In the Life: Ep. 1902, "An In the Life Special Presentation: Preacher's Sons"

[Host] Coming up on "In The Life" an "In The Life" special presentation. One families story of gay adoption in the film "Preacher's Sons." [Audio from the film "Preacher's Sons"] My dad's are so nice and they're now my real fathers." [Host] And an interview with the filmmaker C. Roebuck Reed. [C. Roebuck Reed] It's kind of a challenge to get people who are not on the same page with us to watch a film about gay adoption. [Narrator] "In The Life" is funded in part by the H. van Ameringen Foundation... Arcus Foundation... The Estate of Richard W. Weiland and by the annual support of "In The Life" members like you. [Host] Over 500,000 children in the United States are in foster care. More than 100,000 children await adoption. Despite this growing need, States currently restrict gay adoption. Tonight on "In The Life," documenting the issues and people shaping the gay experience. An excerpt from the film, "Preacher's Sons," which introduces the Stewart family and their journey for acceptance as a non-traditional family. And an interview with filmmaker C. Roebuck Reed who chronicled their journey. ["In The Life" main title music playing]. [Music playing]. [Host] And now..."Preacher's Sons." [Music playing, sound of children playing in pool from the film "Preacher's Sons"]. [Stillman White] Are you rubbing it in? [Young boy talking] No. [Music playing, sound of children playing in pool]. [White] There was two older women sittin' over there at the end of the pool and I was here in the middle. Kids were all playing around me and stuff and called me "Papa, Papa, Papa" and then Greg walked by the pool and all the kids turn and go, "Daddy!", and one of the women...older women said to the other one, "Uh-oh...there must be something wrong here." [White chuckles]. [Sound of children playing in pool]. And...all the time David's calling me "Mommy" too at the same time. So... yeah. [Greg Stewart] Go! [Music from the film playing]. [Song playing from the film] "Wade in the waters." "Wade in the waters, children wade in the waters." "Gods gonna trouble the water." [Music from the film playing.] [Song playing from the film] "Waters...I've got trouble in the waters." "I've got trouble in the waters." [Sound of cars on the street]. [Stewart] Arthur? Let's go. Do you know where the line is Dionte? [Dionte] Right here. [Stewart] Yeah. A line...a line. Straight line single file. Papa, are you ready? [White] Almost. [Stewart] Let's go guys. Regular seats in the van, please. Seatbelts on? [Stewart] When, when I talk about our family it's in some ways like any other family and in some ways it's like any other family, only exaggerated. [Kids making noise in the kitchen]. [Young boy singing] I Iike to eat...eat...eat. [Kids making noise in the kitchen]. [White] We always tell people, "We don't recommend this to anybody unless they feel particularly called to do this." "Not for adoption. And with kids that have had pasts that later that end up getting them labeled as 'at-risk'...it really is a calling." [Young boy talking] You can't open with that, Joe? That's not a fork. Watch, you're gonna make all this stuff... Oh...good idea, huh? Go like this. [A second young boy talking] Guys! Guys! Put it on there...put it on there and pull it real hard. [Young boy talking] Oh...Daddy did it. Let's have a [undecipherable]. [Multiple children yelling] Yeah! [C. Roebuck Reed] Greg Stewart was the Minister of Religious Education at Neighborhood Church in Pasadena where my husband and I had started taking our young children and over the course of a couple years I started seeing these little boys showing up and coming in for bagels in the morning and, and wondered who they were and then I found out they... that Greg and Stillman were adopting these five children over this two-year period At the same time my husband and I were acquiring video equipment and I'm trained in ethnographic film. So I had wanted to make a documentary for a long time but it was prohibitively expensive. So the coincidence of the video equipment and this amazing story which, as far as we were concerned, there was no guarantee it was going to turn out well. We thought that it was a really bad idea for these two guys who had not parented, as far as we knew, uhm...to adopt five children who have been mistreated. So we approached them in early 2002 because they knew us there was already a level of trust established. [Music from the film playing]. [Reed] I can't tell Stillman that you talked to us if you didn't talk to us, at all. Not even one word. [Music from the film playing]. [Unidentified man] Maybe instead of talking, could you show us something? Do you know any skateboard tricks? [Music from the film playing]. [Stewart] Alan was born very addicted to cocaine and fetal alcohol syndrome... the whole works. He was born three weeks premature and they didn't expect him to live. So he had a really rough start in life.. [Reed talking] Ready to go