In the Life: Ep. 2006, "Our Bodies, Our Rights"

[Announcer, over music] "In the Life," is funded in part by, [Announcer] The H. van Ameringen Foundation. [Announcer] Patricia Kind in honor of her brother, Henry van Ameringen. [Announcer] Arcus Foundation. [Announcer] The Estate of Richard W. Weiland. [Announcer] The Ted Snowdon Foundation. [Announcer] Evelyn and Walter Haas, Jr. Foundation. [Announcer] The Ambrose Monell Foundation. [Announcer] And these funders. [Announcer] And by the annual support of, "In the Life," members like you. [Narrator Triple Edwards] Children are coming out earlier and earlier. [Edwards] But the institution's meant to serve our young people, aren't always ready or trained to accept kids for who they are, [Edwards] or who they might become. [Jody Marksamer, Esq.] LGBT youth are being targeted for expulsion, suspension, police arrests and detention. [Edwards] Tonight, on, "In the Life," [Edwards] The challenges for LGBT youth entering the juvenile justice system. [Edwards] How are kids, advocates and judges fixing a broken system. [Judge Donna Groman] Every child needs love. Every child needs to feel wanted. [Edwards] And we find out how policing gender, [Edwards] affects the lives of LGBT youth, [Edwards] struggling to define themselves. [Tyler Littlejohn] So, when I started going to school wearing makeup and stuff like that, like, what will people think, what would they say? [Theme music] [Music] [Lilly] I was first put in a detention facility, when I was, thirteen. [Kyeon] I was on probation at the time already, 'cause my mom put me on it. And so the officer, school officer came, put me in handcuffs and I was like, "Oh, crap." [George] The first time I was arrested was when I was fifteen. [Siren] [Lori A. Harris, Esq.] Generally, young people who end up in the delinquency system. [Harris] They are there because they've been exposed to multiple traumas. [Marksamer] LGBT could be facing rejection at home from their families. Maybe being harassed at school, because of their identity. Or maybe they were picked up and profiled by the police because of who they are. [Groman] If we know about the reasons that youth are doing things we could help. [Groman] But, for the most part I think these youth are very invisible. [Groman] And are not talking about what happens. [Music] [Kyeon] Well, my grandmother raised me from the time I left the hospital, until she passed away when I was eleven, about to make twelve. Moved to Atlanta with my mother. [Kyeon, voiceover] I stayed in trouble in school for not doing my work and not paying attention.  Talking back to the teachers. I had a fight with this guy in class, for going around, and you know, telling people I was gay or what have you. I beat him up and, [Kyeon] we both went to jail but when they put the handcuffs on me it was horrible. Once I got in the cell, I just didn't know what to do. I cried. I prayed. I beat on the walls. I wrote on the walls. [Kyeon, voiceover] What could I have done better, to avoid that. But in all actuality I didn't want to avoid it. I felt like I needed, you know, to prove myself. [Music, ambient street noise] [Wesley Ware] I coordinate a project for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender youth who are in the juvenile justice system. [Ware] The recent study found that around fifteen percent of young people in detention were LGBT. [Ware] We have a number of youth who come in, on charges that stem from school. [Ware] LGBT youth are more likely to, of course, experience harassment.   As a result either be truant or not go to school. [Ware] Or they may fight back. [Ware] Kyeon had difficulty while he was in the detention center with the staff and other young people that were detained with him. [Ware] When he was released he went right back to the same alternative school that he had been attending before he had been arrested. [Ware] And he ended up just having an additional difficulty. [Ware] Which kind of explains a sort of cycle that sometimes will happen with young people going through the system, and then right back into the same conditions that sent them there to begin with. [Music] [Marksamer] A recent study from the Journal of Pediatrics which is very groundbreaking, [Marksamer] found that LGBT youth are being targeted for expulsion, suspension, um, and other types of school sanctions as well as, [Marksamer] police arrests and detention at higher rates than young people who are not LGB. [Harris] They're far more young people who are out, in public, and less closeted about their status. And because of that, I found that there's all kinds of institutional push against that. [Harris] It becomes a challenge for the adults and the authority figures that have to deal with these young people. [Marty Beyer, Ph.D.] There