MARRIAGE: TODAY

[Music] [Applause] ch it's always wonderful and special and new sure other folks think they know what it's all about millions of other folks but when did two people ever really love each other as we do when were two people ever so sure they were just born to live with each other we can't fail to find happiness together in this wonderful world of today and tomorrow in a a whole lifetime of wonderful tomorrows Imagine A Home of our own a home made of smiles and love of Hope and cheer a home safe against trouble and loneliness a sunny cozy place all of our own and you'll do this and I'll do that and we'll never want it to be any other way again ever for the rest of our lives an extremely attractive idea that young men have proposed since time IM Memorial but how valid is it in our time in America today the dream of a home of your own when you go looking for it can turn into a nightmare a social blight called slums a health problem called overcrowding an economic deadlock called housing these can be love nests in a real world this is what often shelters young family life in our time it's not surprising if young people are given Pause by the fears of our age by the threat of war war that twice in their parents' lifetime called young husbands away from their family life it's an age of unrest and change both individual and social an age of confused personal values of widespread domestic difficulties culminating in a fabulous number of broken homes how can one expect to build a permanent relationship amid such impermanence the young men and women ready for marriage today were born in a depression where can they find the courage and hope to take the responsibility of making what should be the most secure of all worlds a home in the atmosphere of competition and Chaos there seems to be the world around us it's not cowardice that makes them think twice about the problems of raising children in a world where the tight range of dollars and cents must ever govern the individual's creative instincts where ambition is confin of the chasm between inflation and deflation where Rising living costs seem always to outdistance lagging earning power it's a tough world this world the young people are supposed to inherit but they are young people and the in a drive to grow up and have children to make a life that is richer more satisfying more pleasurable than any other is strong within them in spite of the conditions around them they are determined to find a way to raise a family and a way to give strength and permanence to that family they are like the thousands of other young couples hopeful and Resolute who every day in America go through the most serious solemn ceremony that man can voluntarily enter into a ceremony that is a Sacrament in every religion it is a binding contract under every law that is celebrated with joy in every culture moderns enter the most traditional of all human relationships with a knowledge that nothing can make a marriage work except the people who are living it now or at any other time in man's history on the other hand marriage in most of America today is a little different from what it was yesterday because the people are a little different for instance philis Burn's housewife by choice a year ago she was Phyllis Hagen she was staining slides in the Pathology Lab down at the hospital at 23 she was earning her own living and living her own life her work was useful and interesting and in her time being a bachelor girl isn't the social disgrace it was when our parents called them spinsters Phyllis didn't marry because she had to or because it was a duty she could take it or leave it but it was the idea of children mostly that made Phyllis say yes the idea of a life with no one of her own to love and care for seemed to her like only half a life or less she wanted a family wanted marriage moderns like Phyllis think of marriage as a voluntary state for both men and women a reasonable goal for adults not an end in itself she met Chad at the University in a math course she got the better grades now he's an engineer and she's a housewife he's helping to build a hospital in her town a town he never heard of before they got to know each other people aren't stopped by geography or class distinctions in selecting a marriage partner nowadays Chad didn't choose fil for money or connections or even because she seemed the most wonderful girl on earth he'd known other girls that he liked both socially and in his work sure he was in love with Phyllis but he wasn't looking for a miracle he was looking for a wife and he chose carefully without help as he does most things he did it with a sense of being responsible for it trying to know as many facts as possible and then acting with faith in himself and in her Freedom of Choice it's a modern privilege and a modern responsibility just as she believes that a child is a person and entitled to respect and consideration Katherine har another wife in our town believes a married woman is a person too Katherine is another modern with modern ideas about education and marriage as well to her the husband is not the master the wife a slave she doesn't think of the children in her classes as inferior to her and she doesn't think of herself as inferior in any way to Frank who she married 4 years ago different yes as every man is from Every Woman as every individual ual is from any other individual but one isn't better than the other for those differences as a teacher and a mother Kathy is a free fulfilled human being she's able to pull her weight in the partnership that is marriage in a modern partnership the rights and privileges like the duties and responsibilities are better balanced when they're equal Frank is a businessman practical responsible sensible he thinks