In the Life: 1812, "It's About Time"

[Host Michael Billy] Coming up on "In The Life." Coping with the realities of LGBT aging... [Ivy Bottini] It's dangerous out there for them to let people know who they are. [Billy] A conversation with AARP's Jennie Chin Hansen and Michael Adams of SAGE... [Jennie Chin Hansen] We have to find that common denominator that unites us as human beings. [Billy] And "A Very Long Engagement"... [Edie Windsor] Why should it be different if you've lived with somebody for all those years? [Billy] All this and more on "In The Life." [Narrator] "In The Life" is funded in part by the H. van Ameringen Foundation... Arcus Foundation... Newpol Foundation... The Estate of Richard W. Weiland... The Ted Snowdon Foundation and these funders and by the annual support of "In The Life" members like you. [Billy] Welcome to "In The Life," I'm Michael Billy. There's a dialogue starting at the national level about how to fully recognize the rights of LGBT senior citizens. Tonight we explore what it means to grow old as a gay person in America and how a generation once on the front lines at Stonewall now finds that retirement does not provide a break from the challenges of living life as an openly gay person. ["In The Life" main title music playing]. [Billy] According to the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force over 3 million LGBT people are over age 65. This number will more than double by the year 2030. While seniors are protected against discrimination by the Older Americans Act the lack of LGBT specific protections can drive our movement's pioneers back into the "closet" when entering long-term care facilities. Activists are now taking matters into their own hands. Creating safe spaces for our elders from affordable housing and assisted living, to community service groups. [Amber Hollibaugh] In every one of the LGBT organizations that I see around me they're all clamoring about youth. It's not that I think that that's not important but another community that's as vulnerable as young people are old people. [Music playing]. [Gloria Donadello] People here are very conservative...very, very conservative. I don't feel that I can be my person here, to be the person that I am. [Ivy Bottini] If they were born around the time I was born, you know, in the 20's or the early 30's they grew up in a society that was openly hostile to us and so that has been inculcated into their brain that it's dangerous out there for them to let people know who they are. [Hilda Rush] One night I was walking one of the main streets and since I happen to be in love with this person that I was walking with I wanted to hold her hand and she just...I don't know whether it was her or me or the other way around, but I know that we couldn't do it because...somebody might have seen it. I ended up in the United States in 1956 and I was 43 but within three or four months I got a job as a sales rep. New England was my first area. [Joy Silver] We've moved a lot. We moved because of opportunities or just places where we felt freer to be who we were and created our family of choice. So here we are sitting around with our friends and we're kind of thinking, "Wow... what's going to happen to us when we get older?" It's taken us eight years to put the project together and to get the financing for it. In our attempt to include as many people as possible into the community we've incorporated condos and then we have independent living rentals and from there we also incorporated the assisted living. The key to our philosophy about assisted living is that those people who are in assisted living need to be integrated into a community. [Donadello] We're not an outcast [unintelligible]. People like me but people don't understand me here. So when I say, "I'm leaving here" and they say, "Well, where are you going?" I say, "I'm going to Rainbow Vision." "What is that?" I tell people what it is and I can tell them that I will be more comfortable there than I am here. [Silver] This is Gloria's...this is her place. She's really excited to get out. She's in a conventional setting right now and she wants to move out because she's a lesbian. This is the view that Gloria's gonna be seeing out of her main living room every day. [Music playing]. [Silver] This building is Hilda Rush's home now being manifested. [Rush] I'm looking forward to moving there and I'm hoping that it'll happen soon. People that I've met who are going to be my neighbors and so on seem to be awfully nice and...and uh...I'm looking forward to it. [Silver] In 1968 civil rights took an historic move forward. Like that yesterday Rainbow Vision and all the people who make up Rainbow Vision celebrate this historic moment. The first community of its kind in the world. [Rush] I think the idea that Joy has is she wants people who are in my situation, who are alone... that they suddenly have a family and that is exactly what...is what I've been missing all my life. [Michael Adams] There are a small but growing number of residential communities that have been built specifically for LGBT older people and we see them as a fantastic development. Having said that they will never be affordable in the ways that so many members of our community need. [Herb Larrimore] The only thing we've got is this house. I had stocks and I had savings here and there but Harry got sick for the last five years or so. The money's gone. There's no nothing to fall back on now. We have no pension. He gets a $180.00 from Teamsters... and then rest of it is social security. We're living on food from... [Harry Park] Project Angel. [Larrimore]...Project Angel Food. [Park] We call them happy meals. Happy for me because I don't have to cook. [Park laughs]. [Hollibaugh] Most of us do the best that we can