Robin Williams et al at the Improv 1980s

We're going to work in Fresno. It's going to be a great show. We're there. We went over there. These are your people. He tells me. Uh yeah, I don't know where the hell they were from. They weren't my people. And uh and we drove over there. I thought we were going to fly, but says it'll be a fun drive. There's no planes to Fresno. Paul, we'll have a good time. On the way back, we stop at my uncle Mario's house. I introduce Bud to my uncle Mario. Said, "Uncle Mario, this is Bud Freiedman. Bud, this is my uncle Mario." Uncle goes, "Freedman? Freman? You're a Jew. Bud says, "Yes, you're a taco folder." Paul in the car. Let's go. Right. Where you going? You're >> exaggerating. Am I exagger? >> That's what comedy is, bud. Is an exaggeration. God damn it. >> DAMN IT. >> WHAT DO YOU WANT? DO YOU WANT THE GODDAMN TRUTH THEN? OKAY, I'LL say it like it really happened. But >> thanks, guys. Thanks. You You fall in whenever you feel you can ruin what I have. >> You drop in. you know, uh, you know, there's a abundance of Hispanic comedians. Uh, [laughter] god damn it. God knows there's a lot of us. But, uh, [ __ ] look at me. Do I look like a lottery winner or what? That's That's God's way of paying us back. Okay, we're not good at business, but we win the goddamn lottery. You know, I think Caucasians aren't even buying tickets anymore. They send the made Consuel. Here, Consuelo, you go to the 7-Eleven [ __ ] Go ahead, Consuelo. Buy some tickets. I mean, you may win. [ __ ] THIS LAST GUY WON $25 MILLION. They interviewed him on TV. His name is Alva. Mr. Oliver, what are you going to do with the money? He goes, "Well, first I think I'll go to Magic Mountain. [laughter] Standing like a dream come true Colossus. I'm going to go to Thank you. I'm going to go to Kmart, buy some jumpers." I was looking. Look at this set. Tell me the truth. Does this look like the gay love connection? Look at this set. Look at this. This is what happens when A DECORATOR HAS A small budget and no imagination, isn't [laughter] it? >> Oh, is he here >> right now? Mickey into your house. That's it. These curtains are out of your [ __ ] house. >> That's it. I'm putting up [ __ ] you'll never recognize. I'm leaving some Peter Allen records all over the place. There you go. [applause and cheering] Just a few things for you, Mr. Wonderful. But Reagan drives me nuts. Come on. He drives me [applause] nuts. >> Fresno, sir. >> The Fresno. I did, but you know, but [laughter] goes Let's mention Mark Lanau because this is the improvisation >> with with Mark Lano. It's like it's like pressed with fluoride. That's Pardon? >> He has above title. Bud Freeman. Mano. >> Well, you know, some say tomato, some say tomato. [laughter] >> You say that in Spanish. They weren't even. Okay. >> Oh, quit giving me sorus. You're giving me sorus. I don't need it. Come on. I thought we were mish. >> Hey, I I don't make jokes about Jewish people cuz I stupid. I want a career. But hey, [laughter] but seriously. Oh, yeah. But listen, you think you got problems? Hey, [laughter] I'm kind of pissed off cuz my my sister is dating an Iranian like there's a shortage of Mexicans in Los Angeles. [laughter] She She is She's dating a guy named Akamemed. [laughter] Aamemed. And they said, "Man, he's the hairiest people God ever invented. Iranians got hair in places monkeys don't. I swear you this summer at the beach. You go see them in at Venice, it's like they wear the smallest underwear, big, thick. It's like brillow pad in there. The hair go right through the nylon. You look at him, it looks like cactus fruit. And I told her, I said, "Look, I'm not prejudice. YOU'RE MY SISTER. I want you to be happy. If you love this man with [ __ ] fine. You love this man. But think of the future. One day you're going to have kids. You know, have Mexican, have Iranian, they're going to grow up to own and vandalize their own gas station." And I said, "You should think about the truth." >> But [singing] thanks, bud. Thanks for uh thanks for working here, allowing me to work here at the Improv. Improv