Beginning Of Wisdom (1965)

I'm sorry Glenn I'm uh really sincerely sorry look this over again if you honestly  feel it deserves a passing grade let's talk about it some more no Professor I I'm sure  you're right you know this is the second test that you failed this semester one more like  it and you won't even pass the course you know yourself that if you fail philosophy  they'll never graduate you in June what's happened is something that matter Glenn you're  one of my best students Glenn Maybe you're the best I know you could pass it if you just applied  yourself thank you sir don't you want [Music] this [Music] [Applause] well what grade did  you get I flun oh Glen well after all the time you put in hitting the  books look uh I'm going to go on up to my room now well is there  anything I can do no Judy it's [Applause] nothing Doug I just don't understand how he  could have flunked I mean he stayed up every night studying to pass this exam sometimes  till 2:00 in the morning yeah but you know some something I'd watch him sometimes I could see  his mind wasn't on it he was way off somewhere I just don't understand it neither do I and it's  not just his school workor it's everything you ought to see him around here he's acting like some  kind of a creep you know sitting by himself and staring off into space half the time I know he's  been that way with me too do you think it could have anything to do with his father's death  oh but that happened 6 6 months ago 6 months it wouldn't make sense maybe it would come on  now a period of morning is one thing but this his mother died when he was little didn't she yeah  and Glenn was an only child well just imagine how close that must have brought him to his father  you know probably closer than you or I ever realized [Music] I uh just want to tell you uh Judy  still downstairs she's waiting for you Doug would would you make up some  excuse for me I'm not up to talking to anyone right now Judy's not just anyone  she's your girl remember would you tell her I'm sorry tell her off phone or later tell  her anything please Doug okay Glenn [Music] [Music] okay where's Glenn still up in the room he  said he'd call you oh he's in bad shape Judy real bad when I walked into the room he was  just sitting there and staring at his dad's picture looks like you were right this has  probably been on his mind all this time oh Doug we've got to help him outside of you  and me is there anyone that he confides in got lots of friends mostly guys here  in the house no one that close though no well is there anyone who knew his father  I mean knew him well hey wait a sec the pastor here on campus uh Pastor Howard Glenn  used to be real friendly with him a couple of years ago belonged to his congregation  in fact I I think he came from Glenn's Hometown well yes I knew Glenn's father quite  well as a matter of fact he was a member of my congregation back in Marston and uh he was a  model member I might add Pastor do you think Mr Barrow's death could be tied up with what's  happened to Glenn I'm in the way he's retreated and stopped caring about everything yes it could  H I know one thing his father's death came as a shattering blow to him but Glenn hardly seemed any  different after it happened he didn't start to act this way till the last month or so well that's the  way some people respond to grief you know Delayed Reaction I guess his emotions have been eating  at him constantly and now everything's beginning to take its toll it's as though he's punishing  himself as though he enjoys being miserable why would he feel like that well I can't say unless  there's an element of guilt mixed in with his grief what she got to feel guilty about well  shortly after Mr Barrow died I visited Glenn to offer consolation and we talked and he told me  what happened that day just before his father died on the operating table and it seems that Mr Barrow  insisted even then on discussing Glenn's attitude toward religion well they had uh well I guess you  could only call it a sort of argument even though Glenn tried to calm him keep him from talking  about it you mean that uh religion meant that much to Mr barrows or so much that it it was  on his mind at a time like that yes it meant that much to him he was a about Christian and he  was strong in the face of death because of his faith in Christ and he wanted to make sure that  Glenn had that same Faith but you said something about guilt yes I suspect that in some strange  way Glenn feels responsible for his father's death well what did Doug and Judy tell you he  told me you were gloomy despondent stopped taking interest in your studies Glenn you may think  I'm getting a little too personal but what I'd like to know is this have you at any time ever  felt as though you helped cause your father's death why do you ask that well I thought  perhaps you thought the excitement caused by the argument you had with they might  have harmed him in some way and led to his death oh what difference does it  make he's dead nothing's going to change that yes but you're alive and  he wanted you to be happy make the most of your life instead you're going  around acting as though you're dead yourself maybe maybe if he hadn't gotten so  excited he he he might have pulled through I don't know well I do I phoned the man who  performed the operation an hour ago you called Dr Ramsey in marlston and I asked him  Point Blank if any emotional upset your father might have experienced could have affected the  outcome what did he say he gave me a positive no nothing could have changed what happened it  would have been the same if he'd been perfectly calm I see so you can put your  mind at rest on that score at rest something else bothering