Media Production for Families of the Future

The family of the future its continuity that finely woven thread that keeps the family pattern much the same and it's change where the warp and the wolf of life is combined but in a different way however looking at today's family by far the majority of them are in the traditional pattern the husband and wife blend a little more than half of those couples have children in the home and about half have no children for some that's a choice and for others it reflects that the kids have grown and gone we have more people living alone today some widowed of course but more young people choosing their own way of living as they settle in the job market away from home and we do have more single-parent families than before reflecting primarily a higher divorce rate but this is still a small percentage of our total family units and then there's that category called other again a small percentage but here's where the unmarried couples the communes the convenience type living arrangements fit in all family patterns are much the same in one sense or another and no matter what our family makeup is we all have about the same pathway toward growth it's a double track path if you will and we need both of them for balance as we go one is for our own individual growth our identity or self-concept well-trodden throughout life as we learn seek want change the other is for our family growth giving stability and balance to our stride down life's path it dips in and out of the dependency we all have for each other that inter dependency woven with adapting caring growing changing how does a family weave these threads of inner dependency throughout their circle of life we asked them and willing to share some of their concerns with you are the mollendorf a reconstituted family his hers and theirs with both parents employed the Smiths also a second marriage family and both working outside the home the Waterman 'he's a traditional family makeup he teaches and she used to but is a full-time homemaker now the Robinsons he just finished some schooling and she's a daycare provider at home the O'Briens her husband was at work today we were there the Walsh myths her husband too was at work and two single-parent families Suzanne Boyd and her son Bill and Jeff Brightman and his son Scott these are the families that will help us take a look at ourselves and some of our concerns as families and are we the adapting caring growing changing family of today the adapting family can plan ahead and still has what it takes to work at those differences that might loom up as they've talked things over you know something will come up we'll talk about what we think and what kind of what kind of behavior we want you know if the kids knows it's dad in the morning when they get up you go to the babysitter and one of us will pick them up whenever we're done you know whoever has done first picks up the kids we don't think of it as a real house problem which is something we live with we both worked since we've had children that that's the only way I really know how to adjust Brian takes Emily to the sitter which is only a black and a half away from us and then he walks to school from there sometimes yes but if he's not taking her then we'll walk her off the Ryder bikes there we visit with our friends about raising kids but you know a lot of them have kids the same age and we don't know if they're doing the right thing you know it's too late and and then we see friends of ours who who have their kids raised and we don't and then we ask them and they will they don't sure what they did in there they're glad they did the right thing you know as far as it's going somebody for advice I don't I think the only thing you can do is just give it your best shot and do what you think is right I hope it works out I agree with Mike very much on it that um yeah you can only go so much with what your friends have done you know whether you believe it's right or wrong children I don't see any reason a father can't love his child the same as a mother I also don't see any reason that a father can't do the same things for a child that a mother does and I'll grant you I come home and I cook and I clean and do all the things that a mother would have to do and you know and tend to his needs but you know it can be coped with with a father I think just as easily as with the mother you know the thing is the effect that it has on a man's career I haven't really been passed over for anything because of my problems and taking care of him but you are limited you know certainly it was not easy for me to travel in any context he was very young and things are much different now because he is much more independent than he was and with the freedom that I've given him you know maybe there's too much there I don't have a good feel for that yet I'm not comfortable with a situation yet I've very rarely had an instance where I absolutely couldn't find out where he was adaptability differs from one family to another partly because of family heritage partly because of past experiences of family members and partly due to the changes that family members are going through all of my sisters and I were broke up when we were small children and we went with different relatives and it's important that you learn to communicate and learn to get along sometimes it's difficult everybody has their fights I have learned that if there is something wrong that you you work it out you know you don't give up because it's so easy to give up and it seems so simple and it seems that all the problems will be settled if you just split up but that's not the way it works I feel I personally feel that problems just start when you split up you know it when if a family breaks up then your problems really just start then they don't end there and I would love didn't have no insight all its whether anyone else had its you got to learn how to do something to be somebody you know you can't you just can't sit around waiting for somebody to give it to you because nothing's like you read about in the storybooks and I learned that and it's kind of a letdown because life isn't storybook style you don't grow up and marry a doctor or a lawyer and you sit and everything is one big happy family ya know it's not like that and I think that the main thing I try to push on to my children is to for them to realize that it's not