Ronnie Shakes on Tonight Show Johnny Carson 1980s KCST San Diego

Thank you. Thank you. [applause] Save some for the end. [laughter] >> California. Great to be back. I love it here in California. Boy, >> Hollywood, glamour city. I went to a Dodger game, Cap Day. They did this tooth right here. [laughter] Great. But New York, that's my town. [applause] >> A lot of pressure, a lot of stress, a lot of strain. [laughter] >> You start to expect the worst and usually get it. I woke up the other morning, got tremendous pain right here in my chest. Luckily, it was only a bullet. [laughter] [applause] But New York even gets to me sometimes. Give you an example. I'm walking down Madison Avenue. A woman gives birth right on the street. Ugly baby. They gave her a ticket for littering. [applause] [cheering] [applause] I'm glad I turned her in. [laughter] Now, my family almost didn't exist. My mother had some difficulty conceiving at first, so she took some of those pills. Went on to have five children, although I was the only vertebrate. [laughter] So, I was pretty much the ring leader, [laughter] you know, having a spine and all. All the other kids looked up to me. [laughter] Families are interesting. U It's always interesting the way parents try and discipline their children. They all have their own techniques. Mom had a method. She'd say, "If you don't finish um if you don't pick up your toys, I'm going to throw them away." Now, dad was a little tougher. He'd say, "If you don't finish your vegetables, I'm shooting the dog. So funny. >> So I'd eat my vegetables very slowly and tease the dog. [laughter] [applause] [applause] That won't work even though I screwed it up. [laughter] But family is everything. Pretty proud of my sister. 300 lb. She took up jogging to get her weight down. Well, it's down around her ankles now. [applause] [laughter] >> Oh, she's precisely the same weight, but impossible to knock over. [laughter] Family is very important. Grandma finally broke down, bought a TV set. She's had a radio all these years. Now she's complaining everyone on TV is black and looks like her. I said, "Grandma, turn it on. [applause] She's losing her marbles now. She's threatening to leave all of her money to the cat." So, everyone in the family is being real nice to her except for dad. He's trying to spit up hairballs. My money's on pop. Yeah. Don't go by me, though. I have bad luck, you know. Give you an example. I carry a rabbit's foot. Last week, I met the rabbit. [laughter] I didn't know what to say. You know, his name is Stumper. [applause] He's a little frightened. tried to run away but could only pivot in small circles. [applause] >> What do I know about rabbits in my city? Boy, women, that's my field. I think you ladies can sense that. >> All right, I'll be honest with you folks. Women tend to run away from me. That's okay. The world is round. >> [applause] >> They'll be back. Don't get me wrong. I know how to handle them once I get them. Yes, I do. I wind them. I dine them. >> I woo them. I give them my car, my house, and all my money. And then I dump them. [cheering] >> [music] [applause] >> Thank you. >> My greatest fears. I blew a line. >> Blew a line. What's What's What's the difference? Funny is funny, >> I guess. >> Yeah, >> I guess. >> You shaved off You shaved off the mustache. How come? >> Malignant. [laughter] life-saving measure. Yeah. >> But but since you've been appearing on the show and I guess in front of the public, you've had that, right? >> I have. >> Yeah. >> I'm I'm going for my charisma to carry me through now. >> Yeah. >> Fat chance, huh? >> Were you the class clown? >> Uh, no. I always had him in the back of my mind. Never brought it out front. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Yeah, stuff on them.