THE JOKER

[Music] [Music] Bet. Open. I'll see. Come in. Cards? Hit the next three. I'll play these. [Music] I will check. I got one. I'll see you and uh bet the works. It's too steep for me. I'll call. [Music] Three, seven, eight, nine, and a joker. I'll hold it, Joe boy. An honest ace high flush and a lady to go with it. Your friend the joker just got you in trouble. Well, I'll be damned. Should I tell him or you? Why, he's learning. Ah, come on. What's the gag? Learning what? Look. Sure, I made my flush with it. Wouldn't you? With the joker? We already did. Both of us. And never again. [Music] That's okay, fellas. Once is enough for me. [Music] A steel fabricating plant where no crews are working is a quiet place, safe and sound. No lifts swinging overhead. No hot rivets flying through the air. No buggies moving. No wheels turning. No chips flying. Officially, there's only one kind of job being done, and it's a quiet one. But unofficially, in every plant everywhere, there's another kind of job being done, and the guy who does it works 20 4 hours a day. [Music] This eager, insidious fellow is nobody's. He doesn't take time out for lunch, not even a coffee break. He belongs to no union. He's on nobody's payroll. You've heard of impossible accidents. He's the guy who makes them possible. He's the joker. [Music] Lost time, that's my specialty. And it looks like this is going to be one hell of a good day today. I've been checking this mill all night, and with the help of a couple of patsies, I figure today's a great day for a couple of bone-busting, limb-crashing, lost time accidents. And you know what that means? Stretchers, pain pills, confusion, compensation checks, crutches, canes, wheelchairs. All this accident business is just one laugh after another. But it ain't easy. People are too safety-conscious. You got to work on them. Sometimes it takes years and lots of psychology. Hang around, you might learn a few things. Now the quiet hours are over. Men everywhere are returning to work. Every new day begins as a good day. Yet, every day some men somewhere get hurt for no apparent reason. Is it fate? Just bad luck? This is Fred Stanton, whose job is handling material out in the receiving yard. Fred's a man who keeps his mind on his job. He's a veteran, a pro. There's nothing special about Fred. He just wants to get home to the family in good shape every night. So, he's learned the safety rules that apply to him, and he follows them to the letter. He pays attention to crane signals. Make sure of his blocking. Always stands clear of the load. [Music] It won't be easy for the joker to get Fred, not without plenty of help. Yeah, but today I got help. Hi, Eddie boy. Nice fellow, Eddie. Just my kind of guy. Not careless, you understand? Just kind of casual. And a good boy. Listens to me, too. [Music] Now a man wouldn't ordinarily even consider adding a lift to a pile like this, and Eddie usually would be no exception. Hey, Eddie. Why crack your brain over a little problem like this? You got real ones. Like, remember what that flat-mouthed wife of yours said at breakfast? Why can't you be like other men? Can't you be like James' husband? She gets a new dress every week, and I haven't had a new dress for years. Come on, Eddie. You ain't got all day. A little extra blocking will be good in Now. [Music] That's the way, Eddie. That's the way. [Music] Yes, that's the way, Eddie. The way to set a booby trap for a friend. [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] When Fred eventually comes back to work, he won't be the man he used to be. He'll take any job he's offered because any income is good when you have the debts that Fred will be piling up. And as for Eddie, well, next time it might be his turn. A daydreamer like Eddie is an easy mark for the joker. [Music] [Music] If a man lets himself get distracted when he's working with a crane, he might just put the chains too close to the end of a beam. And if the crane operator isn't on the ball, [Music] maybe he'll make a leaning booby trap, or a top-heavy pile with an oversized beam, or maybe many tons of steel resting on unsupported blocking. Yes, there are plenty of opportunities for the Joker in the receiving yard. Or any place that men are handling steel. [Music] How's that for getting a day off to a good start? You know how much lost time I'm writing up on Fred? 300 days. Oh, I'm going to keep that Eddie around for a while. He's a big help. Getting a guy's mind off his job, that's my system. Distraction. You got to be some kind of screwball to want to hurt yourself or your buddies. But you got to be only human to daydream on the job. And all of these guys are only human. Now you take some of those guys back there in pre-assembly. There's one of my favorite places. Come on, I'll show you. [Music] Hey, there's Howie Smith. He's what they call a materials hand. Been hooking plates like that for 7 years without a slip. But I never give up. Remember, the secret is distraction. Watch this. [Music] How are you, Howie? How's the bowling team doing these days? I hear you boys are going for the