Alan? [Unidentified man talking] Let's go, bud. [Stewart] Alan stands up for himself. He never backs down and uhm...if you say, "Red," he says, "Blue." That can be an endearing trait or it can also just be, you know, really self-destructive and destructive to others. [Alan playing with baby]. [Stewart] He...he...is at the point now where he intuit's what a family is supposed to be and he can almost feel it but he's just...uh... just this far from trusting but he's close enough that he's gonna make that step. He's just...it's taken him awhile. He came to us when he was three years old. He's now six years old and underneath his rough exterior, like a lot of kids, he's got a heart of gold and can bring tears to your eyes just by pointing out things that happen that we just take for granted. Right around the time his adoption was rolling around when it was about to be finalized out of the blue we got a call it's it's a worker we've never heard of before and she had a baby...an infant... that she needed to place and she had to place the infant that night and would we be able to take this infant? And, "Oh, by the way, it's Alan's biological brother." [Music from the film playing]. [Stewart] And that night a worker came over and brought us a beautiful baby boy. He had no name. His name on the paper was just "Baby Boy" and then a last name and he was at this point two and a half weeks old. We immediately said, "Yes," without even thinking, without even realizing that we didn't know hardly anything about babies. [White] they literally gave us approximately 48 hours to get ready to have a baby and the baby came to us with basically the clothes that he had in his bag with one little tiny bottle. [Stewart] This baby was in our home but there was no guarantee that the baby would stay in our home. [White] Yeah, they made that very clear even though that we had his biological brother in the house. There was no guarantee that he couldn't end up with any, any relative actually. [Stewart] We were bonding with the baby, the baby's bonding with us and every week we were told that the family could request to have that baby back and within 48 hours we would no longer have the baby. It just totally changed our lives and it was very overwhelming and what amazes me at this point now and I think about that is all this is going on the social workers comes up with another kid who's had fourteen previous placements and three previous failed adoptions out-of-state. His mother had come across the Mexican border had the baby and left the baby at the hospital and this boy had been moved around and around. [Music from the film playing]. [Arthur] It's hard climbing this tree? [Reed] What's the hardest thing you do, you think? Is it climbing that tree? [Arthur] Yep...no. The hardest thing in my life is....when I make a mistake, I can't fix it. And that's the hardest thing in my life. [Stewart] The worker brought him over and said, "This is the case I've had the longest. We can't place him anywhere. We've seen what you guys have been doing with the other kids and uh...you know, will you take him?" We heard the story. The kid was there and we said, "Yes," on the spot. What surprised us is the worker said, "Well, I don't think we need to have any short-term visits or anything. I've got his stuff in the car. Let's just move him in." So he moved in that day. [White] No nothing. [Stewart] Yeah. [White] He just came. [Music from the film playing]. [Stewart] The worker warned us that he was not like Alan or David. That he would need psychotropic drugs, he would need to be in therapy immediately, he would be dangerous to us and to the other kids. All of the [unintelligible] we were told we're going to take place... we're either not taking place or they weren't taking place to the degree that we were told they would be. [Music from the film playing]. He would have fits. He would have tantrums. He would occasionally throw things. Slam doors. Uhm...he was clearly more disturbed than the other two kids but it really wasn't, you know... this overwhelming thing where we ever felt like, you know, for our safety, for the baby's safety, for the...for Alan safety, he needs to be out of this house. [Arthur] My dads are so nice. They just take care of me and protect me. And they're now my real fathers. It's like I came out their stomach. [Music from the film playing]. And I like it right here. It's fun. [Music from the film playing]. [Stewart] We get another phone call and this time they've got two boys. These boys were named Javonte and Dionte. Javonte was seven. [Unidentified man talking] Okay Joe, give her the headphones okay? [Javonte] Okay. [Stewart] Dionte was six when they came to our house. [Dionte] Go back! [Stewart] These two boys are siblings that are probably gonna have to be...be split up because one is very quiet and compliant and one is very loud and doesn't seem to hear what anybody else has to say and doesn't follow directions. [Dionte screaming as he rides wagon downhill]. [Stewart] They had