In the Life: Ep. 1906, "The Right to Live"

[Announcer] "In the Life" is funded in part by: the H. van Ameringen Foundation; Arcus Foundation; the Estate of Richard W. Weiland; the Ambrose Monell Foundation; Gill Foundation; and these funders; and by the annual support of In the Life members like you. [quiet music] [Host] Studies show that youth who are bullied are five times more likely to be depressed and to report suicidal thoughts. Approximately every two hours in the United States, someone under the age of 25 commits suicide. In 2006 alone, 219 children under  the age of 15 took their own lives. Tonight on "In the Life: documenting the people and the issues shaping the gay experience": Bullycides. A term recently coined to address a national health crisis of young people taking their own lives as a result of bullying. And later we premiere In the States, a feature that focuses on the struggle for LGBT civil rights at the state level. Our first installment takes us to Ohio where a bill guaranteeing the right to live and work free from discrimination was passed by the state house and is up for consideration in the state senate. [Dan Stewart] We should stop discriminating. We should support this bill. ["In the Life" theme music] [Woman] Here comes Eric. He's up by the ski lift in the  red. He's coming down. He's doing his pizza shape. And... there he is! [Eric] S'up! [Woman] The day he killed himself, the main bully went up to him and said, "Why don't you go home and shoot yourself? It's not like anyone would care." And so he did. [strobing music] [Sirdeaner Walker] I was cooking dinner when my son Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover went to his room, where I imagined he'd be doing his homework  or playing his video games. Instead, I found him hanging by an extension cord  tied around his neck. He was 11 years old. [strobing music] [Dontae Taylor] There were problems in high school as far as me being gay. I was picked on. When I did try to act like I was in the closet, I was counted out, like singled out on everything, you know, "that gay boy this," and all this other kind of stuff.   So I did drop out of school and I was like 16. [Robert Salem] Generally bullying means that something, some kind of the harassment has to be ongoing, it has to be repeated, it has to be severe, sufficiently severe,  so that it has a negative impact on the target. Go to homecoming with you? I don't think so. Get away from me, you homo. Bullying is different than conflict. Conflict is something that happens between peers on an equal level. Bullying is an effort by one individual to exert power over another. [Taylor] They called me "fag". There was this R. Kelly song that was out, "Trapped in the Closet". And that was a song that they would sing when I walked into the classroom. [R.Kelly] I'm in the closet, like man, what the - is going on? [Taylor] I have tried committing suicide, one time. And I just realized I just felt like I just didn't fit in anywhere and there was nowhere to go. Couldn't tell my family. I couldn't talk to anyone because no one know but, but me. Kids who are perceived to be LGBT, even if they don't identify as LGBT, those are the kids that are disproportionately impacted by bullying and ironically they're the kids that are most neglected. Anti-gay bullying is extremely common and more common than we'd like to admit. The term, "That's so gay." The term, "You're a fag," "You're a dyke," whatever. Those kinds of slurs are commonly used in schools around the country. And what I found in training individuals, training adults, is that the, the bullying so often is based on sex stereotypes. [Eliza Byard] In 2005 we did a study called "From Teasing to Torment", and what we found is that students across the country identify as the top three reasons that students are bullied: their physical appearance, their actual or perceived sexual orientation,  and whether they are traditionally masculine or feminine enough. We have so many students that don't realize that their behavior is bullying behavior. They have grown up in families and been bullied. And so that's what they do. That's how they behave. And so the challenge, I think for schools, is to really get children to realize that their behavior is hurtful. Everything flows from the top. If you have an administration that does not believe that verbal taunting is bullying, then nothing will change. Nothing will change. [Janis Mohat] He was a very, very big baby. Almost nine pounds and 23 inches tall. Didn't have a baby, had a toddler. He was a very gentle soul. He was raised to believe that there was never a reason to raise your hand to another human being. [William Mohat] That they didn't call him "Twiggy" for nothing. [Janis Mohat] Right. [William Mohat] That was his nickname in the, in the school. [Janis Mohat] Yeah and when he came home with that nickname, most of us know where Twiggy originated from. She was a very thin model. [Janis Mohat] And I said, "Are you sure?" "Oh yeah Mom. Yeah, I'm well aware but it's because I look like a twig." [repetitive guitar strumming] [Janis Mohat] These are some of the pictures from Eric. This was in California - Hollywood. That was his last trip. This was... [William Mohat] ...mentioning someone needs a hug. People would go to him for Twiggy hugs to cheer them up. This slogan up here, "Real men wear pink." His favorite t-shirt was a pink t-shirt that had the slogan, "What are you laughing at? This is your girlfriend's pink shirt." Another one that he really liked was, "Tough enough to wear pink." But he said nothing about the bullying except six days before the suicide itself. And it was on a Friday. And Jan and I were... [Janis Mohat] He came, he came home from work, and he was over the moon. "Well, what's going on?" "Well the math teacher finally caught the bullies."  "Well, wait a minute. What do you mean bullies?" "Well the bully - I've been picked on all year." "But the math teacher finally put these guys in their place. It was great, Mom, he really reamed them out." I said to him, "I need to get involved. I need to go to the teacher." "No, it's handled." We were... [William Mohat] I talked to him the next Tuesday briefly and he just said, "Well, they're being snarky again," or some comment like that. But, you know, he kind of brushed it off is not really all that significant. It wasn't until the actual, the memorial service that we had kids from his classroom come up to us and start telling us, you know, the kind of bullying that he was going through. [Janis Mohat] His ear was flicked. Paper wads were thrown at him. Stuff was shoved into his hoodie. He was shoved into lockers. [William Mohat] Poked in the back with pencils. Constant verbal abuse. He was threatened with assault daily. [Janis Mohat] Called fagget, homo, queer, gay. [William Mohat] Well he was ordered to shoot himself by these two bullies [Janis Mohat] And he did. [William Mohat] in that class for at least two months from what the students were telling us. I mean that's how vicious the bullying was. [Janis Mohat] And so he did. [Janis Mohat] There he is! [Eric] S'up! [Janis Mohat] Awesome. How was it? [Janis Mohat] Never an apology. Never a consequence for the bullies. [William Mohat] Yeah, but the school knows but they, they never gave these students to the day they graduated so much as a detention. The teacher was never spoken to, put on a plan of assistance or anything. It was all swept under the rug. [Janis Mohat] If it's the last thing I do, I want a federal law in place identifying verbal bullying as the crime that it is. I want something in place so, so that it will lessen the likelihood of somebody else living my life. [quiet music] I am myself a mother. And as any parent will tell you, one of the toughest things you ever have to do is leave your child at the schoolhouse door. When you think about it, every child in this country spends most of their life, most of their waking time in a school. And in that context, we as parents, we as communities, and we as a nation, entrust schools with the care, development, and character of the young people who are there every single day. So we owe it to ourselves and to each other to make sure that they're doing their job well. [Tammy Baldwin] A wide number of states have very general anti-bullying statutes. I think it's close to 30 states who have enacted such legislation. But only a handful of them have specifically delineated helping protect children who are being harassed or bullied on the basis of their sexual orientation or gender identity. [Byard] More than 50 national groups involved with education, civil rights, and human rights are championing the Safe Schools Improvement Act, an act that would amend No Child Left Behind to require that all schools that receive federal funding have  an enumerated anti-bullying policy in place at the school level. [Byard] What we found is you have to name the problem in order to get people to take action. You need a laundry list in there that says: race, religion, national origin, sexual orientation, gender identity. If you don't say it out loud, people will ignore it. It is a heartbreaking story for any parent, a young boy bullied so severely that he took his own life. [Newscaster] Tonight the boy's mother is hoping her story helps other families. [Sirdeaner Walker] Carl really just enjoyed life. He was very fun-loving. He was a practical joker. He loved church. He loved the Lord. He loved to play sports. And he was really carefree. He wanted to be the first African American president. He was so excited when the president was elected. And when he had problems in school and he wasn't feeling very good about himself, you know, because his father wasn't really active participant in his life. I would tell Carl, I said, "Look at President Obama. He, he had a single mom too - single parent. And now he's the President of the United States. "Carl, you can do anything that you want, if you put your mind to it." [piano music] [Walker] Well he was very reluctant to, you know, talk to me about what was going on in school, but I knew that something, you know, wasn't quite right by the way he was acting. And he had said, you know, after much hesitation, he told me that the kids were calling him gay. He had an incident with a female student and it was that he had, she had called him gay, "You act like a girl," and there was a fight. And they were both told that they would have to eat lunch together for the rest of the week or they would face a five-day suspension. And he was very very concerned. There was after hours so I couldn't contact  anybody to find out. No one had called me. And you know, I'm trying to make supper and get everybody else to do their homework and, you know, it just wasn't a really good scene. Carl was very quiet and then he went upstairs to his room. [quiet music] And, you know, life hasn't been the same since. He always, always would give me hugs. And he always, always wanted me to do something for myself. One time