are a number of things that cause LGBT youth to be disproportionately represented in juvenile facilities. [Beyer] They are much more often charged with incidents in school. [Beyer] They are much more frequently arrested, [Beyer] for sexual behavior that heterosexual youth are not arrested for. [Beyer] Or because they are living on the street, [Beyer] and they have to resort to crime. [Music] [George] First time that I found out about Santa Monica Boulevard, I actually came down this street. So that way, I knew that, that I could  make money that way. [George, voiceover] I didn't know what else to do. [Music, footsteps] [George] My biological dad was on drugs and he gave me up when I was, like, five. And then I stayed with my aunt and uncle and they were super, abusive, and, I just I decided, um, my freshman year in high school that I didn't want to live there anymore. So, I ran away. [Beyer] Family rejection for a teenager, it's a very significant trauma. [Beyer] And then to have to leave home, [Beyer] because of that, is even more traumatic. [Ware] Generally folks say around forty percent of homeless youth are LGBT. [Ware] So, knowing that LGBT youth are more likely to be rejected from their family more likely to be on the streets and homeless. [Ware] They're gonna be more likely to turn to survival crimes. [George] I didn't have anywhere else to go, so I came out here. [George, voiceover] It was a tough decision but, it was it was the only solution I had to my problem. The first time I did it was on this street. [George] Somebody kept cruising by. [George] That was very scary. [George] For a 15 year old. So. And it was a really old man. To go to his house, which I had no idea where it was at. And, was the first I did it. I cried the whole time, doing that. [Groman] The loneliness and the lack of self-esteem that stems from the poor relationships that they may have, with their parents, just leads to more out of home placements for these youth. [Groman] And because of their being out of their family home it kind of sets them up for problems later in life. [Siren] [George] I got arrested, [George] for being a runaway. [George] They put me in the tank for a couple days. 'Cause I wouldn't tell them my name. Because I didn't want them to know who I was. So, I don't want them to send me back home. When it was time to see the judge, ah, my aunt had the option to take me back. And she said, "No, yeah, I don't want him." Which I was very grateful for, 'cause I, there was no way I wanted to be back with her. [Beyer] LGBT youth are more often, detained, [Beyer] by the court if a parent doesn't show up to take them home. [Beyer] And, so they might have, [Beyer] um, a, ah, a misdemeanor like shoplifting charge for which, youth would not normally be detained. [Beyer] But, if their parent doesn't pick them up at the courthouse, then they will be held. [Groman] The mere fact that LGBTQ youth, do not have a comfortable place to go home to, really changes the whole dynamics of their stay in and out of home placement. Because it's not just a temporary placement for them, oftentimes it's just the beginning of, ah, their independence, or their attempt at independence. [Lilly] The first time I got into the juvenile justice system, I was twelve years old. And around that time, I had just, um, began to understand and learn who  I was as far as my identity and my gender and sexuality was concerned. [Lilly] And it brought a lot of problems in my home life. [Lilly] Especially with my father, because he was very abusive. And he was not at all supportive of, you know, the fact that I no longer, [Lilly] you know was his son that I was his daughter. [Lilly] At home, I didn't feel like I was, I was loved. [Lilly] At a very young age I had problems in school, [Lilly] like being picked on and being bullied. And, it got so bad to the point where I didn't want to go back to school. [Lilly] When, 'cause they found out that I no longer, [Lilly] was going to school. They took custody of me from my parents. [Harris] Anytime you talk about taking a kid out of their home. You necessarily, have to admit that you're gonna do some harm to them. Well, well, maybe you have to do a balancing act. And say, okay, well based on the harm that they're already being exposed to and the potential for a greater harm, I think it's important that, the court may see, we have to remove the kid from home. [Harris] But you have to recognize, that you're gonna do harm to them. [Music] [Ware] Lilly was referred into Family Court when she was young. She was placed in a group home. [Ware] And the group home was not at all equipped to work with LGBT young people. [Ware] Some of the staff, they did not intervene in fights that would happen. [Lilly] There was a individual in the group home that I