is a great place to get laid, too. Can we just say that it [laughter] seriously any disease you want, it's waiting for you out there. Hi, I saw your act. I've never had one of your kind nowadays. Let's face it. Well, it used to be fun. Nowadays, death is sex is lethal. Is that I I don't touch myself either. I mean, I FINE. I I think responsibility for your own life. >> Fine. I I JUST I THINK OF A PENIS JOKE. I HAVE TO HELP YOU WITH THAT. FINE. >> All right. No. I I I'm a big fan, but I just I have enough problems. You know what I'm saying? [laughter] >> I thought we were all friends. Thanks. Thanks a lot. Wow. >> No, that that was affectionate. That was >> [ __ ] I hate to see YOU ANGRY. >> THAT WAS AFFECTIONATE. IT REALLY WAS. >> OH, GIVE me my knife. Darn it. Oh, you'll be Jewish again. >> God damn it. >> Well, hey folks. Seriously, bud. Thanks a lot. CHECK ALL the way with your first cigarette. [laughter] >> Folks, I lost control 30 minutes ago, but it's been fun. Thank you. [applause and cheering] [applause] Wake [applause] up. Ready. Oh, thank you, Mr. Klein. OH, LORD. YES. MR. FREEMAN, THANK YOU FOR FREEING EVERYBODY. OH, LORD. You know, there weren't that often before. IT WAS JUST A TWO DRINK MINIMUM IN NO HOUSE. PEOPLE COMING IN, paying to drink, walking around, spuds standing the door back >> with the greatest diet plan ever. [laughter] >> 250,000 strong every day and growing. >> Steal a meal. Steal a meal. >> How much did you lose? >> I've lost 700 lb. I don't even know who they are. >> You take your meats, you move them over. You take your carrots, you move them over. Take your vegetables, your bread, you move them over the other side of the wallet. Then you eat the wallet at the end of the day. >> And your protein, you just forage for [laughter] what an image. Anyway, [laughter] >> he's got me nuts. I tell you, [laughter] >> that Reagan living in Fresno drives me completely nuts with my shrink. Anyway, the next player player tonight night >> and I could do I should do Phil Ruda then. >> Holy cow, you huckleberry. >> Phil Ruda for the money store. [applause] >> I do a few offbeat ones. I've always played it safe. I do Isaac Newton. >> Who can check? You know, when I first [laughter] invented the calculus, you know, there's always some idiots. It's not like him at all, you know. [laughter] I do Elena Verdugo, Marvin Cap, offbeat people. Moving along. I I Meanwhile, everyone's making fun of the set. It's very beautiful. And I could see the negotiations already with Bud trying to schnner it from the production company, you know, cuz before they had a Woolworth brick wall back here that, you know, the Christmas it's made of plastic. Our next [laughter] [applause and cheering] >> We're there. You're >> We're with you. Anyway, >> our next performer, a dear friend of all of us, actually just here because he likes smoke filled rooms. Martin Mole. Martin. [applause] >> [cheering] >> Thank you. >> Thank you. Thank you. Please sit down. >> Thank you. You know, before we go any further, I wonder if we could all just take a moment here. [laughter] [applause] >> It's where your March of Diamonds money goes, ladies and [laughter] gentlemen. >> Bless his heart. What if we could all take a moment and [laughter] think about how important this evening really is? [laughter] >> [laughter] >> Lance could see Suzanne silhouetted in the window above, her diaphous negligé straining against her swelling [laughter] breasts, her tongue darting about her waiting lips like a flickering candle. Hell, [laughter] >> DON'T STOP NOW. Dark and wet as the night itself. >> Yeah. [laughter] >> Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. [laughter] [applause] Tonight, we are gathered here to pay tribute to a fully licensed restaurant. [laughter] But for countless tourists, theatrical agents, and children of the night, it is more than just a place to eat. It is more than just a building to get drunk in. For it is here on this very stage that many a confused and struggling young person wandering aimlessly down the sidewalk of life [laughter] has stepped right