he said - there was this sleigh bed that I've always wanted. I couldn't afford it. And he said, "You can use some money out of my bank account to buy the bed." And I wouldn't do it. But that's the kind of kid he was. And I miss him so much. And I will for the rest of my life. But I know that we have a lot of work to do. [Walker] I know that bullying is not a gay issue or a straight issue. It's a safety issue. It's about what kind of learning environment we want our children to have, and how far we're willing to go to protect and teach them. [Walker] I could, you know, stay in my house and cry every day, but I really wanted everyone to know who Carl was. And I wanted people to know my son was not alive because of what happened to him in his environment in school. I could not protect him from the hours of eight to three. I hope that more and more people hear  these stories and determine that this should be the last child that is ever in this horrible situation. It's up to adults to protect children and we must take action to do so. I think if more families and people realize that they should not pass judgment on folks, on their lifestyle, but that they should make sure all of our children are safe and that their children could be subjected to bullying, then I think the Safe Schools Improvement Act would pass. Some people believe that this is simply a rite of passage, and that's wrong. It's a national health crisis and our children are being affected each and every day. [easy music] [Jimmie Beall] Our state is pretty difficult sometimes. I think the hardest part is navigating life just in general. [Ohioan] I think it's important that people know that I'm gay and that I have children and that I have a life and a job that needs to be protected. [Ohioan] This is where I am, and this is how I feel, and this is the way I like to be. [Ohioan] I have a five-year-old son. He's very proud of me. Make sure every - no matter where we go that everybody knows that I'm his dad. [Host] Ohio is home to 11 million people. Like other Americans, Ohioans are struggling to work, live, and find the American dream. [easy music] [George W. Bush] And our nation must defend the sanctity of marriage. [Newscaster] I'm in Ward 62. It's a battleground within the battleground of Ohio. [Newscaster] Ohio legislators not only banned same-sex marriages, but barred unmarried state employees from receiving benefits for domestic partners. [Newscaster] The state of Ohio woke up and said, "Nuh-uh, not here." [Host] In 2004, Ohio voters passed a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage. [Sue Doerfer] Five years ago Ohio was listed 51st out of the states including DC in the mix, the worst state for LGBT rights. [Doerfer] Transgender people don't have the right to change their birth certificate. There's been battles over domestic partner registries. There was a piece of legislation introduced five years ago to ban adoption. We're starting at the very basic kind of stuff you know the discussion around gay marriage is sort of like, "We'll talk about that once we have the right to work and once we have the right to live." [Dan Stewart] I've asked people that are common sense sort of normal folks, "Do you think it's right to fire somebody solely on the basis of being gay or lesbian or transgendered?" And most, you know, decent people say, "Of course not." But they have no idea that in Ohio it's actually legal and you can get away with firing somebody solely on that basis. [Lynne Bowman] Equality Ohio, we refer to it as the phoenix rising out of the ashes of our marriage vote in 2004. [Bowman]There was a group of activists from across the state that came together and said, "What are we doing in Ohio? What, what should we be doing in Ohio?" [Doerfer] It's a brand new organization really, trying to organize an entire state and build relationships with legislators to, to begin that education about why is this important, how does this affect people, how does this make Ohio look to the rest of the country and the rest of the world. [Toby Newlen] I was a corporate trainer for nine years and then I managed some large portrait studios. I thought it would be easier to get a job. I have lots of experience in totally different fields. I have management, you know, behind me and things of that sort. And as soon as I started transitioning, I couldn't - I can't find anything. [Jacob Nash] Ohio is only one of the three states that will not correct a birth certificate for transgendered individuals, which makes it very difficult for people when it comes to employment because they're supposed to show all this identification, and if their identification - say their driver's license says male, and their birth certificate says female, there's incongruency. [Newlen] My last job I lost because of some complications with restroom usage. Now normally in public I'll just go into the men's restroom and have no problem. But unfortunately when you get hired, at least in my state, you have to supply a birth certificate, which is not amended, so it does state female. So then they start delegating where you  can and can not go to the bathroom. You know, I was - they, they had made one in the basement of a building available for me. Unfortunately it was... inoperable. So I left the, the workplace to use the restroom off, off-base or what have you. And when I came back, I had clocked in too late, so I got fired. And this is after they warned me not to use the men's bathroom. [Doerfer] The discrimination that's