Seagram's Nightmare

[Music] [Applause] what's the matter with you what was it what is it what was what what did it was whatever what was Harry you screamed at it I only screamed at you screaming at it oh for God's sake darus I was having a nightmare a nightmare yeah yes I was in this in this dark room and there was cobwebs in water and there was green slime oozing off the walls disgusting Harry was dark and dingy and I think there were skeletons skeletons yes and I was chained to this case of serum 7 crown and all of a sudden all of a sudden there came in a lunatic waving an umbrella a fiend who was it Albert Albert a fiend Yes Albert and there was blood dripping off of his hand it was terrible I don't want to talk about it anymore I'm going to sleep the night what did you want what what what the f what did he want P Yes dear the one with the umbrella that looked like Albert no no no he didn't look like Albert it was Albert yeah it was a terrible nightmare there he was spending my money like it was water oh I'm sure Albert wouldn't do a thing like that yes he did yes he did and he kept insisting that I give him a 7 Crown Po and and as if that wasn't enough he wanted me to put it on the back bar too so so so what do you mean so if he had his way the whole bar would be littered with seven Crown thousands of bottles of it Millions maybe mountains of the stuff oh go to sleep sleep how can I sleep with Albert pelting me with seven Crown popping up in my nightmares like a ghoul behind my bar fiddling with the bottles I keep it in the speed rack what more does he want he wants you to put it on the back bar oh how the hell do you know that it was my nightmare not yours you just told me that that's what he wanted so so put it on the back bars that's all he wants absolutely not not you keep it on the uh the fast shelf speed rack darus speed rack well do you oh yeah yeah why well because people ask for it that's why lots of people ask for it that's why why well be because it is the most popular that's why why well because it is the best damned whiskey around so we'll put it on the back bar we put it on the back bar we will put it on the back bar where do you get this wish stuff that bar is mine mine m y NE e mine not yours not Albert's it'll go on a back bar when I say it goes on a back bar okay have it your own way you'll put it on the back bar I'll put it on the back bar now good night no I won't put it on the back bar I won't put it on the back bar because it's in the speed rack now exactly where it should be who cares where it is anyway nobody cares if nobody asks for it you're right because lots of people ask for it that's why all the time who just said that so big deal what happens if you put it on the back bar well people see it and ask for it well don't you make more money that way yeah yeah but uh but there's all that space a lot of space r there I don't know it's a lot of space what I said it takes up too much space what does if everybody asked for two bottles open one on the back bar and one in the speed rack I wouldn't have room for customers yes there would be if you dump the junk it's like the garage the garage what the hell is a garage got to do with this if you threw out all the broken lawnmowers empty cans old golf clubs bent bicycle wheels out of the garage you'd have room for the things you really need like what for instance how about the car for a start very funny very funny but for your information I don't don't sell junk Prestige Brands I carry p s press P Prestige pretty shaped bottles collecting dust d That's what you carry if you cannot carry on a normal and civilized conversation there is simply no more to be said civilized normal people don't carry on any kind of conversation at 4:00 in the morning I wish you a fond good evening I hope you have a nice sleep but as for myself I'm going to have a snack do you remember my friend Myrtle no I do not know her I've never met her and already I'm sick of her well she I'm not interested in your friend martle under her blue jeans now I'm interested she wears red silk panties that cost $30 no kidding she reminds me of you daris I do not wear I have never worn nor do I I ever intend to wear anything resembling red silk panties under blue jeans or not no no no dear but you do have a habit of taking the best brand and sticking it out of sight on your quick plate speed rck you know the trouble with you darus is you don't know what you're talking about you have no sense of logic no sense of order now just because 7even Crown is the most asked for brand just because 7even Crown has the best advertising of any brand in the country just because 7 Crown has the best display pieces in the country and just because Albert says that seven Crown sells 8 million cases a year Well 6 million a lot well 8 million cases of a Prestige brand Prestige Prestige big deal big deal it is a big deal Prestige p r e s t i g e noun from the Latin prestigium plural prestigia one estimation of standing in people's eyes two waight or credit in general opinion three commanding position in man's mind synonym C influence Webster seventh new Collegiate dictionary 1963 I am so sick of your friends Myrtle and Webster do they own a bar too I still ain't going to put it on the back bar that's what I like about you logical to the death good night good night Albert this is Harry now I want you to listen very carefully most important don't tell me it's the middle of the night I know it is but it has nothing to do with what I'm going to say now I've had an argument with darus and she doesn't know what she's talking about she keeps going on about the garage and red silk panties but anyway I've decided that in spite of what she says I'm going to go all out I want another couple of cases of seven crown and I want all the trimmings bar pieces pedestals the works I'm not only going to have seven Crown in the speed wreck I'm going to put a box on each end of the bar and one right next to the catch register people are going to know that when they come to my place they get the best Albert hello I'll be happy to give him the message I know he'll love you for this who is this I do where's Albert oh this is his mother speaking good night Albert's got a mother and I thought he was hatched