to live the lives we've got with the kind of paychecks we bring home. Very few companies give good pension plans. Very few people have much resource and they live right up against what they have. [Music playing]. [Bottini] We started planning an affordable living space for lesbian...LGBT people. It's called "Triangle Square." There's no choices if you don't have the money. If you need affordable housing this is it. [Clapping noise]. [Park] Ground break of yesterday...they only had a hundred some odd units available. [Larrimore] But when there's 6,000 people already on the list, you know... [Unidentified man talking ] I have been hounding these people by phone for about two years or so since I first heard about it. "When can I get on the list? When can I see the plans?" And all of that and here I am today. [Bottini] We're looking for land. We're gonna be building another one and we go out and consult, you know, around the country trying to get people to then invest their time to do the same thing. It's imperative that this happened. That there be more than one. That, that there be many across the country. [Adams] There are few options for LGBT older folks when it comes to housing. So an increasing focus are finding more ways and, and deeper ways that older people can get engaged and stay engaged in their community. [Cheering and clapping noise]. [Unidentified woman talking] There's no reason for anybody to be home alone. It's very sad because there's so much out there to do. There's so many centers that they can get involved in. [Unidentified woman talking] I had the usual lesbian fears of hiding in the closet, not telling everybody. I found SAGE by accident. Somebody led me to that. It was a world opening up. I started to join committees. I started to talk. People heard me. They listened and I forgot about the closet. I forgot about myself and I just burst into being. [Adams] SAGE stands for "Services and Advocacy for GLBT Elders." For 30 years we have been working with and on behalf of LGBT older people. There are a dozen SAGE affiliates in...uh...cities around the country- Chicago, Milwaukee, San Diego, Fort Lauderdale. So we have a number of other SAGE organizations that do work similar to ours in terms of providing local service programs. [Ryan McNamera] We are lucky to have a lot of talent here at SAGE. [Audience clapping]. [McNamera] SAGE has so many different functions for, for many people. Some people...uhm...it's a place for them to pop in see their friends once a week. [Piano music playing]. I see the people who go to groups, who go to the brunches. [Piano music playing]. [Jim] I do bereavement for SAGE and the counseling was unbelievable. It was through a period of inner turmoil for me and what I ended up doing was putting a lot of energy into volunteerism and I find by giving back to my community it's a legacy to my part and to myself. [Audience clapping]. [Regina Shavers] The group of us we got together to try to see if we could make uh... some kind of service center. So we used our phone books and we sent out fliers all over and maybe about 70-75 people showed up. We realized that we had something that was necessary, so we named ourselves of Griot's. That's what it meant to us- maintaining community, maintaining a connection, maintaining our village, maintaining our people. [Unidentified woman #1 talking] We senior citizens and need a certain kind of help with our health or to get in contact with somebody. We have a "buddy- buddy" system. [Unidentified woman #2 talking] Yes. [Unidentified woman #1 talking] That's another thing everybody helped to call each other or talk you know got a problem then they have a counselor here and everything else. [Unidentified woman #2 talking] I have taken them to the doctors, I have visit, I have cooked and taken food. Oh yeah...our "buddy-to-buddy," that's right! [Park] Right now there are so many organizations that give freely to those in need. We're struggling but we're making ends meet. [Hollibaugh] We're dependent on each other in a community and we have to take care of each other and, therefore, younger LGBT activists have to fight for the resources that some of us will use right now so that those resources will be in place for them when they reach our age. Not because it's a favor to me but because they'll need it in their own lives, even if they don't need it at this point. [Music playing]. ["In The Life" music playing]. [Billy] Since 1958 AARP has been the foremost authority- an advocate for the aging American population. Twenty years later SAGE, a national social service and advocacy organization dedicated to LGBT senior citizens, was founded. AARP's President Jennie Chin Hansen and Michael Adams, Executive Director of SAGE, discuss the importance of AARP identifying gay elders as part of their constituency and the meaningful collaboration by these important organizations. [Adams] It's great to see you here and actually have a chance to sit down and talk a little bit. [Hansen] I think really the first time we met was when I had a chance to uh... be the speaker, you know, at the SAGE conference which was was the fourth conference you had...on the focus on aging in particular but a celebration of your 30th anniversary as well. And one of the things Michael I was just so touched and honored that I could be there and I learned so much having that opportunity. AARP has always been about all people who age and the whole principle of aging with dignity and respect is something that is our overarching a set of principles. Our work and understanding that there are in the aging population a very strong LGBT community that is part of the group that we represent who are our members. [Adams] What kind of response did AARP get from its constituents? And