Family Talks About Sex (1977)

[Music] this is my wife Beth and this is my husband Jim and these are our two children Sarah and Paul this movie is about talking with your kids about sex and the truth is we're doing that all the time with our kids even if we have our mouths shut the way we hold the children how we caress them or kiss them that's telling them something about the way we feel about each other we show them that showing love is a good thing that's one kind of talking about sex and it goes on all the time the other kind is talking with words what's that your toe what's that your nose what's that your penis what's that your ear what's that my nose kids are interested in their bodies and they're just as interested in the sexual parts as any other parts there's no point in acting funny about the sexual parts calling them by cute names or not talking about them at all that would just draw the kids attention to them make them feel they're different somehow and maybe something to be ashamed of what's that thing Paul has that's his penis you have one too A big one that's right all men and boys have a penis what's it for what do you think it's for it's how he goes to the bathroom mhm he urinates to his penis why is he different from me because boys and girls bodies are made differently you have things that boys don't have what kind of things well there's a special place inside you where babies can grow it's called the uterus only girls can have babies you know can I have a baby you can when you grow up sweetheart if you want to [Music] whenever I see the kids playing with their genitals it bothers me I know it's normal and it won't do any harm but it still bothers me so I find them something else to do Paul you help me make the bed please okay of course if he does it in public rules have to be laid down Paul do you have to go to the bathroom then stop that please Paul you mustn't play with your penis when you're in a place where people can see you why because it bothers other people to see you doing it it feels good uh-huh but it's not something you do in public it's just not good manners okay okay a child has a right to some privacy so if Paul wants to play with himself in bed when he's alone I'm not going to stop him but we have to teach him some rules such as not doing in public so we can learn to respect other people's privacy too speaking of privacy [Music] what's the matter I want to drink water go back to your room I'll bring you [Music] one I've got to get a bigger house with thick walls and heavy doors with big locks on [Music] them don't you want it no is something wrong Sarah Sarah you mustn't come into our room like that without knocking but I heard noises it sounded like you and Daddy were fighting was Daddy hurting you no honey daddy wasn't hurting me and we weren't fighting we were playing and feeling lots of love for each other you go to sleep now and please don't come into our bedroom when the door is closed without knocking good night baby we love [Music] you Sarah and Paul are growing up and Beth's pregnant Mommy why are you getting so fat because she's going to have a baby is it inside you that's right come and put your hand here you can feel it mve feel it is it in your stomach no it's growing in a special place called the uterus how big is the baby going to get about this big how's it going to get out there's an opening between my legs called the vagina it gets out through there how how it's just a little opening now Paul but when the baby's ready to be born it'll stretch big enough for him to get out is the baby going to be a boy we don't know that yet Paul we won't know until it's [Music] born that satisfied Paul for the time being there's no point telling him more than he wants to know or more than he's ready to understand Sarah didn't even look interested I guess she figured she knows a lot more about babies than a little kid like Paul but the words weren't wasted on her one of the good things about talking to the kids about sex is that the content what you tell them is only part of the value of it the very fact you're talking about sex is important too because that lets the kids know that it's a subject that's okay to talk about you're telling them that they can talk about it too and ask questions which they usually will do usually at the wrong time Mommy I understand how the baby gets out of you but how does it get in now why is that such a hard question to answer I guess it's because our heads are full of emotions what all Sarah wants to know is how something works so the trick is to try to see the question and Sarah sees it and to give her a straightforward answer in her own terms and forget about the emotions that's not what Sarah's interested in now and we can wait until we get out of the restaurant Sarah the baby started inside of me as a tiny egg it's made by my body is it like a chicken egg no no it doesn't have a hard shell and it's much smaller it's as small as the point of a pin it's one cell big and a person's body is made up of millions and millions of cells but that egg cell Sarah won't grow into a baby unless it's joined by another cell a special kind of cell called a sperm cell and the sperm cell can only come from the father how does the father get the sperm cell into the mother the father puts his penis into the mother's vagina you know what that is yes the sperm cell goes out of his penis into the place where the egg cell is so you see it takes a mother and a father both to start a baby growing can me your watch the next time you do it no your mother and I want to be alone when we do that is that what all the kids call screwing yes but that's not the real name for it the real name is sexual intercourse sometimes you wonder if it's a mistake telling your kids about sex wouldn't it be better just to let them stay Innocent but realistically you know they're going to find out about sex somewhere whether you tell them or not and there are advantages to our telling them and not necessarily that we think we can tell them better than someone else the point is we want to be able to talk about sex in our family because we feel if we can do that our children will grow up understanding that sex is a normal part of them and it doesn't matter if we're a little bit embarrassed sometimes or if we don't have all the answers the important thing is that we keep an open attitude toward the subject and the kids see that we [Music] do [ __ ] what did you say nothing do you know what that word means it means you're mad why do I have to do my homework now people sometimes