Farewell to Birdie McKeever

good morning to tyler [Music] [Applause] good morning mr flint good morning mr standish [Music] [Applause] good morning mr aurora [Music] mr william miss calhoun yes sir where's my secretary oh i was going to tell you sir miss lavell and call to say she isn't feeling well i won't be in today not feeling well when i engaged miss lewellen 18 years ago she assured me she was in perfect health yes sir i guess we all make mistakes now and then oh well under the circumstances i'll have to ask you to type a letter for me well i'll try to fit it in mr tyler but i have letters to type for mr standish oh never mind oh uh uh what's the name of that uh young lady at the reception desk thank you miss calhoun miss mckeever miss mckeever ms [Music] hello hello [Music] hello [Music] hello [Music] miss mckeever no no no no oh mr tyler am i glad to see you somebody's been calling my name on this thing and i couldn't it was i who was calling you miss mckeever well then it doesn't matter because you're here so i am i want you to type this letter for me miss mckeever in triplicate when you finish just put it on my desk [Applause] triplicate triplicates [Music] [Music] impossible [Music] you're a real gentleman mr tyler i can see that but there's no need to stand on my account [Music] [Applause] flint standish o'rourke o'rourke standish flint [Applause] sit down gently are you aware that the firm of tyler flint standish on the road a firm noted for its thoroughgoing efficiency down the smallest detail has in its employee a young woman who can type only seven words per minute are you [Applause] who is she the young lady i refer to occupies the reception desk in our outer office miss mckeever miss birdie mckeever oh come come now gentlemen one of you must know this miss mckeever because one of you must have hired her well not i know me o'rourke you ought to know me better than that tyler i wouldn't hire a girl who could type only seven words a minute even if she is irish well we better ask young lady yourself i think i'd better go get her short words too first of all miss mckeever just how long have you been working here it'll be a year next month that's the longest i've worked anywhere well i can understand that now uh do you recall just who it was who hired you well uh nobody hired me uh in the proper sense of the word oh no surely well you see the way it all happened was that my girlfriend mercedes mcnutt nut the name sounds familiar of course i hired her myself two years ago excellent girl and as true a friend as you'd find anywhere yes yes no doubt but how well sir uh just a year ago next month mercedes grandmother died up in poughkeepsie and mercedes had already had her vacation and she didn't like to ask for more time off so she asked me if i'd sit in for a while she was gone she said there was nothing to it all i'd have to do was say good morning mr tyler good morning mr flint good morning mr standish and good morning mr o'rourke and answer the phone a few times as simple as that eh yes sir and that's the way it's been too up until this morning that is you know it was a real surprise to me when you brought me that letter to type it must have been well i don't apologize i was just glad to help out well thank you but if you don't mind my asking uh just what became of this miss mcnutt well it was after the funeral she met this young man and they got married and uh i said i'd sort of uh sit in for her until she got back so you just stayed on yes sir and i haven't minded it one bit really i haven't so don't you worry yourself over that uh miss mckeever as the treasurer of this firm there's one thing in particular that that i'm curious about how have you been paid i just signed a little blue slip and my checks come through just as nice as you please oh i see uh i think miss mckeever that will be all for now yes sir well it was a real pleasure talking to all of you gentlemen she will of course have to be dismissed you know though as receptionist she isn't called upon to do much typing what i mean is she she was here nearly a year before the occasion arose ah but it did arise well yes you are then well that's that you'll give a her notice i suppose i well it was you who brought the matter up in the first place and and you are the senior partner well i fail to see what that has to do with it who's going to tell her well i i i had thought that i would turn the matter over to whichever one of you hired her however now wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute uh o'rourke in the first place hired miss mcnutt so indirectly he's responsible exactly but i nonsense you're the logical one florida o'rourke i shall count on you speaking to miss mckeever first thing in the morning [Music] well good morning mr o'rourke aren't you the early bird though well the fact is miss mckeever i wondered if i could have a word with you i can't think of anything i'd enjoy more of course if you're too busy oh bless you know to tell the honest truth it's many a day when i'm hard put to keep myself occupied till it's time to go home oh if you don't mind my saying so mr o'rourke you're looking very fit this morning that's a new tie isn't it oh yes yes it is uh do you like it indeed i do now there's a color that really does you justice well i'm glad you think so uh personally i don't care much for green but in this case i have to wear it my wife gave it to me for our anniversary it is well congratulations mr o'rourke thank you mr keeper how long have you been married uh well let me see now uh uh it was 12 years ago yesterday uh no no no no 11. i never do remember exactly you're a lucky man mr o'rourke it's a sign of true love when a wife picks out a tie that looks so well on her husband it is oh yes indeed a sure sign i'll have to tell margaret that don't tell me your wife's name is margaret why yes that was my own dear mother's name rest her soul from county court she was is that a