Roseanne Barr on David Letterman 1980s KCST San Diego

be a woman trapped in a man's body. [applause] [laughter] Well, you live, you learn, I guess. The other day on Donna who they had on these men that like to dress up like women, and when they do, they can no longer parallel park. [laughter] [applause] Okay. Well, I live in the suburbs, so I practice total sensory deprivation. You'll get it later. [laughter] I got a real nice twocar garage with a house attached. Oh, it's just the best. But anyways, well, the suburbs are really Koolsville, though, cuz that's where all of us people out of the 60s went, you know. Yeah. Like our neighbor, he used to be the weapons expert for the Symbian Liberation Army. [laughter] Now he's into marketing research. [laughter] Oh, he deals a little Amway on the side and everything. But I shouldn't make fun cuz I sell stubby K cosmetics. [laughter] So anyways, well now I'm a comic. Lucky me. Lucky you. And [laughter] I got to go to a real exciting place in America, you know, like San Francisco, California, which I think is a really cool place. Okay. It's like really chic there. Trey chic. Nespa. [laughter] It's even a little bit too chic for me. And I know you find that really hard to believe, but it's true. Cuz even the derelcts walk around in polo shirts that have like embroidered dumpsters on the pockets and everything. They got a lot of gay men there and female gay men and everything. [laughter] But personally, I thank God for creating gay men cuz if it was not for them, us fat women have nobody to dance with. [applause] >> [laughter] >> So anyways, but I was out there when they're having that Democratic convention. Remember that? It was in the paper. And at the same time, you're never going to guess what else. So I'll have to tell you. Okay. Well, they're having a prostitute convention. They are except for they call it a hooker's ball. [laughter] So up on guard. Anyways, that you know, I started thinking. I thought what do prostitutes do on a convention? You know, like to let their hair down. [laughter] What? Wear flat shoes and stand up a lot, [laughter] [applause] you know, like have Shriners jumping out of cakes and stuff. I don't know. [laughter] But that made me start thinking about prostitution, everything. Not like you think about it another way cuz No, cuz I think it's really barbaric. I do. Of course, I'm coming from a female point of view cuz I am woman. Hear me roar. [laughter] [applause] Now, but here's my personal opinion of prostitution. Okay. I figure if men knew how to do it, they wouldn't have to pay for it. [applause] Yeah. Then they'd have more money for power tools and stuff. [laughter] >> [laughter] >> Well, you know, they can get on your nerves and all that, man. Cuz, you know, they think they're God's gift of womanhood and all that. And then they never could believe that you could actually be mad at them. They just cannot even handle that, you know? They always have to blame it off on something like a hormonal imbalance. Well, maybe you're ovulating. Yeah. Here comes one. AH. You better stand back, honey, cuz it's a full moon and you're looking at high tide. Here's another thing that gets me about them is they never think they're getting quite enough sex that they think they're entitled to. You know, my husband comes in there. Well, Rosanne, I cannot even remember the last time we had sex. Well, I can, and that's why we ain't doing it. Thank [applause] you. [music] [cheering] Your face takes enough abuse, so you need the Gillette Good News Plus disposable. [music] Its smooth strip is designed to reduce irritation. So shaving [music] feels so good. Good news. Plus, [music] I'll never take the easy road. I ain't no mama's boy. and to