If It Doesn't Work... Complain

[Music] Mitch. Mitch. Listen. Uh, did that guy show up about the stereo set? He did. He is. Oh, what'd he say? >> Oh, hell. Wouldn't that Frosty Well, listen. Did you ask him? Put him on. Put him on. >> Hey, Walt. Are you going to be eating with us today? Now, what the hell do you mean by >> you, Alan? >> Yeah, this is Whipple, the guy that bought the stereo set. Now, listen. I want to know what's >> Jenny. >> How's the Spanish course coming? >> I see. I see. Sometimes I don't feel so Spanish. Me neither. Right. It wasn't right from the first coffee. >> Not that mud. >> I got my own. >> But now look, if that cartridge is no good, it's up to you to replace it. >> Say, what's with Walt? I was afraid. He almost took poor Allen's head off. >> Oh, come on. I just got the thing. What are you talking about? >> How's the weather out there, Henry? >> Cold, rainy, miserable. Everybody hates everybody. It's a jungle out there, isn't it? >> Nice of you to say that, Henry. Makes me feel all warm and cozy. >> It's not so nice inside either. What's the matter with Walt? >> We'll hear soon enough. >> Didn't you bring a lunch, Adele? >> Oh, no. Alan's getting me a sandwich. >> My fault. Oh, come on. >> You know, I hate it when people get so mad. >> Okay, here we are. It's lunchtime. I see. One giant moose burger. One chocolate malt. That's for me. Now for a dell. One barbecued beef. Uh, heavy on the mayo. Uh, one cherry pie and one strawberry shake. >> Do I have to watch? I got something for Walt, too. I'm very forgiving. >> Let's hope he Uhoh, here he comes now. [Music] >> Henry, love, would you sit between me and Walt? I don't feel safe here. >> Uh-uh. I've got a wife and child to think. >> What's wrong, Walt? >> 250 bucks. >> 250 bucks and that thing won't work. >> What kind of thing? Oh, look. I don't want to talk about it. I'm just too damn mad. >> Talk or don't talk. Just don't keep us guessing. >> I guess I've been acting like a jerk. Sorry. >> Come on, man. You can tell us. We're all friends. >> Yeah. What was it? >> A stereo set in components. >> What are you going to play on it, Lawrence Welk? >> No. When I worked in that record shop, I got hooked on listening to symphonies. >> So, you bought a stereo? >> Yeah. 250 bucks. Great buy. worth maybe oh 400 >> except it didn't work. >> Uh no. >> And you complained? >> You bet I did. I rounded up that salesman that sold it to me. So I sent a repair guy out to the house. That was him I talked to on the phone. >> We heard. >> And he wouldn't take it back and give you a new one. >> Nah. He said it was the last one he had in stock, but for 200 bucks more. >> Oh, brother. >> Yeah. And the repairman that you jerk admits there's a bad circuit, but he claims I must have put it together wrong. What can I do? >> Well, you could go down there and yell a little. >> Glenn, I can't take a half day off. >> Give him a phone call. >> What for? Look, I know when I've been taken. What can I do? >> You might as well relax. They make it too hard for you any other way. >> That's right. Look what happened to me and my panty hose. >> I would love to hear what happened to you and your panty hose. That is, if you can tell it, in mixed company. >> No, no, no. It's not anything like that. You see, I bought these three pair of panty hoes at a discount place because they were only 69 cents a piece >> and they didn't last. >> No, they got runs in them before I even put them on. So, I went to return them, but I got the wrong store. >> How could you do that? >> Well, there are 12 branch stores in this discount chain, and they said I had to take them back to the same place that I bought them. So when I got to the right place, they said that I had bought them at a special one-day cheap pantyhose sale and that they didn't have any more like them. And so >> so you were out uh 207, right? >> Oh, no. I I still have the panty hose, only they aren't much good. I guess I'll never buy that brand again. >> If I were you, dear, I wouldn't buy anything in that store again. But at least 207 isn't such a lot of money these days. >> A lot or a little? It's sure hard to get any satisfaction out of a store lately. >> So, you've been stung, too, huh, Anita? >> Just about. I would have been if it hadn't been for my husband, Pete. >> But, how's that? >> Well, Pete's been working on the late shift at the plant. And when he gets home about