going on in the state of Ohio against LGBT people and the lack of protection is so basic that people are living in poverty because of the discrimination, which I don't think most people have thought about - most elected officials don't really think about until you bring it to their awareness. [Legislator] Bills for third consideration. [Host] In response to the lack of protections, legislation was introduced in the Ohio State House. [Dale Miller] We're talking about House Bill 176 which is the Gay and Lesbian Non-Discrimination Act. And this bill covers employment, credit, and housing. Businesses know that discrimination is bad for business. [Stewart] We've tried to make the argument that - why would you want to discriminate against anyone? Ohio, like many states are having some tough economic times. And it also ranks number one in the country  of 18- to 40-year-olds leaving their state. So why would you want to put up "You're not welcome here," kind of sign to anyone? [Host] But conservatives opposed the bill on moral grounds. [Jeff Wagner] When you get down to the root of House Bill 176, it is about forcing acceptance of a lifestyle that many people disagree with. And shame on you for thinking you know better than other people in this state what their moral values should be. What really helped was having folks come before the legislature even before we were allowed to have hearings this, this last session. There were lobby days that were organized by the advocates in the GLBT community and to have people come in and talk to legislators to tell their individual stories. [Stewart] I think one of the best examples of that was Jimmie Beall. [Jimmie Beall] I taught high school. I taught government and law and psych and, you know classes that really prepared kids for the rigors that were associated with college. I had in fact just had my final evaluation and  I had just been offered a three-year contract. Two days later, was called in to the principal's office and told that despite just being offered a contract I would be non-renewed for the next school year. I would be fired. And I can tell you today that I remember exactly how that felt then. I was absolutely stunned. She was fired just because it was suspicion that she was a lesbian. And this was a woman who was highly regarded by her peers, by her students. [Stewart] And I knew that actually  more and more personally because I was a Facebook friend of hers eventually and I saw the comments from the students who she had had in the past who were now in college who were writing things about how proud they were of her and what she had done and what she stood for. So those stories started to really make a difference, I think, in, in legislators' minds and they got it. I rise today in support of House Bill 176. We should stop discriminating. We should support this bill. And I know that there are many people who may be disappointed by my support for this legislation. And I come at this, not as a Republican, I come at it as an Ohioan and really more than that, just as a plain human being. [Host] The House passed HB 176 by a vote of 56 to 39. [Legislator] The bill is hereby passed. [Host] The bill is now in the Ohio State Senate. Ohio's governor Ted Strickland has pledged to sign the bill into law if it passes the Senate. [Kim Welter] It's not gonna be easy getting House Bill 176 through the Senate. [Legislator] Senate will come to order. [Welter] It's gonna take Ohioans really kind of saying, "We're gonna do the letter writing. We're gonna do the contacting. We're gonna, you know, get businesses talking to the senators. We're," you know, that we're "gonna actually do this kind of grassroots work that really needs to be done." [Nash] We have to get more people out there to talk to their senators. It's the meeting the person that really makes the difference in whether bills get passed or not. [Beall] Are you ready to move to Canada?  Why are we still here? When are we moving to Canada? [Mindy Ross] I mean, the kids have their roots here. Their friends are here. Their, you know, their school's here. And they don't want to, they don't want to leave and they shouldn't have to. [Beall] So instead of leaving we become part of the solution. Ohio is our home. I love Ohio and I really love Cleveland. We believe that we will make this change. [Nash] We're just like everybody else with regard to employment, public accommodation, housing. We need the same securities as everybody else does. [Doerfer] I want to be there when the whole state flips. When we see all of our rights, I wanna be  a part of that. I want to see that happen. [Host] Thank you for watching "In the Life". To learn more about the issues in tonight's stories and how you can get involved, visit our website at inthelifeTV.org. You can also watch extended interviews, sign up for monthly airdate alerts, and download past episodes 24/7. There's a generation of us who said to the next generation, "It's okay to come out." And then kids started coming out and they came out younger and younger and younger. And they're not always safe and they're not always welcome. This is our family, and if nobody else is going to look out for them then we have an obligation to look out for them. [Narrator] "In the Life" is funded in part by: the H. van Ameringen Foundation; Arcus Foundation; the Estate of Richard W. Weiland; the Ambrose Monell Foundation; Gill Foundation; and these funders; and by the annual support of In the Life members like you. [logo music] [logo music]