championship tonight. And the Joker, top man on the team. That's a mighty good right hand you got there, Howie. A mighty fine right hand. I did it. I did it. After all those years. Boy, what a chump. Lost time, you betcha. I'm proud of this one, and I got a right to be. You got to keep your eyes open these days. Not everybody would have spotted Howie wasn't wearing safety shoes. What a day I got going, huh? Two lost time accidents. Love those cranes. [Music] One of the Joker's favorite wrinkles is to get a man so preoccupied that he fails to notice that the crane isn't directly above the lift, and forgets he's on the hospital side when he gives the signal to hoist. It's the kind of mistake you won't get a chance to make twice. [Music] Far more routine for the Joker are injuries to hands and fingers caused by pinch points, but which might be better described as mangle points, or amputation points. [Music] Aw, so what's a couple of fingers? You don't need two good hands anyway. The way I see it, one hand's all you'll need to go over all those bills you won't be able to pay out of your compensation check. Sure, one hand's plenty to do most anything. Even to crumple up that last empty pack because you can't waste money on a luxury like cigarettes. So go ahead, fellas. Take a little chance now and then when you're working with a crane. Your luck will hold. Sure it will. You know, I came up in this business when the only safety motto you ever heard was don't bleed on the steel. Sentimental, wasn't it? Well, that's all changed now. They got these safety guys crawling all over the place. Everywhere you look, they got these crazy safety posters, slogans, mottos. It's enough to drive you nuts. I don't mind admitting to you it's made my job a whole lot tougher. But that's the way the bone crunches. I do my best. I still get results. You give me just one tiny opening, and I'm in there trying. Huh. I think I see Jim Kirby down there. I wonder if he's ready to play paxy yet. You know, Jim operates a punch press. Real safety conscious. Always wears safety glasses. Well, it's worth a try. Hey, Jim. How's that boy of yours? Still sick? Oh, I hope it's nothing serious, Jim. So there are no side shields on those glasses, Jim. So what? They're plenty safe. That's it, Jim. [Music] Oh. I didn't see what happened. Neither did Jim Kirby. He learned the hard way that there are no little compromises with safety. All a flying chip of steel ever needs is a small opening. Lost time, plenty. Lost eye, well, let's hope not. Sometimes the Joker doesn't have to work so hard to get a man to injure his eye. A few months ago, for instance, one man was driving a pin through the splice plate of a girder with a sledge. A chip from the pin sliced across his left eye. How about safety glasses? They were in his pocket. Why should a guy wear safety glasses anyway? They're heavy on the nose. And anyway, nothing's ever going to happen to your baby blues. Not a chance. Now, there's another angle on this accident business I ain't told you about yet. Feet. My favorite part of the human anatomy. I got 2 million ways of handling feet. Matter of fact, I'm starting down right now to try one of my standard gags. Come on. [Music] [Applause] Main floor. All out for fitting, riveting, and welding. [Music] Here's my pigeon, Bob Davis. A bouncy bachelor. Just takes a little sunshine and a warm breeze to set him up. [Music] Hi ya, Bob. How's that nice weather suit ya? Get you thinking about better things, huh, Bob? [Music] Hey, boy, you do all right. Just don't let your work take your mind off her, mhm? [Music] The Joker has a way sometimes of being two places at once. Here's a friend of Bob's setting up to gouge some plates in the weld shop. Maybe the pleasant day has distracted him, too. And that's why he doesn't keep that cable out of the aisle. [Music] Mark up another one for the Joker. But the Joker didn't have to get Bob Davis on a welding cable. He could have used the scrap bucket thoughtlessly placed in the aisle. These metal bands might have been even better. These beams sticking out into the walking area. Or a patch of broken concrete like this, which the Joker has kept from the front office. Or even one loose bolt like this, which not long ago sidelined a man for six lost time days with a bruised ankle and blood poisoning. One sure thing about poor housekeeping, it's a mighty big help for the Joker. [Music] Here's another way the Joker gets a man, the long shortcut. The last man who fell for this one suffered severe lacerations of the abdomen. Lost time, 30 days. [Music] The Joker can distract a man until his feet wander into some dangerous places. Lost time, 21 days. Safety shoes save the toes. [Music] Lost time, 42 days. Fractured metatarsal. Again, the steel fell only a few inches. [Music] But if a man really wants to cater to the Joker, all he has to do is wear ordinary non-safety shoes. [Music] Then, as one man learned to his sorrow, it takes only a 3-lb socket and bit to fracture vital small bones in a foot. 3 lbs, but 42 days of lost time. Oh, these patsies who don't wear safety