like you read about in storybooks you don't always come out on top you have to work for what you get and that it's it's just not like the little fairy tales live happily ever after if you do you make it that way she you know she's all me and my brother because she knows that she did she wants us there the things that she didn't have my dad is too we've tried to make the decisions together I mean I won't make a decision without talking over one well what do you first but I will there's a lot of things that he wants to talk out with me and I just don't want here and I'll tune him out most definitely he can just talk and talk and talk can I look him dead in the face and not hear one word he said I learned that from my mother she gets upset she says it doesn't bother her but at breakfast everyone else usually comes to the surface and we can get it popped out and she's still gonna budge on it but we usually compromise somewhere down the line and we just let it go out back and you know it's all you can't do it's either that or you know pack your clothes and give up and that's something I don't intend to do I mean I have my clothes and say they I believe in I can handle this no more but I've only gone around the corner my family no matter how mad we get we may act like we're breaking out but we normal I'm usually one to go storming out you know my folder one time I said you you gotta go this is my house too you know so didn't work out very well she only stood outside the door side living back in when children are small the adaptability pattern for many families is pretty tight in other words the family environment is fairly well structured them but as the family members grow parents start giving their children more responsibilities that makes the environment more flexible way to have them come home first thing do their homework get it out of the way then do their chores and they're free the rest evening they've got all the necessities finished didn't always work out that way so I just made up a little cuz they'd always say I forgot I forgot so far this is a good way not to forget I'll write them down you guys will know they're there to look at I'm trying to teach them responsibility because someday they will be on their own and then we're gonna need to help take care of themselves it does get to be quite a chore well anyway they just seem to always forget and I figured this would be a way so they don't forget and there's no excuse for forgetting it's written right up on the wall if they forget then we go for me I feel good my duty is done then I know that I can play out I get in trouble I just want them to learn responsibility and be able to be organized because they are gonna be on their own someday well I don't know you have five children in your home and you have them involved in music activities in sports activities just keeping the laundry up and a little bit of dirt out of the corners and enough food on the table a week we garden and I do a lot of canning and freezing and I don't really even notice there's too much lose your time if you might really want the truth linda has a part-time job at the rest home and with the boys being in athletics and and in band tonight they have a rehearsal after supper and with cecil's school activities plus a couple of other boards that he serves on and and work that we do for our church we're really kind of going lots of different directions so my problem is really trying to keep them organized keep their equipment working and keep everything rolling I guess that's about but it's a wonderful challenge I think we I'm really happy that our children cooperating many of the ventures that they do and so some it's the only way to can succeed I guess if they fight us all the way it's a real problem whenever I have a problem or something that needs to be worked out I find it it's very easy to go to both of my parents and just sit down and try to work out the way you know when I like when I need the car maybe when they need it and then try to get things scheduled around so it satisfies both of us basic to family adaptability is family leadership which can range all the way from strict authoritarian to a more democratic way we're all members have input or disciplined again ranging from strict to a more permissive atmosphere or negotiation which may be very to where there's almost no end to the options opened or organization with a greater degree of organization there's less slippage for family problems to arise and also values and that core of family values usually is learned by one generation from another the one thing we want is total honesty you know it even if it's a stupid little thing like did you take a bite out of that Apple you know I expect the truth or if if somebody pulled all the onions up in our garden well he knows he's gonna be in trouble but we want the truth and I guess we spend more time stressing that you know I've found that we've really talked about we feel really strong about you know someday he's gonna maybe get in trouble and and something happened we've got to know what's wrong and and I guess that's when we'll find out if we did a good job teaching and be honest politeness this is becoming a rule you know it's it's kind of put in practice but it's becoming a rule around here that you don't automatically demand that you'd be polite and ask because that's really the only way you're really going to get anything if you can demand you might get it but you're not going to get a smile out of it do what you can be not what someone wants you to be or don't try to go higher than you are you know deal with you don't be what you are be what you can be if you're black be black if you're white be white you know but but accept everyone as a human being then damn all the rest of it you know what doing doing doing that education or anything get in your way you know you accept everyone I didn't care how low they are I don't care how high they are you let the accept everyone as they are you know look at a person for a bill that person you know like like your lady look at it look like you so didn't lady looking you for being a gentleman know what color D is not like nationality not nothing like that you know you need you got that you got that feel from the inside they're doing only try to down wait somebody you know try to build somebody up so that maybe maybe I'm not saying they will maybe