was there any pushback or criticism of AARP's support of the conference? [Hansen] There was none. I mean...the fact that people see that our inclusiveness. Our membership is made up of close to 40 million people. About half of our population is under 65 and half of it is over 65. So we really are quite an umbrella organization with these core issues that do ultimately unify people: and that is recognizing having healthcare access and quality is one; having that kind of economic security that affects us and you know we have the blessing but also the challenge sometimes of living a long life but worrying about money; and then being part of a community that we've called "livable communities" that are supportive of our, our well-being and our contribution. [Adams] The more that...uhm...AARP is, is...uhm...able to demonstrate that inclusivity on LGBT issues and be public about it, it seems to create a sense of "Of course...of course that LGBT people should be part of these discussions" and that shouldn't be a remarkable thing but it certainly is an indication of some of the progress that we've made. There's a lot of negotiation going on on Capitol Hill around the contours of what we hope is going to be really comprehensive health care reform legislation. Some of that's focused on, you know, health disparities, cultural competency, etc. Uhm...and the reality is an organization like SAGE that doesn't have a deep presence in Washington isn't really part of those discussions and yet the interest of our constituents are very much embedded in those discussions. So there are discussions about data collection and the importance of collecting comprehensive data on health issues so that the country can learn more and plan for the future. Data collection is one area that LGBT people in general have been almost entirely excluded from especially when it's government sponsored. Just two weeks ago we were on the phone with policy director at AARP going through specific healthcare issues and what the concerns of SAGE are in those issues and knowing that, that AARP can then take those concerns and integrate them into discussions I think...it's, it's a really important thing. Now whether we'll see that translate into actual legislative provisions this year we don't that, right? That takes time. But we know what the first step toward that is getting...getting the issue out there. [Hansen] One of the things I, I gave in my speech...uh...at, at the SAGE conference was just... uh...some of the...uhm...barriers for...say partners, who are... somebody who goes to a nursing home... [Adams] Yes. [Hansen]...and the partner from a legal standpoint now cannot necessarily...uh... be a part of that process in that same way and so that's a very specific issue of, of how laws define certain relationships in all. Uhm...on the other hand, you know, one of the things that AARP is really advancing and has pushed forward in health care reform and which we hope can, you know, still stay in focus is the creation of care systems that are more home and community-based. [Adams] Mm-hmm. And, and when you do it in a broader sense it allows for partners, couples to support each other quite differently. [Adams] This is, this is a really important area. An area where I think that we can work even more closely together. I mean, there are some very unfortunate realities within the LGBT context for older adults: lack of primary caregivers, lack of adult children ...uhm...disconnection from families of origin. There's, there's evidence indicating that LGBT older adults are actually at heightened risk for a premature institutionalization. Having to go to a nursing home well before it would otherwise be necessary because there's simply nobody to provide the kind of assistance that would otherwise allow people to stay in their homes to age in place. And that the reality is is the way that organizations like SAGE and the LGBT community have had to address that is by building community structures. So that's why we have at SAGE- friendly visitor programs and volunteer caregiver programs and things of that nature. For us that the notion of community focused support and care is critical because without it our constituents are going to end up in really unfortunate situations. They often do. [Hansen] You know our support for helping develop the structures on which the communities can, can...uhm...circle around to, to fill it in because even right now we're so well aware that 80% of anything that has to do with long-term care is really done informally. [Adams] Mm-hmm. [Hansen] Only 20% is really kind of governmentally, financially supported. So it's really...those of us who are...our families, communities that really take up that slack and I think especially, you know, given the the statistics that we're aware of with vulnerability of the LGBT community that much more...you have to have at least that...that...that architecture on which to build that strength of support. [Adams] SAGE and many organizations like us are... a lot of our work it's done by volunteers and, and people tend to assume that, that all of our volunteers are LGBT and although many of them are the reality is that we have many volunteers who are straight allies....uh...who come in because they recognize the importance of the work and they want to...and they want to help out. What do you see as being some of what maybe is the shared opportunity for, for straight allies who are interested in learning more about and being supportive of LGBT aging issues? Or just LGBT issues in general? [Hansen] I think it comes down to the fact that when we get to know each other as people, you know, as they say a lot of the other packaging in which we are...uhm... has a much different way of being seen but for the