fact my father came from cork of course that was a good many years ago well it's no denying it's a small world oh goodness look at the time here i am going on like the chatterbox i am and i haven't even got this nail sorted well it was grand talking to you mr o'rourke you just stopped by here [Music] you anytime to stand there and tell me that you didn't inform miss mckeever that she's leaving well the fact of the matter is this may take a little more time than we had thought time time what do you mean what's so difficult about telling an employee that their services are no longer required done every day yeah i know i know it sounds easy when you say it but well i can't deny that i'm disappointed in you rook i'm afraid i have no choice but to turn the entire matter over to standish who me precisely i shall count on you to speak to miss mckeever in the morning [Music] good morning mr standish how are you today fine fine just fine i'm glad to hear that miss mckeever are you quite happy working for us why mr standish how thoughtful of you to ask me but don't you worry now i wouldn't dream of working anywhere but here you wouldn't oh bless you no i'd be an ungrateful fool if i did after all the kindness you gentlemen have showed me yes well oh something fell out of your pocket there what oh oh dear me i forgot all about this young jackie asked me to mail it it's some box tops he's sending in for an atomic decoding ring some such thing you know how boys are you have a son i didn't know that oh my yes i have three well isn't that grand you wouldn't happen to have a picture of them would you well as a matter of fact i do just happen to have a couple of snapshots you have yes here those were taken at camp last summer this was out in front of our house and these were these were at lake of potawatomi we go there for a few weeks every summer oh what fine husky lads they are and each one the spitting image of his father you do think they look like me you can ask that why i'd know them anywhere for yours oh really funny thing is most people think that ronnie here he's the one in the middle favors his mother's side of the family well of course i don't know your wife but there's no mistaking the set of that chin and around the eyes here but that young man is his father all over again well this is interesting that's exactly the way i felt about it but of course i always try to avoid arguments with my in-laws well it's a strange thing about people's opinions i mean everybody sees things from their own personal viewpoint now take color for instance you know you've heard how some people are color blind and there's so many times when two people don't agree that two things are the same shade or color now for instance what color would you say my eyes were oh well gray sort of greenish gray there you see my boyfriend thinks they're hazel so you see it's all a matter of opinion hazel [Music] good morning mr tyler standish do you realize what a spectacle you were making of yourself when i stepped through that door you leaning across miss mckeever's desk gazing into her eyes like a like a silly goggle-like schoolboy what was it really that bad worse much worse and on top of all that miss mckeever still has not been informed of her dismissal what in the world has happened to this firm we have hired and fired a good many people since we started in business and now faced with a simple clear-cut task of discharging a highly inefficient young woman you and o'rourke [Music] flint yes sir do you think that you could face the formidable miss mckeever and tell her in plain unmistakable english that she is fired well i i don't see why not very well and i shall count upon you to speak to miss mckeever first thing in the morning and this time i want results [Music] why mr flynn i do declare i never saw such gentlemen for getting to work at the crack of dawn it's no wonder you've made a success of things uh miss mckeever i shall be brief all right sir you must realize that i i speak not for myself alone but for the entire firm of tyler flint standish and o'rourke that must be a dreadful big responsibility oh well it's not uh it is and um we want you to know miss mckeever that we uh all of us that is tyler and standish and o'rourke and myself flint um we are not unappreciative of the fact that you have been with us for nearly a year of course although your your association with the firm came about somewhat by accident uh we still assume we definitely assume that you have served us to the best of your ability please mr flint don't go on i beg your pardon if it's a razor after giving me i can't let you do it oh mr keivers you don't understand i understand that you're the dearest kindest gentleman in all the world and it's exactly because of that that i wouldn't feel right in letting you pay me any more money i get along very nicely on what i make now and i'm making every cent of what i'm worth maybe more now nobody knows that better than i well i i don't know what to say i just want you to thank the rest of the gentleman for their kind thoughts and tell them that i couldn't accept a raise that will certainly come as a great surprise to them i'm sure they'll see it my way if you'll just explain would you turn this way a bit pardon me just what i thought you're gonna lose that button before the day is out if it isn't sewed on tight oh i didn't see that i don't have to drop by the tails why you'll do no such thing oh no no really no i couldn't let you do that thank you very much i can have it fixed in less time than it takes to argue about it now you just come right here right here that's very kind of i guess that's what comes of being a bachelor huh you a bachelor well now that's hard to believe seems to me that some nice woman would have set her cap a long time ago for a fine looking gentleman like yourself i was engaged at one time her name was emily but she married someone else no why the poor dear lady must have