at least 12 previous placements with the placement about every six months. The Department of Children and Family Services did not sugarcoat this in any way. They said, "This is a whole new level." You know, they weren't even sure they recommended this but they didn't want to see the kids get split up and would we at least meet...meet with them? [Javonte] Hi. [Unidentified man talking] Hi. Sounds pretty cool, huh? [Javonte] Yeah. [White] But I don't know if people realize, you know, what a big impact that is on a child. Your first taken away from your biological parents, if you can imagine that, and then being told that you're not gonna live with your sibling anymore. [Dionte] When I grow up I'm going to be a... I'm going to be helping you. [Unidentified man talking] Really? [Dionte] When I grew up I may be a doctor first. Then I'm going to change... I'm gonna change into a pet zoo. [Unidentified man talking] Into a what? [Dionte] A pet zoo lady, [Unidentified man talking] What is that? I understand what that is? [Dionte] Like uhm...the, the pet lady.... from the pet lady they, they take care of the animals. [Unidentified man talking] Like a veterinarian? [Dionte] Yeah. [Unidentified man talking] How you say that? [Dionte] "Petnarian." And every time when an adult says do not touch a dog, you do not touch it. Right? [Unidentified man talking] Right. [Javonte] How old are you? [Reed]. How old are you? [Javonte] You? [Reed]. You? [Javonte] Eight. [Reed] What grade are you in? [Javonte] First...second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth, ninth, tenth. [Reed] What is the one question you wish we would ask you? [Javonte] Goodbye. [Reed and unidentified man talking] Okay. Okay. [Javonte] No. [Stewart] Joe and "D" had that same biological connection that Alan and David had. Joe had lived with his biological mother for three years. Dionte never lived with his biological mom. Mom left him at the hospital. He was reunited with his brother in foster care and they were miraculously kept together through at least twelve placements. Neither one of them, when they first came to our house used silverware, they used their hands and simply put food in their mouth. Both of these kids would hoard food. They would take food and put it into in their rooms and under their beds for later. If you figure in those twelve placements the amount of time they spend in each home when was there time to teach them how to eat? How to brush their teeth? How to use the bathroom? How to do much of anything. [Unidentified child talking] Go together. [Stewart] There was no continuity in their school. They were working at grade levels so far below par it was like starting over because they'd start one school and three months later be in another school and two months later be in another school and they'd be out of school because the records wouldn't get transferred or their physicals weren't up to date. We knew...that they...this was a different level and they were truly troubled kids and at the time we also knew we were gonna give it a shot. [Sound of child playing with toys]. [White] I have a bachelors in social work. [Sound of child playing with toys]. [White] And uh...one thing in Chicago... [Sound of child playing with toys]. my first job... [Sound of child playing with toys]. was we had a lot of gang kids too. [Sound of child playing with toys]. When I was going to school I did an internship at a senior center and I really liked working with seniors and Greg kept telling me... [Sound of child playing with toys]. someday that I'd be working with gang kids in the inner city. I was like no way... [Sound of child playing with toys]. and when I graduated I couldn't find a job working with seniors and this place I applied for and got the job. . [Sound of child playing with toys]. Been working for kids ever since. [Reed] My journey was basically from from disbelief that people would take on this sort of challenge. As the mother of two daughters I could not imagine raising five sons and...and...and...and the fact that it was two dads really didn't have that much to do with it but I must say my respect for these men has grown exponentially over the years. They are fabulous parents and I realize now in a...in a very deep sense that it does not matter what the parental makeup of the household is as long as they are good, dedicated, loving people. [Street and parking lot noise]. [Stewart] Remember...remember the children's choir? If you want to start singing in the children's choir again, they're going to start rehearsing between 10 and 11 on Sunday's. It means you're already here. It means you can all join and we would have a children's choir with 400 kids. Wouldn't that be great? [Stewart and children singing choir songs]. [Stewart] My dad was the senior minister and I knew...I saw firsthand uhm... the good things and the bad things about that but that was the catalyst to look for something other than the same kind of ministry. [Stewart] "And the winner...15 points. [Kids in pool