was at. That used to particularly bully me more than everybody else. And so, this person used to like physically attack me. [Lilly] I like had to fight them back. [Lilly] I was charged with simple battery. They put me into the juvenile justice system, and, I became a ward of the state. [Ware, over prison door slamming shut] Once Lilly was in the youth prison she had a really difficult time. [Ware] She was in an all-boys facility. [Ware] She was experiencing the same things that all youth experience when they're removed from home and placed in a youth prison. Only magnified because she identified as transgender. [Marksamer] In a detention facility there's a lot of safety concerns for young people who are LGBT. [Marksamer] In particular, for transgender youth, um. [Marksamer] If a transgender girl is placed in a boys detention facility, [Marksamer] she's really a very high risk for physical and sexual abuse in the facility. But at the hands of her  peers and also at the hands of facility staff. [Marksamer] We recently heard of a problem where a transgender girl who was housed in a all-boys detention facility, she was forced to shower with the boys. [Marksamer] And when she did, she got a ticket. A discipline ticket for flashing her breasts, in the shower. [Marksamer] It's unfortunately not uncommon for staff to actually encourage abuse of a youth who's out. [Music] [Lois Perrin, Esq.] The case that the ACLU of Hawaii brought, was the first case of its kind ever in the country to challenge the conditions of confinement, for children who are or who are perceived to be, lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender. [Perrin] We brought the case on behalf of three individual kids. [Perrin] There was R. G., who is  a woman who identifies as a lesbian. [Perrin] There is C. P., who is a male to female transgender girl. [Perrin] And there was J. D., who was a boy that was perceived by staff and other wards to be gay. [Perrin] These kids were subjected to unchecked harassment. [Perrin] Relentless abuse and discrimination, not only by the other wards, but by the staff themselves. [Natalie Naugle, Esq.] They would talk to these young kids about their religious views. [Naugle] And telling these kids that being gay was wrong and a sin and it was against God, and that they were going to hell. And this is you know talking to kids who are religious themselves. [Perrin] We got a very frantic call from a public defender, [Perrin] that one of her kids, her clients had been subjected to very serious physical assaults. This was a kid who had other wards pantomiming anal rape. He had semen rubbed in his face. [Perrin] And then when he wrote a complaint, [Perrin] the response was that they were going to put him in isolation. [Perrin] And they kept him isolated for six days. [Perrin] And never once did they address with any of the wards or the staff, who had seen this happening, that this was inappropriate behavior. [Naugle] There was one particular officer who, [Naugle] when he was testifying, [Naugle] he was talking about one of the girls R. G., and he had been asked if she had been discriminated against or harassed as far as he had seen. And his answer with a completely straight face and I think really genuinely was, "No, no. I mean, we have to get on her for that butchy action that goes on. "But, no, no. She hasn't been discriminated against or harassed." And I think that was also the, I think it was like the 'aha' moment for every body in the courtroom. Including the judge. [Perrin] Ultimately, what Judge Seabright ruled, was that the state of Hawaii had failed its constitutional duty, by failing to have any policies or procedures whatsoever that were addressed towards, [Perrin] eliminating discrimination abuse and harassment. [Perrin] The state of Hawaii was the first state to have a policy specifically directed towards the treatment of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender kids. [Perrin] And we were fortunate because we have been able to serve as a role model, for other states who started to look at their own Juvenile Justice populations. And to ask whether this sort of rampant abuse was happening in their states. [Music] [Groman] Every child needs love. [Groman] Every child needs nurturance. Every child needs to feel wanted. [Groman] And, when an LGBTQ youth doesn't feel that. Um, ends up dropping out of school. Feeling suicidal. Um, getting arrested and then finding themselves in the criminal justice system. Ah, it, it's just a consequence of not being treated like a human being. [Marksamer] This is not about special treatment or special rights. It's about equal treatment. It's about ensuring that LGBT young people are safe. [Ware] We have been working with a number of facilities. Some of the short-term detention