 13. Okay. I was very bored at home and it was much against my husband's wishes, but I did it anyway. And the idea that uh I could bring home my own money, no matter how little it was me, I was doing it. It wasn't that I had to go to my husband and say, "I need a pair of stockings." And if he felt you had enough stockings for this month, that's it. You only get two pairs and you can't have three. [Music] Okay. Where is that? Ladies dresses both. Yeah. 315 55 and 3115, not 11. No. Okay. As far as getting an education, getting a degree, it's going to guarantee me, I hope, more money. It's going to fulfill something I've wanted to do that I couldn't do when I was younger. Unless the whole country just goes down the drain, you're still going to need a nurse. I don't know. I sort of liked St. Brendan's because I was like uh always pulling stunts, you know, always getting into trouble. But I I loved it. I had a lot of good friends. My parents, first of all, did never finished high school. Okay. They were they grew up during the depression as I heard so many times in my life. And they wanted us to go to good schools and they believed that the Catholic schools were the best because you were Catholic and because they were private. and my father worked his tail off in order to put us through these schools and they were expensive. All four of us went through them. We were going in my last year of high school. I was about 19 and a half 20 when we we got engaged and I tried breaking off with him about 2 months before the wedding, but he begged me on the IRT in front of a lot of people. So I went ahead with it and we got married. We were married about 11 months when I got pregnant and nine months later I had the baby and a week later we broke up. He just decided he wanted no responsibility for Danny at all. So then I was on my own and after about a year a girlfriend uh told me that she was on welfare and she told me how she went about it and that I was entitled to it. I had really never been on my own. Like moved out of my parents house and had my own apartment. And as independent as I thought I was, I found out how scary it could be. Like the first time you're on your own, I had a week old baby. And that really frightened the life out of me. I wasn't um all that confidence, all that independence went right down the tubes because I wasn't sure. I said, you know, how could I take care of me? When Danny was about say about eight months, eight or nine months old. Um, I don't know. I just decided that I couldn't stand it anymore. I couldn't stand the tension, the fear, and I had to do something about it. And I didn't like the idea that I wasn't in control of myself. So, I just uh took the phone off the hook and told everybody to stay away from the house. And I just sat there and each time I had a few minutes, I'd sit down and just work out everything that I thought was a problem. And uh after about 2 or 3 weeks, I found out that all the problems were created by me. and by no one else. And that if I wanted to succeed, I could. And that's when it started. And I said, you know, dummy, get back to school. Get yourself going. I said, well, let me start slow. And I went back at night. There was an older crowd at night, people like my age and older, and I felt really good about being there. I felt good about getting out at night, talking to people, conversing, whatever. You know, it was just really good to do it. It felt so stimulating. And then in February of 77, I went full-time back to school because my son made the daycare center and he went to school and I went to school. Have a nice day. Okay. You have a nice day. All right. Now, go with your arm. Okay. You want to use pads? [Music] I got green. Where's green? That's green. Right. Stop for a moment and actually let your thoughts picture for you the conduct of somebody who has thoroughly understood. My sister is an RN and I saw the money she was making and uh when I was going to go back I said well it's a good career get into it because you can make a lot of money. I mean that was basically I had to find a means of support that was a good means of support for my son. I wanted to give him a future and uh when I got back I uh was in the registars's office and I ended up talking to uh professor Collins and she just said to me look you know what would you really I said if I can make the same amount of money you know in secretarial work I'd rather go back but only on a higher level like an executive secretary or an administrative assistant I like business more than I do you know medicine so she said well go back it would be much better to go back into secretarial science because that's what you really like and that's what I did. Instead of reading this back, just let me see the transcription done up in five minutes. I think there are many, many very distinctive features of having an older woman return to class. They're not here because mommy told them to come. They're here because they have goals that have to be met both practically and idealistically. They uh are very much interested in what they're doing and I find them delightful. I also find them a great catalyst for the class because they lend a seriousness to the class where the younger students haven't reached that level yet and they seem it seems to permeate. You like to take 170 words a minute? No. I need financial aid. Um, and as long as I'm living on welfare, because I live below a certain amount of money a year, uh, I'm eligible for TAP and BEOG. One covers, um, the cost of the all the tuition that's your TAP, and then BEOG is extra money. It's it's a stipen given so that you can buy your books, uh, carf fair, lunch money, and