of things in terms of cause and effect as a modern he even thinks about marriage that way years ago the marriage deal worked if the husband was sober and brought home the paycheck every week if the wife was faithful and produced a house full of children Frank knows it doesn't quite work that way anymore he's shrewd about people meets a lot of them in the course of his business day he knows a lot of happily married couples but he also knows the divorce rate in America marriage is like a car Frank says to keep running smoothly it's got to keep getting the fuel that makes it start and go in the first place people have to go on liking each other in order to live together a man has to be able to ask is this a good thing for me for her for the child and the answer has to be yes at least pretty good for all of us if young people could look into the minds of modern couples how would they find that question answered what are the positive values that go with the jokes about the ball and chain what does marriage mean to the people who live it day after [Music] [Music] day companionship belonging it's hard to hit on the right word but that's what's most important in marriage for me anyhow yes companionship but not just being with another person Phill is very much a gal and these camping trips of ours are like going on a date with a companionship angle added it's mornings like this getting up when it's still cool feeling alone and yet not quite alone not [Music] lonely this has always been my way of combing out the tangles I get myself into and she used to go into these woods with her dad when she was a kid so you couldn't get a better team for the chores and for the fun when I first met her we found we kind of like the same things as well is liking each other sure we'll argue about where the fish are biting today but we can settle it without anger or a feeling we're each giving in to the [Music] other it's fun just being with her she can take tough breaks without getting fussed if the sun isn't shining we can usually fix our troubles with a laugh often Phil and I don't have to say anything and we know what we mean that comes from being together so much and liking it that's probably the most wonderful thing of all that Bond of relaxed silence I can know she's with me without having to touch her or talk to her we're together really together maybe I do take a little more responsibility than I would if I'd gone out with Jack or Willie so what to tell the truth I got a kick out of it the old business of being the man of the house making believe we're tougher or something but it makes you feel good anyhow there's a lot of things like that I've started to do since we decided to go it together trying to understand her crazy Notions having patience and encouraging her when she's low really respecting her for the terrific gal she is it's not always easy I've got my own problems but it sure pays off and not only with her by wanting to give her those things I've learned how to give them to other people the better I am with her the better I am with the gang in the office gets to be a habit I suppose this husband business I like Frank I like liking him I feel good way down inside when he's buzzing around nearby whether he's gay or tired or just busy old frank like now I feel warm and cozy when I like someone completely without Reserve I find I like myself I'm happy we're all a little like that I guess I can see it in Frank the way he buses over the house or the tone of his voice when he talks to buddy it's fun to like Frank isn't the handsomest man in the world or the cleverest but he won't ever make me ashamed of liking him life isn't perfect sometimes when I want to Stew quietly Frank's need for Action is a nuisance but it doesn't last long on the other hand there are lots of things that interest me that he won't talk about because he finds them high Brown we're different but in the things that count we never really get far from each other I sometimes think I can see our love in buddy in his eyes in his smile it's in the air that he breathes in the food that he eats love can be a good healthy diet in spite of what they say about not living on it for growing kids I think it's more important and vitamins it's not bad for young women approaching middle age either she's always talking about getting old every new wrinkle every gray hair to tell the truth she looks better to me every day Kathy was always good-looking but since buddy was born something has happened to her looks more peaceful sweeter realer sure I've thought about it every married man does I've tried to figure out why we don't get bored with each other the way people in novel seem to do naturally we're getting older but I don't notice it not in her not in me as far as she's concerned as long as things stay the way they are I'm a happily married man yes it may be different from the movie version but the gal at home is the gal I go for and not just his wife or companion or mother of my kid I mean gal and after five years I want to touch her and kiss her and hold her in my arms and maybe that's funny but it's also wonderful maybe it's just because we've played it straight I'm not kidding her and she's not holding anything back the more we're together the more we like each other when the first romantic fever was over we didn't give up and try finding it somewhere else we looked at each other instead clearly as we really were and we liked what we saw Kathy doesn't need pink ribbons or a phony Halo to make her look good nor do brains and strength make a pretty girl any less [Music] feminine the guy that prefers a pretty gal to a beautiful woman has got an awful lot to learn Chad is solid he's there now whenever I need him you might think so to see us operate I always seem to