THE INTERVENTION

[Music] [Music] more and more Jan was retreating from The Real World into a a haze of alcohol to bring her back I had to get her to Face Reality to see what her drinking was doing to her to everyone who loved her I had to get her to agree to treatment the counselor could tell me what to do but he couldn't do it for me and I couldn't do it alone I needed help to intervene before my wife hit bottom [Music] I don't know I I don't even know if the kids will be willing to do anything I mean Brian he won't talk to anybody anymore Kim's just she just turned her back on the whole business ask Howard don't be afraid to ask if they know it's going to help their bond to get involved I'm not even sure I believe it'll do any good I I don't know I just I don't know what else to do would you be willing of course it means two or three meetings with a counselor before Jan gets uh involved that's okay I'd be glad to I don't want her to know you're a part of it unless or until this uh intervention thing happens it's okay with me but what about you and Brian I guess you'll have to know some of it not all of it I I don't know Mary look am I making too big a deal out of this I mean I Jan's not falling down drunk or anything she has a drinking problem we both agreed on that and it's hurting her at home and at work she needs help I really believe you're doing the right [Applause] thing listen to me your mother needs help can't you understand anything Brian look I know things haven't been too good around here a lot of it's my fault but well your mother's drinking it's part of it too it's making her sick it would might even kill her if we can't get her to stop she won't listen to me anyway so what difference does it make she won't listen to me Brian or Kim or or any one person but maybe she'll listen to all of us together will you come Ryan will you help she ain't going to like it if she finds out I guess not not now maybe well she asked tell her that uh you're doing it for me I said you had to okay she's not going to stop until she hits bottom dad till there's nothing left you really want to wait for that to happen I just I don't think anything we have to try try this if it doesn't work then then I'll try something else I can't we can't just let her go no oh we can't let it go [Applause] if you if you think it'll do any good I'll come and Jeff I don't know I'll ask him I don't know if we can get a sitter how many meetings is it supposed to take oh two or three I guess who else will be there oh Mom's boss Mary and uh brother ran and the conselor or I'm going to ask Dian Jim to come oh Dad do you have do they're neighbors they're friends Kim your mother will listen to D but they're not [Applause] family well just between friends old pal I think you're making a big fuss over a few little drinking incidents it's more than a few Howard's right it's been getting worse the last year like at Easter well I haven't seen anything more than the usual I mean Jan's a lady whether she's drinking or not that's no alcoholic I didn't say she was an alcoholic I don't know I want know that it's gone too far things are getting messed up I want to do something about it I need your help she'll listen to you de I know she will I'll do whatever I can we both will sure heart I'll go along with you if you think it'll help you I just don't know I I don't think it's all that serious alcoholism is a disease it's chronic it's Progressive and unless it's arrested it is fatal treatment depends on the needs of the individual it ranges from intensive Ina patient care to outpatient programs for the alcoholic and for the entire family it's also been our experience that AA provides a foundation for ongoing recovery but before you decide that alcoholism is the problem you have to understand what it is most adults consume alcohol to some extent we learned about alcoholism but just as important we learned that what had been happening to us was happening to tens of thousands of people every day the guilt shame anger the promises made and broken time and again the excuses the covering up the crazy fears the loneliness they're all symptoms of the disease that spread from the alcoholic to infect family and friends alike relationships become distorted so does reality most we listened to the counselor and heard him describe our secret selves usually be broken through only by persons who are so what are you up to what do you mean counseling what kind of counseling well it's it's just to uh to try to help Brian and and me to um learn about uh chemical dependency what do you mean chemical dependency well like um alcohol and you are trying to make that kid think I'm an alcoholic you're trying trying to blame me for everything that's screwed up in this house and I'm not nobody's blaming anybody for anything J I'm not we're just trying to learn oh sure trying to learn about my drinking it's always my drinking well why don't you learn something about trying to raise two kids or making a few decisions or trying to run a house and hold a job down all the time honey it's my problem we're working on mine and and Brian's well things are not too good between us right now so we're just uh we're just trying to get some help that's all okay well you could use some help both of you but just