cheering]. [Arthur] "Daddy, I let them get it." [Stewart] "I know you did. That was very good of you Arthur. That's very good of you to let everybody get some points because you know you're the champion anyway." We waited 20 years into a relationship before we had kids has certainly helped maintain the core of our relationship which was friendship long before it was anything else. We did share common religious heritage which is really kind of cool but...but we didn't share much else in common. One of the things I remember we used to do is on our lunch breaks is get the suntan oil out and lay out in the front of this industrial park, you know, for the hour and have lunch. That was not done in Columbus, Ohio and in industrial parks.... [White] In 1979. [Stewart] and uh...you know, people suspected things before we even knew that we had a relationship. that was, that was beyond friendship just because guys don't do that I guess. [Minister]. "Love for one another and consented to travel in love with one another." "We are pleased to receive them as sealed and true." "I pronounce them partners for life whom God has joined together. Let no one put asunder." [Congregation] "Amen." [Minister]. "And you may kiss." [Congregation cheers and claps]. [Javonte] Okay...this is papa... Stillman White. Pee wee. Ooh. [Uknown man talking] What did he get that for? [Javonte] For coaching us. [Kids playing, laughing and making noise]. [White] Before we got kids I worked in group homes. So I kind of knew what we were getting into. What I forgot to think about was that, that I can't just punch the clock and go home at the end of the day and because they're my children and Greg's children- our children- I expect more from 'em than... just like any other parent, I expect more from 'em and you know, somebody else's kid. [Reed] So anyway you were telling me last night something that's happening on Tuesday. [Dionte] Adoption. [Reed] What is that? [Dionte] Tuesday. [Reed] What is that? [Dionte] We get adopted. [Reed] What does that mean? [Dionte] We get to stay at papa's and daddy's house and we get to be Arthur and Allan's real brothers. [Reed] how long do you get to stay? [Dionte] Ten hundred years. Until he dies. [Music from the film playing]. [Judge talking] I guess we can move. [People laughing]. [Stewart] We're used to a still shots. Shake hands with the judge, guys. [Song playing from the film] "Wade in the waters...wade in the waters, children wade in the waters." "I've got trouble in the waters." "I've got trouble in the waters." [Reed] They have been challenged, not only by the boys, but by the society around them. After they left Los Angeles they moved to Michigan where they were not accepted as a family at all. The children were tormented on a daily basis at school about having two dads. Uhm...when they went out not only was it an issue that they had two dad's but also that, that both the dad's were white and the children were not. They did the best job that could be done within the home but of course nobody exists in a social vacuum. We followed them through four different cities. They were received very differently in each one of those cities. The biggest tool they have in their toolbox...uhm...for, for dealing with the sort of thing is to keep talking. They are very open in their conversations with the kids. As Stillman jokes at one point in the film that, "Yeah, I got two dads. Get used to it." Well...it didn't stop there but that was very much a part of the attitude, you know, this is one type of family among many possible types of families and they're all good, they're all valid. From Greg and Stillman's perspective the film was about, and the reason they were involved with the film, is that they want more children to be adopted and they wanted people to see that this is a possibility and maybe open their hearts to adopting children. I am currently on a tour of the U.S. doing a grassroots approach to distribution. We're having house parties, parties at organizations and churches. I...believe that will be the best way to reach the middle Americans who maybe don't watch "In The Life." Uhm...and, and maybe never thought they would see a film like this but who love children because in the end that really is what the film is about- it's about this family that forms because of the love of these two adults. [Host] Thank you for watching "In The Life." To learn more about the issues in tonight's episode and how they affect you visit our website at inthelifetv.org. You can also watch exclusive content including a look at the ACLU case challenging the gay adoption ban in Florida, sign up for monthly air date alerts and download past episodes 24-7 [Music playing]. [Narrator] "In The Life" is funded in part by the H. van Ameringen Foundation... Arcus Foundation... The Estate of Richard W. Weiland... and by the annual support of "In The Life" members like you. [WNET Channel 13 New York station identification music]. [American Public Television station identification music].