into show business. this mother's stage suffering the suckling babes of comedy unto her bosom. >> Amen. >> Yes. They all stood here and they all sucked. [applause] But they learned and they grew to greatness. Right here is where Robin Williams tirelessly and deathly molded his otherwise debilitating social disorders [laughter] into a sevenf figureure paycheck. Robin [applause] [cheering] here on this very stage. >> You're welcome [laughter] indeed. Here is where Paul Rodriguez discovered the motherload of material to be found in ridiculing one's own people, making him the envy of every non-Latin performer in America. [laughter] [cheering] Lord knows I'd love to tell some jokes like, you know, how does a Mexican know when he's hungry his ass stops burning? Things like that. I can't I can't do it. That's your turf and I wouldn't step on it. >> His name is Martin Mole. >> He lives maybe in Malibu. You can find it. [cheering and applause] >> Thank you again, Robin. [laughter] [laughter] And right here is where Billy Crystal first realized that he and Sammy Davis shared more than height and a common religion. And right here is where he began the work of healing the wounds of ethnic diversity in this country with just a smile and a manager. Billy, bless you. >> Thank you. [applause] >> Thank you, Martin. [cheering] And may I say thanks because you're giving me nas and I want to say for you to say hi to the other boys from Brazil when you see them. [laughter] >> My pleasure, Bill. >> Thank you. And right here is where Richard Lewis perfected his Tony Danza meets Marry and Lauren kind of delivery. [laughter] Pretty damn unique. And he also and also here that he found out that there were dozens of people across America that could identify with him. [laughter] And here is where Robert Klein rehearsed and rehearsed and rehearsed that spontaneity that would carry him to the Mer Griffin show, the silver screen, and ultimately to cable. Good work, BOB. [applause] [cheering] NOW, it's the least I can do. Want to get some water or something, man? [laughter] It's >> okay, baby. I'll take it out slow. >> Yeah. Bad white man. Hey, >> I don't blame you, Robin. I blame the one that gave you the shot. [laughter] >> Thank you, Martin. >> Okay, at least it keeps you on your feet. It's better than that terrible thing we saw backstage. I hope never. >> I must confess. >> I missed you. I miss you. Thank you for calling, though. I've missed you. >> Okay, thanks. >> It was an evening. Who knew? >> It was fun. >> I guess the Great Dane remembers. I guess the live [laughter] and that living room's a little more butch now that we did what we did, isn't it? >> Yes. >> Robin had the idea for the steer horns to hold up the uh the curtains there. I thought that was kind of nice. [laughter] >> Keep reading. >> I will. Actually, I must confess that I personally have never performed here or at any comedy club for that matter. It's u as a firm believer in capitalism and the minimum wage. Um, my professional hands were kind of tied, bud. Sorry. [laughter] I'm not suggesting that the performers at the improv go unpaid. Oh, contrary. In fact, on some occasions, those checks uh can reach double digits if I'm not mistaken. [laughter] Of course, there are those who ask for no payment. Those who use the improv as a kind of a testing ground for new material, sort of a comedy escrow for that hope for tonight show shot, right? So, where does the money go? [laughter] Now, Bud Freeman is a man who has always strongly felt that being able to loosen up our neck ties and smile at our troubles is worth at least a 650 cover and a two drink minimum. Let's say for instance that over a pleasant holiday weekend, perhaps a thousand people might come through that front door to relax and have a chuckle or two. We're talking 6,500 bucks right there. [laughter] Not to mention the three or 4 thousand more from the bozos who take the two drink minimum as a dare. [laughter] Call it five grand a night lowend. Now it seems obvious that given the neighborhood rent here could not be $150,000 a month. Yet according