JoAnne Astrow on Tonight Show Johnny Carson 1980s KCST San Diego

Thank you. I cannot tell you how thrilled I am to be here tonight. Such wonderful stars, such wonderful people, and thank you for that lovely introduction. So, does anyone recognize me from Dynasty? >> No. >> Oh, well, maybe this will help you remember. Right this way, Mrs. Carrington. It was a job. I also am celebrating. This is such a a wonderful celebrating month. This Saturday night, I will be celebrating 20 years of marriage. Is that something? No. Thank you. No. Oh, and I did it the hard way. Four men. Oh, this marriage is a very complicated thing, isn't it? Anyone here married? Oh, good. Good. Rest of you are gay. Well, don't feel bad because in this country today, 20 years of marriage is amazing. In Los Angeles, it's a miracle. In San Francisco, it's a felony. I don't know. Even when we get married, we can't seem to make it last. I actually I was married twice. Uh I had to divorce my first husband. I had to uh right after he left, I said get out, you know, get leave of me. But I am not a bitter woman. That is very important. I feel that my first marriage was an appetizer marriage, a little guacamole marriage. I married a dip. Well, it wasn't all his fault, but he did have a terrible temper, and he couldn't help it because, well, it was in his blood, actually. He was half Israeli and half Doberman Pincher. He was an attack Jew is what he was. Rabbi Rambo. Yeah. Don't you think sometimes that uh it would be better if the marriage ended with the wedding? Great party. See you. My second marriage is working out very well because I have learned. I have grown. Now, whenever we have a fight before we go to bed at night, I always say three little words. I love you. If that doesn't work, I say two little words. >> Community property. And then I say the words the New Yorkers were thinking of. So um women though women I think will always want to get married. What do you think? >> Yeah. Yeah. Oh no. No. Like to hear your story. Um, it's just that well, no matter how liberated we become, I we may not be so sure about marriage anymore, but we still want that wedding. We can't help that wedding. We were raised on that wedding. We were promised that wedding wedding. And the groom is lucky if he was invited because we want to walk down that aisle, you know, all in white showing our relatives we knew what color a virgin would wear. flanked by our mom and dad. Dad weeping openly. And why not? The man is in horrible debt. Mom smiling serenely. And why not? She's been heavily sedated. But most of all, we want to share this moment with our girlfriends. Our girlfriends who coached us every step of the way. We want to thank them. We want to thank them by having them walk down the aisle before us in those ugly bridesmaid dresses that we made them pay for. I liked it so much I did it twice. I did. But I was honest. First time I got married, I walked down the aisle all in gray, symbolizing that I had had sex once but didn't enjoy it. Second time, even bigger wedding. When my dad handed me over to the groom, he whispered to him, "This sale is final. Don't bring her back." You know, that's why I feel that it is so important for a woman to have girlfriends. A girlfriend will help you through things that marriage just brings. Like when your husband, you know, has uh well, he's come home late and then you find out he's hired a secretary named Vixen, right? There are calls to be made. There are plans to be discussed. And am I not right, ladies? Am I not right? Who else would listen to us complain for hours and hours and hours and say nothing but no? He did what? With who? And then we always give each other that great romantic advice. Kill him. A good girlfriend will help you with a lot of problems. Like a good girlfriend will tell you where your G-spot is. Is there any woman in this audience who has found her G-spot? Cuz I don't believe it exists. I think they made it up just to make us crazier. One more thing to feel inadequate about. I looked I looked