use that word when they're mad Sarah but what does it mean does it mean what comes out when you have a bowel movement I guess so that's what it means is that what you wanted to say I just want to let you know I was mad well next time find another way to do it please I don't like to hear you use that word it's not elegant yes daddy sometimes the kids use a bad word just to check and see what it means and see what effect it has they see what effect it has you tell them what it means and you let them know it's not a word you like to hear them use if they didn't hear some of your language it might be easier to convince them I'll try to be more careful now Sarah's wondering when she's going to grow up [Music] mama when am I going to start having my period different girls start at different times Sarah some start pretty young others older I was about 13 when I started maybe you'll take after me does it hurt oh some women feel bad when they're menstrating or just before I've been pretty lucky I usually we feel fine hey don't worry about it do you think I should start carrying one of those things you showed me in case it happens when I'm at school you mean a sanitary pad or a tampon sure why don't you put one in your locker I still think it's early for you but it wouldn't be a bad idea to be ready I think I [Music] will Mama when are my breast going to get bigger I suppose one of the most important reasons for talking frankly with your children about sex from the beginning is that by the time they reach puberty and there are things they have to know they're not afraid to ask you about them and you're not afraid to tell them and also the kids will have a lot of the important information in mind so it won't come as such a big shock to them when their bodies do start to change Sarah already understands how menstration works of course I'll tell her again to make sure she understands do you understand it I do now but I didn't when she first started asking me questions can you believe it I was past 30 and I didn't really know what was going on inside my own body I had to read a book to find out Sarah could read it in a book too sure and see it in a movie and hear it from her teachers and so on and that's good but I want to tell her too Mama it started what started huh my period right after ancient history I was lucky I was ready and I was lucky I was near the girls room too mama why does there have to be blood the blood comes from the lining of the uterus Sarah it's there because the egg needs nourishment you know it's not like you were caught or hurt in any way the blood is perfectly normal I know will it happen every month probably not at the start the start it's likely to be regular now you mustn't worry if hey that's mine yours yes I'm having my period what's a period what do you mean having a period having a period it's like having babies you're not old enough to have babies having a your period isn't the same as having babies po haven't I told you how it works yeah but I forgot it's all girl stuff anyhow now let me tell you again about once every month an egg cell is produced in the ovaries in a woman's body and if the egg isn't fertilized by a sperm sell from a man it won't grow is it all girl stuff not really Paul will be dealing with females for the rest of his life it's important for him to understand something about how their bodies work as well as about his own Mama do you think I should stop being friends with Karen Jacobs why should you stop being friends with her well maybe you wouldn't want me to have anything to do with her anymore why not well the crowd she goes with now is kind of fast some of them are having sex with each other Karen's having sex with her boyfriend how do you know she told me do you believe her yeah do you think I should stop being friends with her do you think you should stop being friends with Karen I don't know I still like her but but do you think she's old enough to be having sex well here it is after all it's a new generation isn't it everyone's in love with youth and whatever youth does goes Senior High Junior High there a temptation to say sure it's up to her whatever she wants but that's not what I believe no I don't think she's old enough I don't think she's old enough to really understand what it means and what might happen what do you think I don't think she's old enough either her birthday is just three months before mine is and I'm not old enough am I no you're not I don't think so either I'm still going to be friends with her but I think Karen's [Music] crazy Paul's growing and changing in lots of ways but developing an interest in housekeeping isn't one of them you're making up your bed what's wrong with that nothing it's a miracle mom why are you always buggy me Paul I'm not what's the matter oh nothing I had another wet dream but Paul you know there's nothing wrong with that we've talked about that before and you know it's perfectly normal I know we've talked about it and I know it's normal I just didn't want you to see okay I didn't see [Music] it's not easy talking with adolescents they're half kids half adults they want to be treated like adults they want to be treated like kids at the same time it makes conversation difficult also the fact that the kids are developing sexually makes it harder you worry more about them you want to protect them just at a time when half of the child doesn't want to be protected at all it's a good time to have a backlog of confidence built up between you and your children it makes Contin communication at least [Music] possible hi Mom Linda's invited me to her house for the weekend she and her brother are going to have a real big party can I go Sarah's all grown up at least that's what she tells me may I go who's going to be at the party all the kids girls and boys of course mom what do you think will Linda's parents be there no just the kids her mother and father have to go off somewhere for the weekend that's why we've got the house no grown-ups mother what do you think I am don't you trust me at all I'm 15 years old all the other kids are going their parents don't mind I do trust you but I don't want you to go if there aren't going to be any grown-ups there mother that isn't fair you're treating me like a baby what do I tell all the other kids tell them your mother wouldn't let you go you think Sarah really wanted to go to that party I don't know I think she did maybe or maybe she just wanted to have you as an excuse to get out of something that scared her a little bit the kids scream for freedom but they worry if you don't