they be negative members but but you know maybe there'll be somebody someday you know I always think the point you know life's not promised to anybody you know I may not be here tomorrow so the main thing that I try to pass on to my kids and I drive it into them almost every day of their lives is to get their education I'm always worried about emergencies if I should become ill bill should become ill it would have a devastating effect on our family I've got to think about saving for his education later on I've been doing that recently wondering you know where like a squeeze of ten years to start a fund for that financial problems I worry about well I think that's a real problem today that with young families is becoming dependent on the to salaries if something should ever happen to one of them they're just out of luck there's no way they can survive one salary it's it's very very hard for us to live on just my salary and I don't I don't pretend that we do it but we use a lot of Donna's salary too but like we planted a garden and I have been canning and freezing things you know that way I think it saves a tremendous amount on our food bill we've got absolutely nothing saved for the kids education right now there are a lot a lot of other things we need to save money for right now as far as kids education my that's the thing that bothers me I don't know what we'll do when that time comes adapting caring growing changing all a part of a family's day or a family's lifetime what is that cohesive bond that holds a family together well we've never called them a consummating but I guess we do try to at least once a day have our family together around the table some time or another and I like to hear their problems their challenges and of course I'd like to feel that we at that time can give them a little advice and hope that they can choose to follow it if that advice seems suitable to their situation but I'm sure we don't do enough of it but we'll keep trying I think one of the ways that we sort of have a cohesive feeling in our family is that everybody works together at our home I mean my voice do laundry and they do dishes and sweep floors and vacuum and as well as the girls and the girls help on the garden and they do some of the lawn mowing and we even had them involved in Canada no I have a lot of family support the kids help me wash clothes and fold them then they carry them upstairs and put them away Mike does a lot of help with housework for me you know if there's something that needs to be done and I'm not here I can depend on them to help me in that respect but usually we we work together and getting things done meals are usually very simple with small children in the family the level of family caring is more closely knit as the children grow their peers and others may become increasingly more influential then family unity tends to become more separated there's a mutual bond there that I you know I just find all I can trust him it's even like him being here alone know he could bring kids in here and they could literally tear the house apart but he won't do that he'll have his friends in some time but they'll sit here and play the electronic games on the TV or play the piano or just talk or listen to tapes and I come home and things are in good order and you know I can trust him to do those things well I can close my friends most the time then I go to ball games and I play football I'm always at his games I go to every football game I went to always Little League games and I enjoy those things and I want to be there but as far as the actual doing together you know we probably don't do that much the junior high yeah or the middle school age as its referred today I think is a very critical age very critical these youngsters again are opening the door to new walks of life and hard times always always keeping them their hands on Who am I what am i doing and where am I going I don't think we ever try to hide our feelings about family problems maybe financial situation at a given time we try to you know that isn't something that's that's between justice Cecil and myself I mean we share it with them too I think one thing that hopefully will help them as they face situations in their growing up times is oh if a situation has occurred in our family what do we sometimes tell you about like Linda for instance if she's getting to do something that you can't do and you say it isn't fear and what do we tell you what do you have to do yes it's the closeness the common ground the support from each other the decision-making the unity these are the kinds of ties that bind a family together you know I think that period of time when they come home from school is it's just that essentially is the time you need to be home and not just when they're young like Jenelle is but when they're teenagers too because if they've got something bothering them you can sense that when they come in the door our children referred to this that as often as possible and that if they can come to an adult and feel comfortable in discussing their problem many of their problems seem like mountains and some of them are mountains to them but so if they have a chance just to sound it out and somebody to respond and either clarify where they're standing is on that whether we're right or wrong at least they can gain another perspective and this many times I think helps them to take a better look at the challenge that they met that day or J I called a great day cuz he's crying the cat jumps on me and then licks my hair balls sleep with me I'll snuggle that I think that single-parent families find they are more isolated than the two-parent families with children I think mothers especially because there are 24 hours in charge of a child so that eliminates spontaneity of just jumping in the car and going to visit a friend or saying to your spouse watch the kid for a couple of minutes I'm gonna go get a quart of milk it takes a lot of planning to do the smallest little thing I think a lot of single parents find that as it's a great no but as far as some socializing because it's such a problem to plan to go someplace we usually go together we read we spent a lot of time at the house and visiting with two of our friends my sister and I took our two kids two years ago in my Volkswagen on a 4000 mile trip and slept in a pup tent that's the sophisticated vacation sweetie but you know