fact that there's work to be done together. I mean I think about a couple of my college friends who did not come "out" at the time we were in college and are now aware of the fact that I'm in this role and they're so happy that the ability to have somebody, who happens to be straight, begin to be a part of the team of raising these, these matters that oftentimes are invisible. So, I think, the more we get to that point in our society the more this crossing together, you know, of what our identities are whether it's gay/straight or whether it's race...uh...in terms of differentiators... uhm...we have to find find that common denominator that unites us as human beings. [Adams] I just want to thank you for taking the time and for all of your support and for just uh... really being such a great ally. [Hansen] Thank you for your working with AARP and for your particular leadership of SAGE. [Adams]. Thank you. ["In The Life" music playing]. [Billy] The documentary filmmaking team that brought us the Brandon Teena story in 1998 now explores the meaning of the word "marriage" with the film "Edie &Thea: A Very Long Engagement." This tender, double portrait received a six minute standing ovation when it premiered at the Frame Line Film Festival this summer. [Thea Spyer] New Orleans? No. Venice? Venice, Venice. Yes. Oh God, there's one miserable person. [Laughter]. You're not so happy either. Good...good. I think I'll look at this picture for an hour while everybody has lunch. [Laughter and music playing]. [Susan Muska] We met Edie and Thea through Brendan Fay who runs Civil Marriage Trails which is an organization that helps gay and lesbian couples go to Canada to get married. [Edie Windsor] He was simply determined... he had just arranged our marriage. That is to say he had introduced us to the judge and they were just going to interview us as a favor to Brendan. [Greta Olafsdottir] Those ladies they really grow on you. Once you meet them... it's really hard to, you know, there was no way we're not going to do something about them. [Windsor] It's easy to talk to them but, but as...as we worked with them we really did fall in love with [unintelligible]...this couple fell in love with that couple. So it was so easy. We stopped being self-conscious in any way and it was just like we were just telling our friends about our life. [Music playing]. [Windsor] When was it about? 1962. I certainly couldn't take it anymore and I called an old friend of mine, a very good friend, and I said, "If you know where the lesbians go, please take me, okay?" So she took me to the Portofino for dinner. The lesbians used to go there on Friday night and somebody brought Thea over and introduced her and we ended up dancing. [Thea Spyer] And we immediately just fit. Our bodies fit. And we danced the whole night through as the song goes such that at the end of it, Edie had danced a hole through the bottom of her stockings. And that was the beginning of it. [Muska] What we learned about aging from Edie and Thea and maintaining a relationship and staying in love was very much about the word "engagement" and having...I mean, a very long engagement it's not just about a a wedding ring but it's about being engaged and being interested. [Music playing]. [Windsor] I always wanted to get married and uh...and well Thea's the one who, who proposed. As time went on it be...and it began to be possible in some places. [Judge Harvey Brownstone] Now therefore I, Harvey Brownstone, Judge of the Ontario Court of Justice, by virtue of the power vested in me under the Marriage Act of Ontario, do hereby pronounce you Edith Windsor and Thea Spyer to be legally married spouses and partners for life. Congratulations. [People cheering and clapping]. [Olafsdottir] This is a film that needs to be seen by people who are putting themselves on that pedestal and being against gay marriage. [Windsor] Marriage why should it be different if you've lived with somebody as if, you know, certainly not feeling single for all those years, you know? What, what's the big deal if it's not financial and economic? And the big deal is something symbolic, okay? Having to do with this... this somehow worldwide recognition of the word. [Music playing]. [Windsor] The film for me is like a gorgeous gift to me, okay. This woman that I adored is, is talking to me every day if I want, you know, saying her vows. [Spyer] Usually people do this because they're making a commitment, as they say, at the beginning of their lives. For us it's at the other end. [Music playing]. [Muska] We premiered the film at Frame Line. It was really tremendous experience. [Audience clapping]. [Olafsdottie] Edie had a six and a...over six minute standing ovation. [Audience cheering and clapping]. I don't think there was a dry eye in the auditorium. [Windsor] People kept stopping to, you know, "could I hug you please?" Uh..."I gotta ask an autograph," somebody said. And it was the relationship that they were talking about. It's exactly how I would want people to see us. [Music playing]. [Billy] Thank you for watching "In The Life." To learn more about the issues and tonight's stories and how they affect you visit our website at inthelifetv.org. You can also watch extended interviews, sign up for monthly air date alerts and download past episodes 24-7. I'm Michael Billy. Thanks for tuning in and please join us next month. [Music playing]. [Narrator] "In The Life" is funded in part by The H. van Ameringen Foundation... Arcus Foundation... Newpol Foundation... The Estate of Richard W. Weiland... The Ted Snowdon Foundation and these funders and by the annual support of "In The Life" members like you. [WNET Channel 13 New York station identification music]. [American Public Television station identification music].