they send it in the form of a check once once every six months. But without it, you couldn't go to school. If my mother ever saw me cooking like this, she'd shoot me because she's into, you know, every meal is a big production and I'm not into that. I don't have the time for it. You know, maybe she did, but I don't. I think uh this is like the trivial part of my life, cooking, cleaning. It's important that it gets done, but it's not import a big important thing for me to be super successful at. Cuc. There they go. Yeah, but I don't want you eating them without eating the rest of your [Music] food. Come on. Come on. Eat. All right. You know what's on tonight, don't you? Yeah. What? Being a single parent takes up a lot of time because you're the only one around most of the time that the child, you know, your child has to play with and mommy this and mommy that. And then I have school taking up a large part of my time. And uh when I come home from school sometimes I just want to sit down and say to someone here, it's your turn. And there is nobody to do that with. So it gets very frustrating sometimes. And I might take it out on him sometimes like Danny, please let mommy relax for 5 minutes. You know, he's only 3 years old and he doesn't understand and sometimes I'll get nasty with him. I don't mean to, but it's, you know, it's the hazards of being a single parent, I guess. Okay. Now, you be a good boy. Tie tight tight. I kind of like my life the way it is. I am in love with someone right now. I feel very good about it. Right now, I don't want to relinquish the fact that this is my home. I am the head of this house. If something has to be done, I have to do it. I don't feel a necessity for [Music] marriage. What I could do now is go out and get a job for maybe about 150 a week and it wouldn't be what I want. It wouldn't be enough for me to support my son. And an education is definitely required. Uh a degree makes it much easier for you to achieve the kind of salary you want. And I want uh a better way of life for both of us. [Applause] I used to get their lunches. I used to make sure that their clothes were out. I did everything for them. They were rather spoiled. And of course, now they do their own laundry. They get their own breakfast. They get their own lunch. So, in that sense, you know, they're more on their own now than they've ever been before. Okay. I'll see you later. I got to get into Did you guys walk the dog again? Okay, hurry up. You're running late. [Music] [Music] I left high school. I didn't finish. I left in my sophomore year and I came to New York and I went to work as legal secretary and then I got married and I had the baby that I wanted to have and my husband enlisted. Bye-bye. Yeah. Have a good day. Listen, daddy's going to take you to karate tonight, but Kelly and I have to go to Beauty. Okay. All right. Off you go. when Cleave received this discharge. He came home and went to work for the New York City Police Department and my uh next job came in 1971 as a dental assistant. I think that considering where Cleveland and I came from, you know, I mean, where we started out in life together and where we are now, it's not that bad. There was an incident that reversed my whole mode of thinking, I guess. And what had happened after Cleave had um reached the status that he did in the police department, he was involved in a very violent uh shootout that left two men dead. And he was um permanently disabled because of that. But I think that it was that it made me sit back and think, you know, about if anything had happened to him, where would the children and I be? Not so much uh on that particular day or month, but where would we be say 10 or 15 years, you know, if something like that had happened? Cle was in the hospital. He was recovering from his wounds. And um there was a dental uh I don't know, a conference, I guess. I wouldn't call it a convention, but uh it w the state uh I think it was the New York State Dental Association had a conference in New York City. And so I decided to go. Uh Gloria Steinum happened to be the hostess of a uh workshop there. And I sat in on it and uh she used a phrase. She said uh quote, "Most women are one husband away from a welfare check," unquote. And I don't know, I didn't hear anything else she said after she said that. You see, because I then too, I thought back again, you know, now what if something had happened to Cleave and so forth and so on. And I think that probably was the phrase that just clenched the whole thing. I have to do something. I went to night school and I got my equivalency diploma. So that September I entered Queensboro Community College. We have two things to do today. Um first of all I want to take care of Erlene's presentation and secondly I want to go into um sales forecasting. So, um, Erlene, do you need a barrier, a volunteer? Amy, thank you for volunteering. Set what you're going to do. I worked as a legal secretary. So, and then I worked in a bank and so um, you know, business was just a natural course of events for me. I guess my organization is a management consulting and supply firm and we help the dentist to establish a preventive dentistry program. And we have also developed a disclosing tablet to reinforce the program. And my position here in the office today is to sell this tablet to Amy to reinforce. We have a two-year program where students take courses um to metriculate towards an associates degree. Some of them may feel that they want to terminate their education at that point um and go out into the business world. Others can use those two years as the first two years of a balora degree. for the little cellop pack along with