when I was a child we went all the time all over the United States oh yeah but everything that I each time I think about camping I come up with something new to tell them and they really enjoy it when we sit and talk about our adventures of camping and vacationing and now they're seeing it and enjoying it my husband and Lance were up at 4 o'clock this morning they set the alarm got up hunted nightcrawlers oh right the camping everybody works together to load the car and unload the car and set up the tent and the kids will go get water and firewood we play cards together dice games any games we'll sit at the table or even out camp and we'll sit and play cards and dice that's important to me I know the days are kind of busy my husband some days has real busy hours it's not always easy but boy every chance there is we take advantage of sitting down and playing cards or some sort of game or working the other on something there's even times my husband and my kids will stand and do dishes just to help me sometimes we just do something ordinary we feel like celebrating and we celebrate fancy something also there that we like to do we like to do things together all of us he takes us fishing lots of times we don't want to go because he goes too early in the morning he wants you up at 6 o'clock to be out on the fish bank but we like to go fishing together and we drive out you know to Saylorville and we like to look around stuff you know you can do together every day during the year we have to get up at 5 o'clock in the morning to get ready for work because we both drive school buses ok this kind of cheats the kids we don't have a lot of time to spend with them we're back during the day back and you know to work in the evening and it really slows us down as far as spending time with the kids so since we're off for a few weeks I keep cooler loaded at all times and ready to go and we just get up in the morning and if we feel like going to a park or over to their grandparents house or whatever it's ready it's there if your family has all these things then you do have a true family indeed and true to is that the picture taken today of your family will never be the same as the picture taken tomorrow the family is never static it's forever changing its members grow in many ways like it or not then my children stay children one thing you know that's I guess that's everybody they think I can hardly wait till they grow up but I've pictured it in my mind and I really want to keep my children little as long as I can I guess my life everybody's told me surrounds around them you know in a few years and we have not that many left he's in sixth grade he's got two years of junior high and four years of high school and then he is on his own and then I will come home to that empty house I've got to start look forward to the day that I don't come home to that empty house so I was very content to just be raising him between the ages of 4 and 10 or 11 or so forth but now that he's old enough to look after himself somewhat I've got to start to look after myself somewhat I don't ever want to change I'm a kid at heart that way because I like fooling around messing around and my boy I don't I don't ever want them to change what I know they will they'll grow up and they'll change but I like the free spirit of a child you know I guess that's what it is I don't want the free spirit there we change that sound weird I think everything will stay the same I don't think of being a one know anything I just don't live we're still loving each other and still married I Scott would like I think for us to have a family it's not that he Minds living with me he just rather that we were a little bigger group I thinking that there was a mother in the home and it would be better as as our family grows I believe we will grow stronger together stronger knit in bonds of love and I feel that it's a head growth process and I don't think you can't stay the same I don't think anything can you know I think all of it is an eventual growth process and I really don't think anything can stay the same and I'm not so sure well I don't know whether I'd really wanted to or not I'm thinking we're a much more easygoing family now four years ago the only child was Amy she would have been two at the time and we we just have learned to communicate better my husband and I have and with with Mary and with Laurie coming into our family we've learned just to take things one day at a time you know and not get upset about little things that something gets spilled or thrown or because it's bound to happen you know and as a whole the children play really well together and they're starting to play with the baby now you know where she's not just a baby that lays around in cries they're starting to involve her in her active you know in their activities and they've started to as a family where the children are getting to the age now where we can really talk to them and we sit down and talk a lot we sit down and read a lot but four years from now I would say I'm not really certain if we'll be financially any better off if we are that's fine if we're not that's okay too look either way it'll be all right I feel four years down the road we will be I hope it even closer family where we as the children start to age a little that we start getting into physical as well as communication activities with them and because Lori will be at that age where we can all go swimming together or we can all go bicycle riding or something together you know four years from now there are a lot of more a lot more things that we can all do together than we can right now I just I just feel personally that four years from now we will be even happier than we are now adopting caring growing and changing an ongoing process in every healthy family and the strength of that family depends a great deal upon how skillfully they whether those changes changes that are actually a necessary part of their growth together but he's been with the babysitter since he was three months old well I've had a babysitter that came to the home I've had a daycare center I've had situations where I took him to the to the daycare provider he went to a day camp with the YWCA this summer he has experienced a lot of social situations just helped him to be him it's helped him to face who he is and to test himself you can't he can't be any other way he's just the way