lay down some rules the thing is we don't always have the final say anymore I can keep Sarah home from that party but I can't can't keep her from doing the things she wants to do in the long run that's right all you can do is let her know what you want for her and why yeah I've got to tell her what I think about things if I don't then I'm cheating her and I'm cheating myself I guess I shouldn't have cleaned out the garage the magazines were pornographic and well th I inspected them carefully and wondered what to do I could have kept my mouth shut I don't know if pornography really corrupts and I don't think that masturbation is something that can be normally shut off then why did you say anything at all because I didn't like to think of him sitting out there with those things with the door closed all by himself so I told him what did you do with them I put them back they're still out there where did you get them a kid gave them to me no he and I paid for them did you look at them sure it' be hard not to yeah do you masturbate when you look at those pictures sometimes will that hurt me dad no everyone masturbates sometimes yes did you see the size of the penises on some of those guys when's my penis going to grow different people grow at different times I didn't start developing until I was 14 or 15 don't worry you'll grow yeah you know those magazines they make sex look kind of dirty yes they do that SE isn't supposed to be dirty was it Dad no it's not why didn't you throw them away they're yours yeah I guess I'll thr them away I was getting sort of tired of them anyhow okay do you think I could sell them to somebody else what do you think no I guess I better not [Music] why'd you have to clean out the garage Dad I would have thrown them out anyway Sarah's a young lady now and full of surprises Mom if I asked you would you get me some pills what kind of pills birth control pills contraceptives what do you want them for Mom that's a pretty dumb question maybe it is what do you want them for I don't want to get pregnant good for you I don't want you to get pregnant either then will you get me some pills no no pills no diaphram nothing Mom that's a very foolish attitude maybe it is but that's how I feel my attitude is if you're old enough to need the pills you're old enough to get them yourself no pills not from me I'm not depriving you there are places you can go get them you have an allowance you can save up you don't mean that no I don't not really I'd rather get them from you I know you would you want me to tell you it's okay that's right I can't I'm glad you know that you should use contraceptives if you're going to have sexual intercourse but you know there's more to sex than that and I can't can't tell you to go ahead I didn't think you could you know me pretty well don't you you know me pretty well I think I do Sarah you do no pills not now anyhow [Music] well that's okay for this time but it's not over it's going to keep coming back and I'm going to keep doing my best to help Sarah make what I think are wise choices for the right reasons but the choices have to be hers if they're going to make any real difference and now Paul's a young man complete with a steady girlfriend and a highly developed sense of always being right Harriet father called for me no for me what did he want he's concerned about Harriet well he was very nice he likes you but he seems to have reason to think that you and Harriet have been getting into a very heavy kind of petting he told you that has he been spying on us doesn't he trust his own daughter I don't know I don't know what he's been doing and I don't don't know who he trusts look what Harriet and I do is our own business if we want to have sex together then that's our business too is it yes it is what's the big deal everybody else is doing it are they even if they are everybody else isn't you what do you want me to be some kind of Saint I want you to have respect for Harriet I don't want you to do anything to hurt her it's not the same as it was in your day Dad girls don't have to take any more risks now than boys do they've got the pill now and they've got abortions it's all evened out well you think abortion isn't a risk they do them in hospitals now dad not on kitchen tables Where Have You Been are you in love with Harriet sure and she's in love with me and you don't want to do anything to hurt her do you of course I don't I just want to make her happy but she expect SE it as much as I do Dad look I never said we're having sex together okay but just remember whatever it is you're having or whatever it is you're not having you have responsibilities you have responsibilities to yourself to me to your family to the girl to her parents and you're old enough to worry about what comes next and accept all the responsibilities is that asking too much no I guess not but don't you know that's what I do anyhow would you I guess you would I hope you will Sarah's started college a very lovely girl if I do say so myself and it seems I'm not her only admirer mom Gordon's asked me to marry him he has what did you say nothing I haven't decided yet I wanted to talk to you first what do you think I should do you like Gordon don't you oh yes I like him do you think we'd be happy together I don't know you're both very young I'm 19 I know you are you're both very young marriage can be wonderful Sarah but it can bring problems too and you'd both have to be ready for them you wouldn't have enough money you might have to quit school we couldn't help you out much I know what are you going to do I don't know I love him but I I don't know we don't know either the decision can only be hers we just hope we've done all we can to give her the basis for making a decision that'll be right for her I hope you don't think that all we talk about in this family is sex or that we just go from one crisis to another that's all you've seen because that's what this movie's about of course sex is just one of the things a family talks about the point point is it needs to be one of those things and we've tried to talk about it honestly with our children we've tried to keep in mind from the beginning that what children are people too no better and no worse than grown-up people and we've tried not to give them cliches or words out of textbooks what we believe guides what we say and how we say it but we realize it's all person to person and that each person is different and of course nothing is final the talk goes on and we've tried to listen as well as talk we think they'll turn out fine we hope so [Music]