you isn't it the one thing that my father wanted  from me I refused him on his deathbed he wanted me to be a Christian and  I threw Christianity right in his face and that's all that I've  been able to think of ever s i I've tried to believe as he did I  tried but I I can't I I don't believe I I did believe once but I don't now I see I  see all my life I went to church and then I came here and started reading books by people I  I'd never known before people like MC tager and SRA lametra I was exposed to ideas that that  I'd never heard of before I didn't exactly accept their way of thinking but well they did  start me to to wonder wonder about about God and Christianity and whether it makes any sense to  be a Christian today or or whether it ever did make any sense I take it you uh your conclusion  was completely negative I haven't reached any conclusion I know I don't believe in what the  church taught me but I don't know what I do believe I don't know if I believe in anything  did Doug tell you what happened to me on the philosophy test yeah something happened  that never did before I couldn't think I couldn't put one single word down on paper  I I I was paralyzed if Dad was just here I'd have somebody to talk to at least you feel  lost without your father don't you well he was more than than a father to me he was  actually the best friend I had I could come to him with with anything that was on my  mind and he'd listen even if it was something that was completely against his grain and  when I told him how I felt about God like I just told you he didn't he didn't sh out he  just talked to me and we talked and talked for days not that not that the talking ever  led to any definite conclusion that wasn't important but we had something  between us that was so [Music] special wasn't anything he could exactly put into words but it was there it  was there and we both knew it [Music] well I guess there isn't much more to say I do  feel better though now that I've gotten it all out of my system well from what you've said it  seems to me that you but you nearly worshiped your father yeah I guess I did now he's gone  there's no one else in your life like him nothing not even God himself look I told you  I that you don't believe yes that must make it very difficult having nothing to believe in  leaves a void in your life I think void that's terribly hard to fill Glenn believe me Christ  could fill that void if you'd put your faith in I can't be a hypocrite look don't you see  how phony it would be if I used God as sort of a cure all for everything others have done the  same thing uh to start with anyway they didn't feel hypocritical a lot of people have turned to  God out of desperation and for no other reason and there's nothing to be ashamed of God's merciful  Glenn he won't be against you for that if you won't let God help you well who will is there  anything I can do yes uh Professor kmer these things you teach in your philosophy courses do  you really believe in them I uh I don't think I understand you well are these the things you  live by or is it just another course that you teach like someone else would teach uh math  or history or basket weaving well that's the first time that one of my students ever asked  me a question like that most of them aren't really that interested well it's important to me  and all right I'll uh try to give you an honest [Applause] answer yes Glenn I think I  do live by the things I teach well not all of them mind you you know trying  to abide by different philosophies 50 at least conflicting philosophies  would probably Drive Me Out of My Mind well do you have any strong feelings  about God Oh you mean do I believe in God yes Glen instead of putting me on the spot you  know an instructor is supposed to uh well remain objective teach the course and not impose his  own personal beliefs on his students but but you wouldn't be imposing sir because I'm asking you  I want to know well it uh just so happens that I'm an atheist to put it a little more precisely  I'm an atheistic existentialist how's that for a bit of academic mumbo jumbo huh I mean not that  I hold anything against those who think otherwise well doesn't it worry you worry yes my father  said that well people without God are sort of hollow inside oh I don't feel particularly Hollow  I don't want to refute what your father said I'm sure that he was a quite different person  from the kind of person I am with probably a set of totally different convictions then you  believe that man is everything and God is nothing I believe that we must work out our own Destinies  without any help or comfort from any higher [Music] [Applause] [Music] being oh you wait right here  I'll go on upstairs and get the notes oh no need to go upstairs let's just sit  out here a while such a nice night okay do you know anything about astronomy very very  little why well I never been able to tell the difference between the Big Dipper and the Little  Dipper one's bigger thank you Mr Galileo and here I thought you knew just about everything you  didn't mhm well I suppose that there are a few areas of knowledge that I haven't delved into no  really you're so much smarter than I am that's not true Judy yes it is and sometimes I wonder  what you see in a Dodo like me whoever said you were a Dodo I did just now well I say you're  not that makes it one against one now you want me to get dug down here to cast the deciding  vote no it's nicer this way just the two of us but really Glenn sometimes I feel so stupid  stupid what about about everything I know the kind of impression I create sometimes flighty  little co-ed superficial scatterbrained trouble is a lot of it's true Judy you're not acting  like a