he is so I don't think it's harmed him he's been in safe environments and that's the most important what are our responsibilities as a family well the obvious one is to provide a good home you know a stable home where where a kid can can grow up knowing that you know it's always gonna be there and it's and his parents already gonna act reasonably responsible a place where a child can come back to for support help if needed I remember how what my parents did and I guess I didn't turn out so bad so I kind of use them as my guide I think everybody does that you know you remember what you did as a child and how you felt and you react to some of the things that your children do as to well my folks who did this to me when I was young you know this just isn't acceptable type thing behavior so I guess you relate to how you were raised very much we were both raised on farms so it's you know it's a lot different yeah you know because they have their their friends right here you know in our lives it was a big day we got to go to town play with our friends and I forgot to take our bicycle and ride around town with him that was unbelievable you know where where do they live with that every day we didn't have the peer group pressures and problems that that I think Brian and Emily and Jenny are gonna have just because they're exposed to them so much more I know Brian probably thinks we're horrible sometimes when we tell him he can't go across the street and play with the other kids but sometimes there's a point where I think a child should stay home and play with his own things yeah a lot of things doing on guard yeah we have a lot of things for kids to do outside and like John I don't think it hurts him to work once in a while he has jobs to do and when I'm out working in the yard he very often comes out and helps me sometimes not always voluntarily but you know no I don't think it hurts it hurts and getting how to work either when I come home and find a bed unmade I should go out and get him and making him in and make the bed but it's so much easier to just go up there and make it myself and not worry about it and you know here's when he grows up and gets married his wife is gonna hate me he drops his clothes on the floor he leaves his bed undone the towels are on the floor in the bathroom the drawers are open and that sort of thing so I know I'm not raising a model husband for someone by any means but they're gonna have to live with it he's gonna have to change one or the other tell you the truth I think it's typical twelve-year-old boy and that's why I'm not so concerned with it yet I'm too old to remember how I was at 12 but I I learned how to do the things I do partly and this is part of the reason I guess that I've been able to care for him maybe a little better than some other fathers is because since I was in my early teens I've been doing all these things for myself for some period during my teenage years I lived with my grandparents and the only way that worked was that I had if I want to clean clothes I had to wash and my brother and I both lived with my grandparents for a while it was because of a family situation and you know we help in the kitchen he cooked I wash dishes and I learned those things from an early age you know he'd like to get involved in these things to some extent when I'm in the kitchen sometimes he'll want to help more so in the winter than in the summer because in the summer it's eaten run but in the winter he'll help out in the kitchen and he's interested because he sees me doing these things he wants to do them I have certain things that they're supposed to do of course they're like any other kids if you're not on their backs constantly somehow they don't get done but as far as on an adult situation we split things pretty much down the middle as a matter of fact while I was I worked all the time I was carrying the baby and drove the school bus until about three weeks before I had her and he carried the ball he cooked cleaned and so we it's pretty much and he still does he does a lot my color so just to stay home then figure the house of the kids I went nowhere because I enjoy being with the kids we enjoy each other it seems like what I'm doing you know my mom she gets on this but sometimes all of us we'd my I'd yourself but we still have each other's everything I think when we have problems that kind of brings us closer together we need each other more than ever at the time sometimes we just sit down and talk it out sometimes my husband and I do cuz so it doesn't really concern the children nothing they can do about it I like taking care of doofus he's a pretty good dog and when he runs off I catch him that bring him home and put him on tuned he'll stay on the chain for a little while bring him in the house now we've got him trained so then he won't run off anymore we can just sometimes if he gets loose in the yard we'll let him go for a few minutes my children will always be there even after they've grown I hope they come back and Remember Who I am I think my children are most important I was out shopping one day with a girlfriend about four years ago and we was looking at posters and this and that and I of all the posters I had seen I spotted that one that is the way I've always felt I've just never been able to put it into those words have anything in the world all the money in the world I want to be happy and half my love that's all I've ever wished for Sunday it's hard to believe after some noisiest Saturday night that it can be so quiet now there were so many words I wanted to use last night words like tomorrow together and love if I say I love you I want it to mean more than I love peanut butter or James Bond movies I want it to mean I'm letting go for always I've been afraid before but I won't turn back now I've never used the word love before never but let's not talk about love let's talk about dogs or summertime we can read the funny papers out loud or go to the zoo or just stay here like we are come out along the trees with me you never knew my middle name I never told him that do you know I can stand on my hands almost there's probably a mall down our back that escaped my eyes in the darkness we need to know it all everything that brought us to each other's arms and why all those mysteries we've saved for no one we can give to one another where did the night go already at Sunday I love you