Paula Poundstone on David Letterman 1980s KCST San Diego

Thanks very much. How you doing? >> Good. I'm glad to hear it. I uh Sorry, just checking for safety. You have to be so careful. They do have vents in this ceiling so if the building flips over and then floods that half the people here that believe that God will save us can stay here and the rest of us can shove Shelley Winter's butt through there and go on ahead. >> Yeah. >> I'm not saying it was a recent film. I'm just saying you can get safety tips from almost anywhere, can't you? So, I'm good. I suppose nothing to worry about. Kind of, you know, it's so nice to be here with other people. I uh I've been I was living with a couple and they asked me to move out cuz they said that I got in the way, I guess, cuz a lot of times they'd be in bed making love and I'd be standing beside the bed saying, "Do you guys want to do something?" And I live I have now I have roommates that are little kids and the other day I told them they had to take a nap because it was time for them to take a nap and they started to cry and got really angry at me. Can you remember when you didn't want to sleep? Isn't that inconceivable? Now I think that's the definition of adulthood right there is that you want to sleep. [laughter] If a three-year-old came up to me and said, "Listen, I am beat. I'm just gonna crash in the other room. I'd be like, "Congratulations, you're a man." I have uh Well, that's one I'd have two different places now. I have another place where I have two cats. That's my big life there. Only they have fleas right now, which makes me feel bad cuz um I live in a one-bedroom apartment and they don't go out. So, if they have fleas, then it means they got them from me. [laughter] They felt like a jerk making them wear the collars. [laughter] Sorry, fellas. They don't come in my size. Then I had to kind of suck up to him, you know. No, they they look good. Summertime's always kind of a scary time for me anyways cuz uh well, for one thing, cuz my parents bought a Winnebago, which means they could pull up in front of my house any day now and just live there. I tell you what, they're not getting any water and they're not plugging anything yet. They should have thought of that a long time ago. My mom was one of those moms always trying to get you to feel bad for. When I was a little kid, this is what she told me that this was how she learned how to swim. Someone took her out in a boat in the middle of a lake and threw her off the boat. And that's how she learned how to swim. I said, "Mom, they weren't trying to teach you to swim." [laughter] [applause] I guess when they shot out of there trying to teach you to deflect bullets. [laughter] It's a geeky lie that my mom made up. It's kind of sort of exciting for North and Po Dexter to bring lying back into fashion. Didn't you feel I feel it opens up so much to so many? [laughter] Did you trust them? >> Did I I don't trust anybody who can't answer a personal question about their own life without leaning over to that council guy. Every time they did that, I want to say that lawyer, you know, if you give him the answers, how will he learn? Hm. [laughter] [applause] I wish that Bert and Ernie from Sesame Street were in Congress cuz I think Bert would have listened to North for about two seconds before he'd just go [laughter] cuz that how Bert gets mad. Remember the time Ernie took his nose off and wouldn't put it back in the right place? Do you remember that? No, man. I never seen Bert that pissed. [laughter] There was steam coming off his felt. his little hair shooting straight up. Thank Reagan uh it doesn't make any sense. It makes no sense to me that he doesn't I know he said it in the speech. I heard it. But how could he not have known about that whole thing? He hung out with those people. They worked together. What? He walked into a room and everyone go [laughter] and he didn't want to pry cuz he thought maybe they were planning a surprise party for him and he didn't want to wreck it. probably he used to like think bit that when he opened the door people were going to jump up from underneath furniture all the time he wander around little birthday hat on fellas ah nothing [snorts] [laughter] I think he's just carry president remember his excuse for not doing his job well no one else remembers what they were doing August 8th well that would be fine logic sir if we were on a playground but here in the adult world you have to do a little better than that first I thought gez I don't remember what I was doing August state. And then I got all happy because I thought I could be president. >> You guys have been great. Thank you very much. [cheering and applause] [music] [applause] [music] [applause] Sorry about the lights, but we got it uh got it figured out in time. >> I didn't even notice. Was there light? >> Well, you were you were in darkness for a little bit and then it cleared right up. I I have such terror most of the time that I have no sense of light or darkness. >> Well, you did a fine job nonetheless. No sense of light or dark. Uh what are you doing this summer? >> I don't [laughter] know. >> I'm preparing for the lining of Maybe that was caused by the lighting of the planets thing. We're just talking about that. The lining of the Did you know about that? It's >> coming up Sunday. >> It's that thing from that song when the moon is in the and what it means is that Marilyn Maku will circle the earth >> which is such a frightening [laughter] concept really. Uh, and where where you you're hosting Friday night videos tomorrow. Is that right? >> Yeah. Well, it's actually, to be honest, it was taped yesterday. No, it's not tomorrow. It's a week from tomorrow, but it was taped yesterday. >> Good. And you'll be uh That means so much to the home viewer. And And you'll be at Play It Again, Sam in Boston. >> I didn't want to lie to you. >> This weekend? >> I Yeah, I'll be there this weekend. >> Great. Nice job. Nice job. Thank you very much. Thank you for [cheering] pause. We'll be back there with Senator >> [music and applause]