shoes. How I love them. But I got to warn you guys, they've come out with a new safety shoe that I want you to steer clear of. They call it the metatarsal shoe. Protects these little bones here between the ankle and the toes. Makes it almost impossible to get at your feet. But I ain't worried. I'll start an economy way. Don't buy those metatarsal shoes. You can spend the money on something better. Like maybe crutches. [Laughter] [Music] You know, sometimes, for variety, I let material handling go for a day or two. And then I work on finishing operations. I'll show you. Now, take grinding wheels without their guards. Oh, they're the best thing since hand grenades. And reamers, woo wee. When I get a guy to daydreaming on one of these, like grinding the tail end OF A TORNADO. THE TAIL END of a tornado, but not if the Joker doesn't make a man careless. The reamer deserves respect. It's going to turn something. It's either going to turn the bit or the handle. You get your choice. The best insurance against a reamer gone wild is an anchored safety bar. Steel is tougher than bone. Better let it take the tough knocks. The reamer is a buddy system machine. Both men must keep a good hold on the handle or it's goodbye, buddy. Let your attention slip when you're reaming and a hand or shirt may slip down onto that whirling bit. Here's an idea the Joker likes to encourage. Helps gain good leverage. [Music] And maybe lose a good finger. It's pure luck this man still has five fingers. He can get a new glove. [Music] The portable grinder, a handy machine in this business, and a big favorite with the Joker. A portable grinder left lying on the floor is likely to be hit by any number of falling objects. Looks okay. It usually will. Here's a brand new grinding wheel that was accidentally dropped. It looks okay, too. Now, in slow motion, watch what happens when it's run up to speed in a test machine. [Music] Not long ago, that kind of shrapnel gave one man compound fractures of the right ankle and upper left leg. Lost time, 270 days. Ah, now here's one that's given the Joker a lot of laughs, doing one thing and thinking of another. Of course, the machine won't trip unless the operator starts it himself, but that's easy. Woo wee. I had old two fingers thinking about that new car he's planning to buy. That's all it takes, just a little distraction. You know, there ain't a plant in this whole operation where I ain't got something going for me. I get guys around here in the main shop at Ambridge, the plate shop at Orange, every place. And any place in the shop, too. For instance, every once in a while, I even get me a painter. Paint is slippery when wet. Painters know that, but so does the Joker. [Music] And painters, as this man is discovering the hard way, have material handling hazards of their own. No safety shoes. Result, plenty of agony and 60 days lost time. Every once in a while, the Joker gets himself a man out in the loading area, too. [Music] Not long ago, a worker was removing chains from a member which had just been landed on the skids. The Joker distracted him. He forgot to clear the hooks under the member and attach them to the ring before signaling the craneman. [Music] [Music] [Music] To tell the truth, I don't like it to end that way. What are you going to do? Steel's heavy. You can't always tell what's going to happen. Well, that ain't my problem. My problem, my biggest one, is working on guys who won't go along. You see, lot of these American Bridge guys, safety is an attitude. Take Tom Daniels for instance. That guy's a stubborn as a mule. I've never been able to get him distracted. Just look at that clean aisle he's working in. Disgusting. He's threshold plate over that welding cable. And metatarsal shoes. It's enough to make you sick. Hey, Tom. I hear you're going hunting this weekend. [Music] Bet you're looking forward to that, Tom, old kid. [Music] Hey, Tom. Look it. Look it. Bet you'd like to have a new outboard, wouldn't you? [Music] Okay, Tom, let's hurry this job up, huh? Come on. Let's swing her along there. Cut out all this slow, cautious stuff. Come on, Tom. All right, you square. Guys like Tom Daniels burn me. Always keeping their minds on what they're doing. But I ain't had a bad day at that, four out of five. Sometimes, though, it goes the other way. I get maybe two, three solid months of guys like Daniels. Then it gets pretty discouraging. But I don't give up. I told you this accident business takes a lot of brains. It sure does. But sometimes it takes something more, patience. I wouldn't you believe it? I've to wait around 15 or 20 years for some guys to play patsy for me. But I can wait. Time's on my side. When a guy does a job long enough, he gets to thinking he's accident-proof. He starts taking little shortcuts, huh? He just forgets, and nothing happens. They get ripe. And then comes the day I get them to strike. Just for a second, that's all the time it takes, and pow! They are mine. They thought they were accident proof. What pansies. How about you, old buddy? Are you accident proof? You want to bet? See you around. [Music]