to Mr. Freriedman, it's a break even business. How can this be? Well, very easily, I'm afraid. First of all, let's talk about the rising costs of competent interior decorating. All of you settle back in your comfortable chair for a moment and look around you. Perhaps you can appreciate that this kind of luxury, it doesn't come without a pretty price tag as well. [laughter] Just save it for later. He still has that brash. >> [laughter] [cheering] [applause] >> And let's talk about the waiter persons here. They can't be expected to survive on the 10% of their tips that Mr. Friedman allows them to keep. They have to be paid a salary, and from the looks of their clothes, it's a damned handsome one. Add that to the cost of a reliable sound system, uh, state-of-the-art backstage facilities, and it's easy to see how paying the performers here, the going rate for human life as we know it, could spell disaster. Now, there is, of course, a part of me that feels very sad indeed that I am not an improv alumnus, that I never had the fun of standing up here for over an hour asking hay seeds where they're from. [laughter] There's an unspeakable loneliness that I feel when I overhear other comics of my generation sharing memories of a of a waitress that had blown them both. And of course, the emptiness of never having stood on the sidewalk at midnight counting the house with a man they called bud. [laughter] But alas, I work for money. Perhaps someday enough will be enough. It's hard to say. I have a figure in mind, of course. And uh if and when I reach it, who knows? Uh maybe then I can work for free drinks and bus fair. Maybe then I can finally say a resounding yes to all those pinko bleeding hearts that badger me on a daily basis to perform at their little frigin fundraisers. If that day comes, then I shall begin right here. for learning the art of performing for chump money on the beloved stage of the improv and and feeling the warm gently guiding hand of Bud Friedman so close behind me. A crazy dream perhaps. So, but it's a dream that I retain in a very special part of my body. So, bud, all I can say is keep up the good work and long live the improv. And for you folks watching at home, let me just add that if you've never spent an evening at the improv, you won't know what you're missing. But if you do, you'll know why everyone says that Bud Freriedman is to comedy what a stewardist is to the woman's movement. God bless you. Thank you, [applause] [applause] >> [applause] >> You know, Martin, before you made those comments, I don't think you realize that Bud is a Korean war hero, which is true. >> Oh my goodness. >> Took some shrapnel and pork chop hill. Couldn't tell us. We >> won that one, didn't we? >> We did. No, we did. It was a tie. But look, it wasn't his fault. He opened up a comedy club in Pyongyang originally, and he had a North Korean that juggled bullets with his teeth. couldn't tell his mother he was in pork chop hill cuz she didn't eat pork chops. Let me relate to you making you nervous. >> Leave him alone. Just leave him alone. >> I'm laughing. Why? I'm I appreciated it. >> We used to work in the subway before we went to the internet. Amazing [singing] grace. Give me a dollar. I'll embarrass the [ __ ] out of you know. [laughter] Our uh final performer is a shy man and [laughter] has a very strong affinity for Jonathan Winters whose work he continues in Jonathan's semi-retirement. Robin Williams [applause and cheering] [applause] >> [applause] >> Thank you. Thank you for what you've said to have the courage to say that and wear those glasses. Thank you. [laughter] Holaango receiving the Lester Maddox Achievement Award this year Martin Maul for his work in achieving racial integrity. But first, a few words from Jimmy the Greek. You know, [laughter] people look at JIMMY THE GREEK AND SAY, "My god, how can he say those damn things?" You give Gandhi five cocktails, he'll come up with the same [ __ ] Okay? Even Gandhi would be in a bargain. They're fast. What can I say? God damn it, I fast and they're bigger than I am. I If I could be