centers, may actually be passing an LGBT policy in the future. We're hopeful for that. [Harris] When there is some kind of failure happening in the community. When their parents are not doing the job. When the school system is not doing the job. It is our obligation to care for these children. [George] I wanted someone to love me. So to speak, and, and I wasn't gonna get that from them. [Keyon] I am who I am. Regardless of orientation, race or anything else. As a person and a human being,  I have the right, to date who I want. I have the right to do anything with my mind, my body and my sexual orientation. [Lilly] It's, it's an issue that people need to be trained about. People need to understand that, you know, we're people too. [Music] [Music] [Tyler Littlejohn] I came out to my mom when I was eleven or ten. [Tyler] She asked me how did I know. I told her how do you know you're straight? She was like, 'cause I love men. I was like, well I feel the same way. [Sharon Weir] When I found out, I was hurt. I didn't know how to accept it. [Weir] It's okay for anybody else. [Weir] But my son is my son. [Tyler] She just didn't want to believe it. Alright, so she just brushed everything off. And so when I started going to school wearing makeup and stuff like that. My clothes is getting tighter. [Weir] It would be easier for me, you know, if he lives up, to, my standards. And, and, you know, just follows simple rules. You know. And, you know, we can get over this hurdle. [Music] [Eliza Byard] There are so many ways that we, express in small and big and official and unofficial ways how we expect people to act. [Carson Kressley] Women have babies. Guys go off to war. We have very, distinct gender roles. You wear this. You wear that. [Mx. Justin Vivian Bond] It's all a construct. You know, the, the idea that, [Bond] people are supposed to behave in certain ways because of their gender. That's made up. [Kate Bornstein] I've heard the term gender policing. Um, basically it's when a person or a group of people decide that, someone else's gender needs to come more in line with what the police are thinking. [Bornstein] It's been going on forever. Ever since there's been gender. [Byard] It used to be that so many gendered expectations were expressed in law. There were legal restrictions, on what women could do. What  women could wear. Ah, and a lot of unofficial, ideas about what was ladylike and what wasn't. We've passed the point where many of these things are a matter of law. But they live on in our culture in ways they can be very destructive. [Tyler] My friends and I, we went to this beauty supply store and I was just trying on wigs. "Oh my gosh girl, you look like a diva." So, um, we bought the wig. [Tyler] I went out like that at nighttime, when my mother, was, at work. [Tyler] So I know she wasn't gonna let me go like that. [Weir] Maybe it was stereotypes that I myself had. I don't know. But, um, I was afraid for him. Afraid for him on many levels. [Bond] A lot of times parents, they worry that the child's gonna get hurt. That they're going to be made fun of. [Bond] And so they try to intervene, [Bond] behaviorally and change the child or help them to see ways of fitting in, [Bond] out of love. [Weir] I didn't want to get a phone call, "Well, "your son, you know, was beat up. He's dead." You know. [Weir] The way he wears his hair. The way he carries himself. [Weir] It definitely draws attention on him. [Tyler] One friday I was considering wearing this shirt. These jeans. and maybe these boots. When I started going to school wearing makeup and stuff like that. Of course, that's was going through my head. Like what will people think? What would they say? How would they act? [Byard] There are many moments, [Byard] in any given day where an individual might be reminded that they're doing something wrong. In terms of their gender. [Kressley] I mean, I think people do it subconsciously. I think you'll, you know, if a woman is wearing a hyper masculine outfit or a man is wearing a hyper feminine outfit. I think you'll get looks. [Byard] It might be when you try to walk into a public restroom. It might be waiting for a bus or on a subway platform when someone chooses to say something to you. It might be, for a student, it might be in the lunch room. Or in the hallway. [Byard] Or from a person sitting at the desk next to you. [Tyler] Of course, it was, those boys, the older boys like, you're an effin faggot. And stuff like that. I tried to brush it off but I couldn't because they were like so aggressive and they always wanted to fight. [Tyler] One time a student came in the classroom. He looked at me with a nasty look on his face. He just kept going on, saying that I need more [?] on my face. And he was going to put it there. [Tyler] One time