Jeff Altman on Evening At The Improv 1980s

Hello, my name is Raymond Burr, the world's largest living mammal. You know, when I began my career playing the role of Perry Mason, I was fast becoming this country's favorite legal rib roast. As [laughter] my weight began to increase, I gradually needed the aid of a wheelchair to cart my from town to town. I'm now proud to say that I weigh more than most one-bedroom homes. [laughter] We have any boxing fans here tonight? Who's anybody? [applause] Boxing fan. Boy, I watched that Spinx Holmes fight not too long ago. It's Well, it's a ways ago now, but uh boy, Larry Holmes is tough. I kind of miss Ali. It's just not the same, you know? It's you of all time. Howard of all. Some said the greatest of all time was Joe Fraser. I beat Fraser two out of three. Some said Joe F was good. I prove the greatest of all time. out. I'm really ready. I'm coming back for the third time of all time. Co- sale of all time. Of all time. Slow down, Mohamd. You're absolutely delicious. That's all gone now. You know, it's just it doesn't seem right. You know, the king is And now we got Larry Holmes and this guy is not putting himself through Yale dental school. You know, he's I'm just wondering what is the guy like who's going to come along and beat Larry Holmes? My name is Leonard Moon and I don't have the brains of a ice cube. [laughter] How do I spell leaf? I don't know. [applause] Many of you have recognized me from my film career. I played the meat in Rocky. I'm ready for Larry Holmes or even his brother, Mobile Home. [laughter] I'm tired of being called by my slave name, Leonard Moon. From now on, I'll be referred to by my real name, Sid Zookerman. One time in 1969, I had the advantage of being able to spar with Muhammad Ali. He had hit me in my head accidentally [laughter] over 1522 times. [laughter] [applause] I had a foggy mountain breakdown. I saw stars, moons, birds, monkeys, and old Popeye cartoons. [laughter] I dreamed that I sang with the silvers. But they said, "Uh-uh, cuz I thought Boogie Fever was a nose infection." I did that for I did that joke for this man. You're my main mess, man. One men is not enough. I need two men or no men's at all. Blink. Edit this portion. Damn. Family peoples have said to me, "Lon, [laughter] Leonard." Some say it three times. Leonard, we can put a computer on your brain and measure you. And I have found you to have the exact intelligence quotient of pi. Alamo. [laughter] And now for the three things that have amazed Leonard Moon. One, the hardening of Jello. [laughter] Two, what size sneakers does Perry Como wear? and truth. Why is there always room for jello? [laughter] My main manager, my doctor friend. He's my boy. Come on, say hi to Tiger Roy Williams. Thank you, Tiger. That's Tiger. That's all he says. Tiger have told me he says Leonard [laughter] Leonard Leonard. [laughter] If you find Larry Holmes and he knocks you off your fetus [laughter] and you see the Twilight Zone and your eyes do a dance like the OJ's. They smile on your face all the time. They want to take your place. Bonnie Honey to the sounds of the 99 strange black reference. >> [laughter] >> I've heard that noise before. He said, "Let you fall down, stay down until 8. Stay down until 8." Now, I looked up at the clock. It only said 7:30. Thank you very much. [applause] >> [applause]