Anything For Kicks (1969)

hours a day I mean like hitchhiking all around and all kinds of stuff well we had an apartment in Vienna the whole summer but like we split and went to the beach quite a while seeing Ocean City was to go out and cop and in the afternoon we get hungry oh there's a place called the pizza parlor or something like that and uh we wait till these old ladies go in in order to scrape big pizza you know and they never eat the whole thing and they leave about half of it so as soon as they came out we'd go in and finish it and then during the day Panhandle you know anything to get money well I think we went down there with five dollars and stayed month and a half and then when we started doing skag that was it we asked what's it like and he says wow it's completely different from anything he ever did so we both looked at each other and said wow I wonder what it's like [Music] we had convinced ourselves that we we knew exactly what it was like but like really it wasn't like yeah it was nothing like it's hard to bury yourself because you don't know yourself everything is so vivid so real that you gotta even open your eyes to make sure that you had your eyes closed you feel really super heavy with junk I think it's real hard to move yeah you just don't you can't stop me this way you can walk but you just don't feel like it like after a shot you just where you are you stay most likely you just kind of nod out and you dream [Music] then we came back Donnie lived with me at my sister's for a little while and then he moved out and found a place to live at this Barn type place so then I moved over there and lived for a while and that's when things really went because I just said hell with it man I'm not working anymore I wanted to get off but I didn't know how to go about it I couldn't tell my parents well my parents had kicked me out I couldn't tell them because they before I left they said you know you'll end up as nothing and that's exactly what I ended up as nothing I didn't have anything I had the clothes that were on me and no money he ended up worse than when you left well I finally realized Donnie and I were completely honors goners and that's a lot of reason I kept on doing junk because I didn't have anything anymore I was in the bathroom at school and I hit up in school so I was sitting there and I nodded out and he came in the principal you know asked me what was wrong and I didn't hear him and you know it's couldn't hardly open my eyes or anything he must have hurt through somewhere that I've been doing drugs and so he called my mother and I found needles in his pocket but even then it's a funny thing how you don't want to believe these things so I didn't want anything to do with him if he was doing this and I didn't want to ask him the question because I wasn't sure whether these are the steps I should take or not because I didn't know what to do and so he called my mother and asked her to take me out to see a doctor so she took me to the hospital I was ruled down I didn't know what was happening too much and so the doors went shut and there I was for 10 weeks like I was kind of glad that Donnie was gone because when I finally got him out of my head and he was gone I didn't have him to you know think about I didn't have nothing to think about except myself he didn't care about anything when you really start doing junk a lot you don't care about anybody or anything the money thing goes up and you go down and then I started thinking about it and I said I'm just gonna kill myself that's it there's no there's no way out I think I'd rather just die than to go through life being a junkie I just took all the sleeping pills I just looked in the mirror and I said oh wow he really did it this time I just smiled and I just went to bed [Music] thinking about I know they're gone forever [Music] so many different people got it straight [Music] foreign [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] you better listen please [Music] you can't believe it's gonna hit home at any time I think this is one of the I think one of the greatest problems is the fact that nobody believes it's going to hit them and they don't believe it exists he doesn't understand the way you felt so I just shut up until he said something to me and sometimes we sit there in a half hour complete silence how can you talk to somebody about something that they know nothing about no I mean they were wrong when they when they told you don't take marijuana you'll end up in a gutter or don't take LSD because you'll end up in the gutter or don't take care of them because you'll end up in a gutter and you've taken pot and LSD and you know you don't you figure well maybe they were maybe they were screwing around with me about heroin it's illegal you know that was all that mattered we don't deal with whether it should be legal or not but whether or not the barrier in in of communication between parent and child is adding to the total problem of people using drugs how can you explain communicate to him when I can only guide him from my experience and you haven't had the experience no I didn't [Music] you're just