be doing things for him and he seems to depend on my doing them a stranger might wonder how he got along before I met him but that's not really how I feel about it take his work for instance there's a lot of math to be done in connection with this building competition he's entered he could do it alone of course but it happens that I'm pretty good at math and so we agreed that I would do part of it it's work sure but it's fun too and the fact that he trusts me to do it well is what I call respect and respect is something very important to me how did it ever get to be so late I'll have to fly to get to that clinic on time and I'm not finished with the ironing looks like I'll have to start changing a lot of habits even though the baby isn't due for another 6 months I wonder what he's going to do to our routine we've only just settled down into this way of life and now that must be Chad already I am late the old goof I think he's beginning to behave like a proud papa I like to get lunch for him but on days like this I simply can't everything is ready I'm sure he doesn't mind coping for [Music] himself funny I always thought I'd be scared but I'm not not of this nor what's coming Chad told me I wouldn't be when the time comes he said your whole body gets ready for it and so does your mind and he's right he's always doing that encouraging me making me feel that I can stand on my own feet he's a real person and he expects me to be a real person too funny thing is that it works of course I don't mind waiting it's what I gave up pathology for it's to be a woman like all these other women it's really being a person in the most complete sense it's part of the big thing behind Chad and me neither one of us needs the other to live or breathe for him on the other hand we're not ashamed to depend on each other once in a while as a team we're going to be hard to beat these marriages are not perfect but all in all they seem to work and they work in proportion to the emotional maturity of the partners marriage is an institution for grown-ups Kathy has grown up to the point of accepting herself the simple good natured Soul who likes to love and be loved to be sure Frank might read more than the sports page if he wanted to be a better companion for his wife and family but Kathy knows what she's looking for and there's a good chance she'll do what it takes to get it big things and Little Things No One expects anyone the harfords were going to spend a quiet evening at home oh of course Jim Kieran he did promise to drop the list of new kowas members come on in for a few minutes Jim but sure we're not doing a thing this evening Kathy could easily do without the Kieran tonight but Frank knows he may need Jim's vote when the council meets next week on that zoning proposition so in they come well that's the end of Mozart for tonight it's tough but Frank usually knows what he's doing and so the harfords entertain the Kieran isn't exactly what either family planned or exactly what the ladies wanted but it won't be such a bad evening across town at the burns it's the old team at work stresses safety factors underpinnings the competition only has a month to go and the second floor drawings haven't even been started who can that be at this hour not Molly or Jack haslin Bill Martin be nice to see him in Eve soon what's that they want us to go to the movies tonight of course we can't darling we agreed we were going to finish these plans sure but I just told him we were spending the evening at home but Phyllis is a big girl too if she's going to spend her time helping Chad she's going to see that something comes of it she's given up her career for the marriage but that doesn't mean she's turned into a place play girl and Chad has grown up enough to adjust to decide between two things that he wants by picking the one he wants most and letting the other go he'd like to spend the evening with the Martins he'd like to finish the job he knows he's lucky to have a wife who knows what he wants most things are Mar if less productive over at the hartfords there are no bosses in a modern marriage no one who is right all the time or even most of the time and no slaves or people who feel pushed around even part of the time moderns are rather proud of being free but freedom in marriage is mostly freedom to give a wonderful freedom for those who have learned how to use it and enjoy it it's not something new this pleasure in giving it's the stuff that families are made of it's what marriage is all about it's the real difference between an adult and a child a child must get in order to live and enjoy life an adult has enough for himself and so he can afford to give the child is weak and helpless and has to receive love and food and shelter in order to feel strong and secure a grown-up's strength and security is increased by the knowledge that he can give these things to someone else without a sense of sacrifice or loss a husband and wife who have learned to give freely to each other and to their family have learned the secret of a happy marriage that kind of love is not new but not every man and woman knows where to look for it and the only place that exists than themselves young people grow stronger and more adult not by looking for their happiness in the bewildering world around them or by running away from their problems to a dream world of romance if they are old enough to marry they should be adult enough to face the responsibility of making that marriage work each one equally that's what Chad and Phyllis Frank and Kathy and so many young couples all over the world are doing and what they'll be doing tomorrow how else can grown-ups find the sense of satisfaction the dignity the grace the inner happiness of a full life marriage is still a goal for moderns