stay off my back Buster if the two of you get yourself squared away I'll be okay the funny thing was after that night she was okay in the next few weeks everything seemed to improve she was like her old self again maybe better I began to wonder if I'd been ringing false alarms about her drinking and I wasn't alone are you ready for a ref oh no thanks I'm fine well I'm ready so anyway um I'm there she said well now that's some alcoholic you got there boy yeah well she's has been doing a lot better lately she are you you know for a while you were talking like she was taking her musket tail straight from a brown bag not quite maybe I was a little hard on her I told you that counseling was a Croc now let's have a drink what you need are facts specific facts what was the most recent episode when mom's drinking frightened you embarrassed you concerned you what happened and how did you feel about it God I can think of a hundred times she's been a mess no you have to be specific Kim focus on what happened and how you felt about it then not how you judge it today yeah but that seems to be changing what difference does a past make if she's okay now oh Dad she's been okay before how long did it last yeah but she's really doing it oh Dad she's been fantastic at the office the last couple of weeks I hate to rock the boat well uh she told me about the counseling scared the heck out of me until I realized she didn't know I was was involved I think that might be what's behind it question is can she keep it going before you make a decision I think each one of you should sit down at home with a pencil and paper and write out the facts about Jan's drinking episodes which caused you the most concern and how you felt when they happened include the time she said she'd stopped drinking and really meant it and then failed think it all over carefully then if you think there isn't a problem we can forget the whole thing if you think there is we'll have a pre-intervention meeting on Tuesday okay I set it all down in black and white the drinking episodes the anger the pain month by month going backward until it's seemed pointless to go further my dream of Jan's self-made sobriety faded in the face of the facts and any illusions that remained were Swept Away 2 Days Later hi Brian she's at it again Jen H did you go to work today honey yeah I went to work today I just had to come home after lunch I didn't feel very good I see have you seen my glasses I can't find my glasses yeah maybe they're in my bag I don't know where my bag yeah here they are thanks what's matter with you something bothering you why don't you tell that counselor of yours to teach you how to talk fck to your wife that's your trouble I've briefed Jeff here to give you the kind of reaction you can expect next time he plays the role of Jan is this the woman you married Howard who goes first I'll start by saying why we're here and how we'll proceed it's important for you to remember that Jan or Jeff is here to listen not to talk don't ask questions that will give her the floor don't make accusations that might put her on the defensive just present your data about the drinking episodes and how you felt about them remember the villain here is not Jan or Jeff it's the alcohol and remember you're all here out of love and concern and because you want to help okay okay now who here is the most influential person with Jan it sure isn't me anymore Mary yeah Mary she respects you I know she listens to you she's always quoting you okay I'll go first okay Jan Jeff what am I supposed to call him Jeff I'm here because I love you as a friend and I'm concerned about you and what's happening to you at work last week when you came back from lunch you had so much to drink that I had to send you home so the manager wouldn't see you and I felt guilty because I told him you were sick when I knew you were drunk I wasn't drunk I'd only had a couple of drinks you fell asleep at your desk Jeff and last month at your birthday right there in front of the whole parents group I was so embarrassed I was ashamed to send Kim T her for ballet lessons I I canceled them dad you never told me about that I don't want you to know K or I still feel like allows for doing that to you d That's so long ago it it doesn't matter really let's keep going here what about you Kim uh Jeff I'm here because I love you and um I'm concerned about what you're doing today Brian and um I'm afraid to bring the baby over to the house because you're always drinking and making Big scenes I am not now you're the one who's always starting the argument what can I do you always jump on me I mean what do you expect of me you're the one who ran away from home had a good time leaving me here to take care of your father and your brother and keep the house plus keep my job going that's not fair mom you know I Kim hold it a minute just a minute Kim if you make Angry accusations your mother will just become more defensive she won't be able to hear you if you can't put your anger aside it might be better if you didn't come here at all look honey if you jump on like that she just might get up and walk out she might anyway you'd better be prepared for that what do you say if she refuses to go in for treatment what do you do Howard well I um I don't want to live with