midnight, he likes to have some toasted chocolate. Real Mexican chocolate. >> Man, I wish Carla were here to listen to you for just one minute. I generally get potato chips and Kool-Aid. >> So, what happened? Our old toaster didn't work too good, so I stopped after work and got a new one. $8.95 plus tax. >> Well, it sounds nice. >> Just listen. Pete came home. I had the chocolate made. I put a slice of bread in the toaster. I pushed down the little dingo and they blew out every fuse in the house. >> I bet that really made him mad. >> Well, at least you didn't blow 250 bucks. >> Hey, uh, listen. You guys are ruining my appetite. My moose burger doesn't even taste right. Must have come from my butcher. >> Oh, come on, Henry. >> Shortwaited food, bad meat, landlord problems. That's life, baby. Part of the pollution we breathe. >> Well, it's not that bad, man. Listen, last year we got my mother a uh a pressure cooker. She likes to make capusta, you know, uh cabbage soup. Well, this cooker had a leak in it, and we ended up with sauerkraut all over the kitchen walls. >> It was on Mother's Day, too. Well, what did you do? >> Told the guy he owed me for the cooker. Also for repainting the kitchen. >> Well, what did he say? >> He said no. >> So, >> so I took him to small claims court. I got 300 bucks. >> How much the lawyer cost? >> Oh, no. Small claims court. You don't need a lawyer. You just go down and the clerk gives you the papers to fill out and tells you what kind of evidence you need and what to do at the hearing and then you take it from there. Wow, man. Sounds like something I've got to look into. Well, maybe that's what you better do. >> Ah, no. I've never done anything like that in my life. >> Time to learn, man. Time to learn. >> Of course. Uh, I don't know. I I wouldn't go to court unless I tried everything else. >> How much more everything else counselor must Walt do? What do you think, Jenny? >> Oh, I don't know. I always yell a lot, but then I can get away with it. I'm just a little old lady in tennis shoes. You're >> right. >> You got to cool it. You should never get any manner than you absolutely have to. >> Oh, Wanita, you never did tell us what you did about the toaster. >> Oh, I brought it back to the store. >> Well, did they give you a new one? >> Uh-huh. >> Come on, Wanita. What did you say to them? >> Yeah. I feel like such a fool listening to you. All right. I walked into the store and I looked around for a cla >> and he said, "Um, could I help you, please?" >> And I said, "Somebody better help me or my husband Pete will kill me." I want to exchange this is a toaster. And he said, "Did I buy it in that store?" And I said, "If I didn't buy it in that store, what am I bringing a bath there for?" And he said, >> he said, "Uh, could I see your sales slip, please?" >> Well, did you know? Anyway, I didn't have the sales. It got lost in all the excitement. And he said, "Did I want an exchange?" And I said, "What did he think? I want a toaster that will toast bread, not the wiring in my house." And he said, "Let me do this one." Yeah. Go on. >> I'm sorry, madam. I can't give you an exchange without a seal slip. Why do they always call you madam? I mean, it makes you feel so dirty. You know what I mean? >> That's the story. Pretty stupid, huh? No offense, Wanita, but I wouldn't give you an exchange on that story. >> Why not? >> Well, number one, you didn't tell the guy what he needed to know. And number two, you didn't show him anything to prove you bought the toaster in his store. >> You're so bright. How come you're hung with an expensive stereo? Huh? >> Well, I installed it myself. Uh, they said I did it wrong. >> Did you? >> No, I know how to install a stereo. I did it right. But, uh, where do I go from here? >> The store manager. Did you go to the store manager with your toaster? >> Not the first time, but Pete and I went back again. We walked into the store with the toaster in one hand and the council check in the other. We said we wanted an exchange and we got it right then. [Applause] >> That's great. I can just see you and Pete walking up to the butcher with a 14 oz pound of hamburger in your hand. >> Oh, my panty hose. Okay, there's probably nothing that works for everyone every time, but don't you have to figure all the possibilities? Well, take Walt here. Now, he talked to the salesman. He talked to the maintenance man. Nothing