Rich Hall on Evening At The Improv (?) 1980s

Who's a Methodist? You know, this is a boring religion. Methodist, you know, there's nothing. It can't be Jewish or Catholic. That's an exciting religion. Methodist, you know, there's nothing. Believe you can't get into heaven unless you bring a covered dish, you know. Unbelievable. I don't know. We have here. Can I take off my coat? This is really [applause] have nude comedian mud wrestling here tonight. Anyway, I thought what we'd do here is um you know there's a big strike on and um baseball players and uh basketball season starting up pretty soon. I thought we'd open up if you've been here before, you know about that live sports phone in show that we have here at the improv. Uh and uh I thought if you want to run out of the corner, make a phone call at 2438700. We'd open up the improv sports phone here. And um here we go. >> Line one. Bob, I want to talk about the Korean build jabar and the records. You know, the recorders, they're always looking for a power forward. I think he would be a real good power for you come off the bench at any time. You can relax and rest them, you know, and ask for that 24 second play. Usually 24. >> Thanks for calling. All right. >> Okay. Thank you. [applause] >> Much coffee before we come here. >> Hello, Rich. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. I got a uh Oh god, this is kind of a weird question. Um >> true. >> If a batter is up at the plate and he has like a wooden leg or something, you know, a wooden leg. Um if he gets on base, could he like take his leg off and put it on the base and take a real big lead? >> Sure. Good. >> Thanks for going. All right. [applause] No more morons. Okay, folks. 2 43 here. Hello. Come here. >> Uh, please deposit $845. [laughter] [clears throat] >> Come along. Get some. It >> doesn't stop bringing a line to you're on the air. >> Hello. >> You're on the air, sir. >> Hello. >> Hello. >> Hello. >> Hello. >> I'm Tia. >> You're on the air, sir. I am. >> Yes. >> Okay. Goodbye. Thanks a lot. Live and unrehearsed. You're on the air, sir. >> Hello. >> Hello. >> You know what? >> What? >> I'm not wearing any underwear. >> Thanks for calling. >> Always a pleasure to have your phone in. One more call. One of time here. Make it a quick one. You're on the air. >> Out of time. Thanks for calling. That's all the calls we have this week on the sports phone. Thank you. [applause] [applause] Now, um the lost and primitive art of uh plexiglass impressions barely practiced anymore like alchemy. Uh I was trying to revive this single-handedly. It's my impression of Dustin Hoffman in the graduate Elaine. [applause] Go to a salad bar. They got that stupid sneeze guard up there. What a dumb invention that is. You know, you can never get to the chickpeas when you want them. You know, you can get somebody sneezed on the salad. Who would ever notice? You know, blend in with everything else. You know, we got a sneeze card up there. There's a whole grizzly story laid out right here. I don't know, honey. I'm going to have the omelet if you don't mind. You know, Los Angeles during rush hour. Get that PIECE OF JUNK CAR OFF THE ROAD. [applause] >> You're always stuck behind some tourist in a Winnebago on the freeway. YOU GET THAT BATTLE [screaming] SHIP OUT OF HERE. COME ON, PAL. I'M LATE FOR WORK. I DON'T NEED THIS AGGRAVATION. [applause and cheering] >> Same impression with the optional tenant glass. GET THAT BATTLESHIP OFF THE ROAD. >> Man trapped in a front load washer. GET ME OUT OF HERE. No more corners. [laughter] TOO MUCH CLOTH.