her anymore the way she is will you tell her that yeah and mean it yeah Dad I think you're right Brian Mary I can't cover up lie for her anymore if she doesn't agree to get treatment I don't think she'll last long at work okay I think you all mean what you're saying and I'm sure she'll believe you now let's talk about how you're going to get her down here for intervention she won't listen to me I'm this was the part I've been dreading all along it didn't sound too tough when we were all together just talking about it but facing Jan and asking her to come down for any kind of counseling was bound to be trouble I knew what she'd say right away that counseling thing was your idea not mine you wanted it you got it Chad we need you there it's it's just for this one meeting it's important I thought this whole thing was for you and Brian I don't know what you need me for well is a have a lot of problems in this family we got to do something to straighten it out straightening out family problems is what I do all of the time so what else is new Jan I'm serious we need to have you there tomorrow h I can't tomorrow morning I've just got too much going at the office and besides I've already missed too much time if I get Mary to agree Mary will never call her ask please Jam okay okay but I know she won't hello hi Mary Jan hi Jan listen um Howard wants me to go with him tomorrow morning to some kind of a meeting and uh I've already told him that I've got to be at the office tomorrow you know all that that uh toberman data is coming in well he insisted that I call you anyhow so listen will you do me a favor and you be the one to tell him that I've got to be at the office tomorrow um well actually I wasn't going to start that job till after lunch well yes but well don't we have to get the tapes down first thing in the morning and and we don't have anything scheduled for tomorrow morning so you just go ahead to your meeting with Howard well okay if you're sure you don't need me no no I insist uh yeah well thanks Mary don't worry night okay yeah I guess so why not Jan this is Bill Connor hello Jan I'm glad you've come we all are want you sit [Applause] down Jan we're all here today because your friends and family here are concerned hurt maybe even a little frightened by what's going on with you with your drinking and they want to tell you how they feel about it will you hear them out I'm here sure they're going to tell you what they see and how they feel about it and when they're all done you can talk okay yeah okay Mary Chan I'm here because I love you as a friend a lot of years and I'm concerned about what's happening to you at work when you came back from lunch last Wednesday you were you had so much to drink I had to send you home and I felt guilty because I had to lie to Mr Schwarz to cover up for you I could have stayed I only had a few glasses fell asleep at your desk Jan and when we took you out for your birthday last month well you will remember that was a special occasion you promised you'd listen to me okay okay peace please when we took you out you promised youd take it easy but instead you just Jan you know I love you and I want to trust you I came home last week and found you in the kitchen after you promised I I I just felt like I was broken little pieces honey honey don't you see don't you see what the alcohol's doing to you I want you to get help I don't need any help well that's what you said last fall too I I know you believed it then I believed it I you tried to cut down it didn't work work remember the car accident you were drinking that time the police brought you home because they said that um jail is no place for a lady they let you off I was so asham a shame for you for us we've been friends for so long Jan and I'm concerned about your drinking and what it's doing to you oh this is really just too much you talking to me about my drinking you and Jim put away more Jin in one month and honestly de I don't believe I'm hearing this from you you might be right Jan you aren't here to talk about my problem right now I want to help you with yours because I love you okay I really felt proud of you when you came over last week and you only had one drink I told Jim that you had everything under control and I felt just sick when I heard you got drunk again and it's happened before Jan remember the 4th of July picnic last year Lake pepen I guess I really don't know much firsthand about the drinking just what Kim tells me but but I know how much she loves you even when she's mad at you and uh she cries when she comes home having seen you drinking and uh we want Jessica to love both of her Grandma's but we're afraid we're afraid of watching her grow up seeing you like that again and again I guess that's all I have to say Mom I know that well things haven't been so good between us but I do love you honestly and I'm worried what's happening to you and Dad and Brian if you're so worried why did you run out on us tell me that's all behind us now Mom I'm talking about now and next year mom I want you to get help for your drinking so we can all get better all of us won't you do it mom please oh [Laughter] no Mom I love you mom please Mom oh [Laughter] [Applause] Bry all right honey all right I love you okay you said the right words e e