happened. Now, in a situation like this, he can afford to move up the line. Talk to the manager. >> So, he throws me out. Then, what do I do? Write my senator. >> What can he do? But I tell you what, it might not be a bad idea to write to the president of the company that made the stereo set. >> You're kidding. >> Oh, well, right in this newspaper here, there's an article, um, you know, one of those consumer columns about a guy who bought a car. Uh, it was a lemon. He told the salesman, he told the manager, he told the maintenance people. Nothing. The car is still a lemon. So, he wrote a letter to the president of the company that makes a car and it's beautiful. Oh, here. See, um, he says what a great company it is and how he's sure the president would like to be told about a dissatisfied customer. >> I'll bet he was overjoyed. >> And then he gets right down to the facts. Says where he bought the car, when he bought it, and what's wrong with it. It's really good. >> Yeah, it's not bad. >> And then he says who he complained to and what they did or didn't do. And then he winds up by saying what he thinks the president ought to do to make him happy. >> What did the president do? >> Gave the guy a new car, the article says. >> Wow. >> I'll bet that's something that doesn't happen every day. >> Well, you can always call the attorney general's office if you really get ripped off. But listen, talk to the manager first. >> Look, don't think I don't appreciate your help, but everybody's bound to get stuck with a lemon once in a while. You might as well grin and kiss your money goodbye. Right, Jenny? >> I don't think you'll hear Henry cheering that sentiment. >> Not me, Jenny. I've got enough problems I can't help. And I'm not about to ignore the ones I can. Maybe you all don't have trouble stretching these two bit dollars we get on the paycheck. But >> look, I don't know anybody who isn't worried about their paycheck and how far it'll go these days. I was just saying >> I want to know how to keep from getting ripped off every time I get a nickel in my pocket. I mean, I want to know something that works all the time. >> Henry, I have bad news for you. There's no such thing. I've been having trouble with landlords and butchers and department stores and auto mechanics and whatnot before most of you were born. And I usually got what was coming to me. But there's one thing I know for sure. There is no one way to make your complaint work every time. >> All right, that's the bad news. Now, what's the good news? >> Well, you've been hearing it. Shop sensibly. Um, read your warranty if you have one. Um, when you go to make a complaint, tell them straight out what's wrong and what you want done with it and start with a salesman and go right up the line. All the things you've been saying, they don't work every time, but they make a lot of sense. >> No offense, Jenny, but what you're saying sounds like a lot of old folk wisdom to me. About the only one you forgot was a stitch in time saves nine. >> Am I going to have trouble with you, Walters? >> No, ma'am. But uh I've tried those things and uh I've still got a sour stereo. Come to think about it, I do know one thing that works every time. When you buy something and it doesn't work, complain. When you when you hire somebody to to do a job or or or you sign a lease with a landlord and he doesn't live up to his side of the bargain, get up on your hind legs and tell him you don't like it. >> Don't wait for John Wayne and the United States Cavalry to rescue you. Complain. >> I did. You quit. >> Now, Jenny, >> that's exactly what he did. He quit. He made a complaint to a salesman. He got nowhere, so he quit. He would rather pay 20 or $30 just so he won't have to pick up a phone and call the store manager. He quit. >> You're talking an awful lot. >> Look, I kept quiet all the time you were talking about your no-fly stereo. I didn't say a word, but now you got me started. Walter Wimple, you go to that telephone and you call the manager and don't come back here until you get some satisfaction. Now get >> I like you, Jenny, but you sure aren't a nice, quiet old lady. >> You know, Jenny, you're one bad old lady. >> Don't flatter me, Henry. >> Hi. Yeah, I want to talk to the manager. Do you think he'll get a new stereo? >> Maybe. At least he'll let him know. There. What did I tell you? If it doesn't work, complain. [Applause] [Music]