we went to art and he said that he was going to slash my throat and, knock my brains out, something  like that, he said to me. And I told the teacher. The teacher said I'm gonna write a statement. The next week, he told everybody that he was going to F me up. We went out to lunch. He came up to me. The whole school formed a circle around us. People were pushing him into me. And so, a student like really pushed him. And I guess he felt scared, because I look like I was gonna hit him. So as soon as he punched me in the chest, I defended myself. I punched him three times in the face. Um, I knocked him unconscious. [Weir] So when the principal called me, [Weir] to tell me that I had to pick up my son at the 71st precinct, [Weir] because he had been arrested. [Weir] It came as a shock to me. I didn't know that he was being bullied. I didn't know that he was being threatened. [Tyler] They basically tell my mother I cannot come back to school for like, about a month. Um, I was suspended. [Weir] I was very angry. [Weir] Because of how my son was treated. He was treated as the criminal. [Weir] My son is who he is. He presents himself a certain way. And just because it's not, what they feel. Or how he should behave. You know, it becomes an issue. Every little thing that's done, is my son's fault. [Weir] He just had the presence of mind and the guts to finally stand up for himself. [Byard] The greatest pressure, on some schools to police gender with their own policies, is social prejudice. [Byard] The key is to make sure that adults in a school are responding out of compassion and care. Rather than responding out of a desire to police the behavior themselves. [Tyler] After my time was over I went back to the school. [Tyler] Everything was, like, different. [Tyler] The teachers wouldn't sit down and help me. [Tyler] I wasn't able to go outside with other kids. [Tyler] There was nothing at that school for me anymore. [Byard] In some communities, a boy coming to school in a dress will cause a tremendous sensation. [Byard] Now a school has a choice. Are they going to prohibit that. [Byard] Because it's going to be disruptive, we don't want to deal with it. [Byard] We're just going to prohibit it all  together. Or are they going to work on getting to a place, where every student can be who they  are and learning proceeds undisrupted. [Tyler] I kind of looked at life differently. Um. I know that there was one person as well that really cared about me which was my mom, and, you know, nothing can really change that. [Bornstein] We let so many of cultures rules shape us. [Bornstein] When kids are trying to negotiate not only their sexuality, race, their socio-economic class. Ah, and now, they're supposed to negotiate their gender. Which  is supposed to be given, easy peasy. You're a man or a woman. You're a boy or a girl. Now it's not that way anymore. [Kressley] If you're like, you know, not dressing on gender or not acting like your gender. That doesn't necessarily mean that you're gay. Or lesbian or questioning even. It might just mean that that's how you want to express yourself. And that's, that's important for people to know. And it's fantastic. It's not, you know, it's all about being who you are. It's okay to be different. That's really the moral of the story. [Weir] I know I've had it hard with my son. Um. But, there's just one thing that I know. And, ah, it's just that I love him. [Music] [Kisses, laughter] [Edwards] Thank you for watching, "In The Life." [Edwards] To learn more about the issues in tonight's program, [Edwards] or to tell us your thoughts about the show. Text I T L, two, six, nine, eight, six, six on your mobile phone. Or visit, I T L media dot org. [Kressley] I try to gender police as much as possible when I'm out in the clubs. "You! Put some pants on!" And that's only to the lesbians. I do think there is gender policing in the gay community. Going to the clubs and everyone was like buffed and like roided out and like abs for days. And that was the only way to be, to be attractive and sexy. That was certainly never in my case. And sometimes even in the gay  community, it's like, I would get flak, like, you're too flamboyant. I'm like, "Hello, I'm an out gay man!  If I want to be flamboyant, I will. Thank you." [Announcer, over music] "In The Life," is funded in part by, [Announcer] the H. van Ameringen Foundation. [Announcer] Patricia Kind. In honor of her brother, Henry van Ameringen. [Announcer] Arcus Foundation. [Announcer] The Estate of Richard W. Weiland. [Announcer] The Ted Snowdon Foundation. [Announcer] Evelyn and Walter Haas Jr. Foundation. [Announcer] The Ambrose Monell Foundation. [Announcer] And these funders. [Announcer] And by the annual support of, "In The Life," members like you. [Theme music] [Theme music]