scatterbrain now and you never have but I feel so helpless you've been having  such a time of it and and what help have I been what could you do well I don't know but  something maybe if I were a different sort of person look I like you just the way you are  is that why you haven't tried to see me in so long I'll bet Doug had to talk you into it didn't he that's what I thought you know Glenn I don't  think I'm the right sort of girl for you no Judy no no really I think we're wrong for each other  we've had an awful lot of fun dating but when you gave me your PIN I guess I just started  thinking seriously about us getting married Judy I'm glad you did but I I just don't think  it would work Glenn you've been going through a crisis and I haven't been able to help you  at all and if we were married how would it be any different if something just as important  came up Judy you're being much too critical of yourself you seem to forget that I talked to the  pastor I talked to Professor Kemmer there wasn't anything either one of them can do and they're  two of the most intelligent people I know you are right about one thing though I have sort  of underrated you I haven't really given you credit for for having the the depth that you  really do have and well I I was wrong and I'm sorry Judy [Applause] I love you I want to marry  you now more than ever oh Glenn as far as what's been ailing me well I don't know if there is any  medicine for that I don't know if there ever will be you know what Professor ker says  about people being the answer to everything well I'm beginning to wonder  about that too I wonder if there is any answer you know something Judy I don't think  I'll ever be the same now that dad's gone Glenn why don't you try talking to Pastor Howard  again I know what you said before about him not being able to do anything but now you seem  different and it couldn't hurt to talk could it no I guess it couldn't [Music] hurt it seems to me what you're searching for and  your friends in Professor camer and me is some kind of U ultimate solution sort of super Panacea  really I'm sorry to disillusion you but uh you're not going to get that from from anyone on the  face of this [Applause] Earth yeah I guess I was pretty foolish to think I could oh no not really I  said on the face of this Earth that limits it you know see I believe that God can fill that void  within you in a way that no human being could ever do you know that sounds like something  my father said once even at the end he was so confident in God confident yes he said that  if it wasn't that he believed in God really believed that he wouldn't be able to lie there  and talk to me the way he did he'd be too too full of fear he'd be terrified of dying but in  instead he said that he was ready whenever the Lord wanted him because he was assured of the  Lord's love and forgiveness what else Glen he said that Christ was his anchor and my mothers and  that it was he that that gave them the strength that they needed when the first baby died and  he said that after my mother died that Christ was all all he had to hold on to for a long time  and that he wasn't afraid because Christ was with him and that the only person he was  afraid for was me well in the light of what's happened since he died I'd  say he had good reason to feel that way well what happens now Glenn well you've got a problem and it's a difficult  problem I assume you're going to continue trying to solve it yeah I'm going to try and just  how you do that is the question you turn to your um philosophy Professor again and uh well  he's a very bright fell I'm sure he'll have a lot of answers for you lot of isms and you  can take your Pi you see beside atheism and existentialism there's U oh those ideas I  presume you've already discarded but beside those there's U agnosticism and Hedonism and  they are all answers to human existence that aren't really answers at all there's only one  true answer Glenn and that's faith in God through Christ what if you don't believe you just  remember that your father believed and ask yourself why now remember he was able to  see death approaching without fear even with joy and hope because he knew that Beyond  Death there was for him something wonderful he knew that Christ was with waiting  for him because that was the savior's promise Christ assured your father not only  of the Forgiveness of his sins because of his death and Resurrection in his behalf but  also of an eternity of bliss with him in heaven in fact that is his Assurance  to anyone who will put his trust in him [Applause] I know how much your father loved  you Glenn now you just imagine a love a million times is deep and enduring and that's the way  your heavenly father loves you he loves you so much he gave his only son to die for you and  don't you think knowing that it's enough to go on you know you sound just like my father I only  hope I can have a faith as deep and beautiful as his Pastor I know how how convinced you are of  these things and and how committed you are to them and believe me I wish I could feel the same  way but I do know one thing I haven't been able to find anything to fill this this terrible  emptiness in anything that anyone's told me so well I'm I'm willing to open  my ears and my mind and my heart to anything you have to say if you think  it'll bring me the faith my father had [Music] well I'm glad to hear you say that  Glen now I think you're being very wise wise right now I I feel as if I don't know  a thing not a single thing you remind me of something I read or heard somewhere I  can't remember the words exactly but it ran something like the admission  of ignorance is the beginning of [Music] [Music] wisdom oh [Music] go