Bubba, I would. GOD DAMN IT. I TELL YOU, I love this. Thank you for wearing this Russian sailor hat. Thank you. Look at this thing. It looks like Oh, hold on. Here. Takes it off. She's going, "No, I just want to meet a woman for something special. I bring sins. I am not afraid of sex." I thank you for wearing this. It's wonderful. Look at this sweater. Look at this. Obviously, someone took some masculine and said, "I'll knit." [laughter] [applause] Yes. [cheering] Yes. Look at you. Thank you for wearing this. Some man went blind saying, "Fuck it. LET'S GET IT OUT OF THE SHOT. This way sweat the sake. I'm Yes, I'm dyslexic. I'm not afraid to say it. [laughter] I was the kid at Halloween going, "Hi, Trick or Trout." Oh, look around. People are getting afraid. They're going, "Oh, man. Man, HE'S COMING TOWARDS MY TABLE. HOW YOU DOING? My god, I didn't I thought you were still in Congress. [laughter] >> [applause] >> My god. You have that look like you're going to go at any time, Mr. North. Did you realize we had Did you realize we had your balls in a sling? At any time, Mr. North. And there was old Ali. Ali up there looking kind of like, you know, he's looking right at him. They go, "Uh, pardon me, Senator. May I have a moment before I respond to the question?" >> No. [laughter] Mr. McFarland, would you like to answer the question? [laughter] I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE I AM. Where was that Reagan? I tell you THAT REAGAN. WHY DIDN'T THEY ASK OLIVER NORTH? HE'S UP ON THE STAND. ALL YOU HAD TO ASK HIM WAS, "WHERE are the strawberries?" The strawberries. I never knew about the strawberries. The men didn't like me. I didn't like the men. I want more heights from you. It's past the holidays. More heights. Look at you. LOOK AT YOU. YES. YES. SOMEWHERE THERE'S AN ANIMAL going [ __ ] it take it go. You know I told I told Judy I found these things on the freeway. I sold them together. [laughter] You know there those little psums out there running around Peppidge Farms putting them in a doughy crust. Look around. HOW ARE YOU DOING THERE? LOOK AT YOU IN A TUXEDO and a cowboy. You just must have a big old thing. You have a big truck outside that says I break for insight. Look, you're the type of man who could step in his own [ __ ] and go, "It's mine." [cheering] >> Yeah. [applause] Yes, indeed. LORD HAVE MERCY. THERE'S LOVE HERE IN HOLLYWOOD TONIGHT. That's why I come here to the improv, cuz I don't have an act. TO ME, THAT MEANS SOMETHING. IMPROV. THAT MEANS JERK OFF A LOT OF PEOPLE AT ONCE. WHY? Because I'm sorry I don't have an act. I could I I did it one time and but now, no. I Why do you look at me like we did something? [laughter] You're looking at me like, "I'm sorry. I didn't know anything." But keep wearing this. It looks like graph paper. I don't know. This is nice on a night when they keep you all fully lit and you all have this look like [laughter] he's going to talk to me. I don't know. I like coming here because for me it's fabulous. You know, tomorrow is the Super Bowl. I want to see large men hurting each other. Yes. I want to see. Maybe they should have some fashion consultant before the Super Bowl going. This time when they go into the bowl, I want every time someone is tackled, some clothing comes off. So by the end, everyone's in a huddle going, "Check it out." Then all of a sudden, the huddle is like a lazy Susan. All right. All right. I'm sorry I offended you. Obviously, you're a football fan going, "Don't ever do that again. [laughter] Don't make fun of large men. I'm sorry." Now, the gospel according to Bubba. Yay. Though they do have big thighs, they shall run. and others shall block for they have no necks. [laughter] And God did look down and he said, "Who shall own the team?" And he said, "Let there be whites." [laughter] [applause] For thine is the end zone in the dance for no reason. Thank you. What are you drinking here, son? What did you buy the little woman tonight? Oop, sorry. I pissed all over you. Feels like a bad res. Hello, I'm your waiter, Andre. [laughter] That's all the waiters in Hollywood