this instruction booklet. Mature students are are a help to the instructor. They're a help to the students. Um they they add life experience. They tend to um make the reading material more realistic with their own experiences. And a business a business is obviously looking for someone who's mature and who's responsible and they tend to look more favorably upon older people. What did you think of the presentation, Joe? She talked on a dentist level. she didn't talk on a salesman level. She's very skilled. I chose a two-year school because I just couldn't in my mind conceive of four years, you know, or more. So, I said, well, I'll start with a two-year school. I'll see how I do. I see how I'll adjust. I'll see if I can do well. If I do, then, you know, I'll make some plans to u pursue a bachelor's degree. But my main worries at the time were, you know, would I be able to uh to get through it? I feel now that I I do have the ability to achieve the things that I would like to achieve. However, I do have a fear of math. I I still haven't overcome that, but I think that I will eventually after I graduate from Queensboro. I would like to get a job, but it has to be the kind of job that will permit me to go to school. I do want a job and I do want to pursue uh my bachelor's degree. My husband was very hurt. That particular phrase, you know, most women are one husband away from a welfare check. That upset him. I wrote a paper on that. As a matter of fact, it was one of my better papers. And um one of my best papers and uh he didn't like it. He didn't like it at all. I got an A on the paper, but he didn't like it. Hey, hun. How you doing? All right. Okay. How'd it go? Okay. How's everything? All right. Okay. Yeah. Get in here and start fixing something to eat. Okay. All right. Fine. I'm going finish this up and then I'll be right in. Okay. I uh was a New York City police officer. Uh in 1973 I was involved in a shootout and I was left uh permanently disabled. You know I I didn't know if you were alive or not until Mar had told us after I found out that he was alive and he was all right. You know I just couldn't worry about anything else because I just felt as if we were very fortunate. You know the most important thing to me was that he was alive. I think at that particular time, you know, I became uh insecure, you know, because uh you figure like about a year and a half I spent uh primarily in bed, you know, and it just felt like the whole world was moving around me, you know, and I wasn't able to uh participate, you know, so uh when she started back to school, you know, I just felt like I felt threatened. I felt like everything that I had worked uh for all the principles I had collected uh from my parents uh being brought up that I wasn't going to be the head of the house anymore. I felt uh like she was just going to take over, you know, and and I was going to be left with the uh I was going to be left with the housework. In other words, we're going to switch identities almost things that are done say on a regular basis like the house cleaning and uh the preparing of the lunches, the preparing of the laundry and things like that. Yes, I that is a trade that was that is definitely a tradeoff in my situation. But I think that uh on the other uh end we we I think that I'm more equipped to help them with their homework. And I think that when I have conferences with guidance counselors, I'm more equipped to handle them now than I was before. But I think that had I not experienced some of that myself, I would not have been able, you know, or equipped to um to help them. You know, I think that they would like to have their mother here and they know if I am left to the kitchen, they can just about calculate what they're going to have for dinner, you know, because I'm a non- cookook and I uh come right out the can. I'm just having the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Cle is looking forward to me graduating. Right. That's right. Yeah, I am. Yes. Yes, I am. you know, but I have reached that particular stage now where I'd like to see her go as high as she can in her profession. You know, I like I said before, I don't feel threatened anymore. I've grown out of that particular point now. I've grown out of that. I feel like whatever she does is definitely uh would be a positive towards the family. I'm at a point now where I think I think I'm happier now than I've ever been before in my life. Um I'm I'm looking, you know, I really have uh something to look forward to in terms of my own achievements. And at the same time, I hope that uh you know, when I arrive there that I'll have these three children and my husband. You know, I all that is very much a part of um you know, where I want to go. I mean I don't want uh my achievement to be at the expense of my family in other words you know I want them to be you know be a part of it. The thing I always wanted to say to other women like uh you know if you have to be on welfare fine if you have to be divorced fine if you have to even be married and at home fine but don't let your life just end it there. at least experience the feeling, you know, cuz once you get in there and you start experiencing it. Uh you develop a feeling for it and before long you've just sort of worked right into the groove and you're doing it right along with everyone else. You don't know until you try. And I feel if a lot of women knew there are drawbacks. Yes. And you're tired and they all think, well, I don't want to have to tax my brain. I said, you can't explain to them there's more to just staying home in a house that you have to you have to wake your brain up is what you're doing. [Music] Oh. [Music]