lost hold of her senses you know she seemed to know what she was doing all right he was a very dashing fellow a furniture salesman a poor choice if you ask me i'll bet she regrets it to this day well i don't know about that there now that button won't come off for a good long while well i don't know how to thank you there's no trouble at all yeah you know it it's very uh the the subject of emily coming up just now because you see she became a widow about two years ago and it occurred to me just lately that um it might not be out of place for me to call on her at any rate i don't think you should have a doubt in the world yeah after all we were friends as i said and of course now we're we're a little older and a little wiser and and i just say we could let bygones be bygones and which thing of course you could well i think it's a crying shame to let the poor dear lady sit there all alone well of course she's not exactly alone she has four children ah it's not the same it's not the same thing at all you think i should get in touch with it i think it's the only friendly decent thing to do you're right by george you're right i'm going to call on it this very minute who knows i might even ask her to lunch [Music] [Applause] [Music] standing have you tried to reach flint again miss carlhoon has been calling us home all day but there's no answer the coward i i i suppose this miss mckeever is left for the day oh no i don't think so she she doesn't usually leave till five very well i guess there is only one way to settle this thing it was so nice of you to ask me out to dinner not at all i i i think it's usually easier to talk in a congenial atmosphere nothing like a good meal to loosen the tongue well you're so right i've been trying to get up the courage to tell you or one of the other gentlemen for over a week now but i just couldn't find the heart to do it well i i don't think i quite follow you well i might as well come right out with it sir the bare fact of the matter is sir that i'll have to be leaving you very soon oh it isn't that i'm ungrateful or dissatisfied it's just that tim and i are going to be married a week from next thursday well i just can't believe it i was afraid you'd take it pretty hard but don't you worry now sir i'm sure everything will work out for the best [Music] good morning gentlemen oh hello well sit down gentlemen i am glad to report that after this week miss mckeever will no longer be with us ah you told her if you don't mind my asking tyler just how did you finally break it to her firmness of purpose naturally keep your goal in sight let nothing stand in your way i uh must admit however that my task was made somewhat easier by the fact that miss mckeever is planning to be married shortly no isn't that nice well i hope he's good enough for her yes well that brings me to another matter i'd like to discuss with you in view of the fact that miss mckeever will have been with us for nearly a year i thought perhaps it would be uh appropriate for us to present her with a parting gift oh by all means count me in oh very well and we're all agreed now it occurred to me that a suitable gift might be a hundred dollars and a watch on spending splendid a hundred dollars in this lovely watch to bernie mckeever may all the minutes in your life be joyous ones t f s and o tyler flynn standish and o'rourke we just want you to be very happy indeed we do we all wish you the best that goes for me and emily too wait till tim hears about this i think i'm gonna cry no no no none of that now thank you well you gentlemen will be glad to know that your kindness hasn't gone unrewarded i've got a good piece of news for you but i've been saving to the last well out with it has followed me sister siri well i talked to my sister peggy last night and it's all settled she's agreed to take my place with you after i've left you your sister you say yes sir that's right my sister peggy of course she hasn't quite my knack for typing and and such office matters is that but she's as sweet and honest as the day is long and i know you're all gonna love her she'll be here any minute uh really miss mckeever you shouldn't have now mr tyler don't you bother thanking me well my goodness that was the least i could do this is absurd absurd it's impossible it's a fine fiddle of kiss kettle of fish her knack for type look you've got to block this to me now for once let's keep calm very simple matter who just refused to see the young lady but we certainly have the privilege of hiring whom we want uh one of one of you boys uh call the employment agency immediately and warn them that if they don't send us the most efficient girl that they can find we we'll soon sue them yes you tell ms mckeever when her sister comes to send her home we've already hired someone we've already had yes a gentleman my sister peggy is here now just a minute miss mckeefer we're not peggy [Music] [Applause] wow come here come in right right this way [Music] oh this is mr tyler and mr o'rourke mr standish how do you do it and i'm i'm mr flint flint here oh of course certainly [Music] well miss mckeema hey glad you're here oh no thank you i never smoke on the job very nice of birdie to refer you to us in this essence i think you like our office here boys there's practically nothing to do i mean you get the knack of it right away well gentlemen i think it's very kind of you to consider me for the position but i must tell you that i've had very little experience it doesn't matter what little you have to learn that birdie will teach you in no time at all you'll find it's very easy when would you like me to start well uh right now if it's all right with you as a matter of fact i uh i i thought it would be nice if we had lunch together not a bad idea boy just a minute i'll get my hat here shall we go by all means [Music] but miss mckeever if anybody calls we're at lunch [Music] aren't they wonderful i knew they'd like her right away you