are going. Listen, I'm an actor. [ __ ] it. I don't know why I'm serving you chicken. Champagne Mo Shandon. God, I remember this. Drink a few bottles of this, wake up nude in the hood of my car. That was fun. Those are the old days. Remember, bud? When there'd be 15 guys in the men's room in that one stall going, "How you doing?" Like the goat. [laughter] [applause] Yes. IT WAS LIKE BARNAMAN BAILEY CIRCUS IN COLOMBIA. HEY, NICE SHOW. NICE SHOW. NICE SHOW. [laughter] AND THAT COCAINE WAS SO GOOD, TOO. >> YOU THINK THIS WAS CUT WITH ANYTHING? MEMORIES. [laughter] YES. But those are past us now. I remember when I came here. I feel like we should be reminiscing. I remember there was Bred Friedman sitting by the door before this used to be a leather bar. [laughter] I came down here from San Francisco. I remember I walked in. I used to play in clubs in San Francisco, like in Berkeley, where most of the people were in wheelchairs. They couldn't laugh. You just heard. >> If they really liked you, they'd pop a wheelie like [cheering] I enjoyed your comedy. [laughter] >> Or sometimes I'd Well, I'd work at a place there's another place in San Francisco called the Intersection Coffee House where they'd have comedy after lesbian portrait. I know you shouldn't say lesbian. I'm sorry. I won't say lesbian. Women in comfortable shoes. Okay. Sorry. A large woman named Betty's going to like to talk to you now. [laughter] When I came down here because I thought Samuels and Cohen, they're going to LA. Yes, I feel like that. Let's go to LA. That's where it is. And I land on Hollywood Boulevard and it's junkies and pips and [ __ ] Oh my. Yes. [cheering] It's like Dorothy on acid. This is what it's about. And there's Bud like the Wizard of Oz going, "Don't look behind that curtain. Don't come into this club now. [screaming] And for a brief moment, can I use the word Mity? Is that okay? We have to use it. She's up there, man. She's up there, man. There's like an unspoken thing. >> I'll explain it, brother. I'll tell him. It's like up there on Sunset Boulevard. There's another place. A different place far away from here. It's another place. I'll say the word. It's okay, bud. You made a lot tonight. It's okay. [laughter] CALL THE COMEDY STORE. And sometimes people cross over and then they can never go back. [laughter] I just WANT TO SAY MAYBE ONE DAY YOU AND MITSY WILL SIT DOWN IN A ROOM like Reagan and Garbage but without the funny stuff on the head and there'll be peace and ONE DAY THERE'LL BE JUST ONE club called the commasation. That'll be it. WHERE EVERYONE WILL GATHER DOWN AND WE'LL EAT LOCKS FOR NO REASON. And you'll have her hair and she'll have your hair. That'll be it. Don't you see? ROBIN. >> YES, BUD. IT CAN HAPPEN IN OUR LIFETIME. WHY DO YOU HAVE TO OPEN UP EVERY PLACE SHE IS? [laughter] SHE'S SCARED. OH, there's money for everybody. Can't you see? Right now, I feel like Gandhi in a delicate test and going, "Who had the fish?" But that's my dream. Call me [ __ ] crazy. Call me [ __ ] wild. Look at these people up here. All of us working. Look at this man in a bow tie. That's a bola tie, isn't it? That's where people were actually brain dead to go. That's all. Just put it on like that. [applause] That's where it is. But I got to go. I got to go back up to San Francisco. There it is. It's amazing up there. You see people dressed like a cowboy and you're going, "No." And I know Paul talked about it. Paul's over here. Robert's here. Paul talked briefly about that. But hey, sex is a little scary. Unless you're going to live like with Maybe if you're really afraid, you're going to have to buy one of those rubber dolls and go, "Hi, Mom. This is Mich. [laughter] I love you. I GOT PULLING ME OFF, RIGHT? IT'S THE END OF MY TIME. We're live. Robin Williams. [applause and cheering] [applause] >> Comedy, comedy, COMEDY. >> Good night from the improvisation. [cheering] Thank you VERY MUCH. >> [applause] >> PEACE ON OUR LIFETIME. MAY IT BE TOGETHER PEOPLE. PAUL RODRIGUEZ, [cheering] RICHARD LEWIS, Billy Crystal, Martin. [applause] We work for friends. Friends, friends.