ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS: AN INSIDE VIEW

[Music] what do you think alcoholic synonymous is the place to go and you're thirsty I don't know for drinkers I guess I wouldn't know no I really don't know anything about alcohol well I gather they meet together to help they help the wios to be rehability a group type situation and it works for some people people are brainwashed it's close to religion I don't know if they people go for it well well they don't want you to drink or nothing that's what I got against them man I like to drink it ain't going to do you a bit of good unless you want to quit drinking you know you got to have to want to quit drinking if you you want to quit drinking you can't be AA and no must an AA except don't drink but uh you certainly begin to realize if you're going to get the program you got to go to the meetings That's Where It's At when I first went to a meeting um I felt so sorry for myself I could hardly Keep from Crying you know at the beginning I I I couldn't understand how 30 40 people together were laughing and showing signs of Happiness without alcohol they didn't know who I was they didn't know where I came from they could have cared less the only thing they cared about is wondering if I wanted to stop drinking they cared about that the only thing I was told by a friend of mine you have to listen shut my big mouth and listen they introduced me to everybody got me a cup of coffee sat me down and then the meeting started prior to coming to AA I would sit and I would drink and I would think about doing a lot of things but I would never get around to doing them for instance um I always I did want to travel and I would make one martini and think about going to England then I'd have a second martini and I'd think about going to France and then I would have a third martini and think about going to Italy and finally I'd end up going to bed cuz I couldn't stay awake any longer sometimes at meetings I hear someone say life is beautiful it's gorgeous I have never been so happy I'm so contented I fly around like a rep Peter Pan ammy and this this is nothing life some days it's one problem after the other but today they don't look as gigantic as they would if I was drinking let's say for instance workwise okay there's always competition where you work is there someone there smarter than you can you hold your job or you doing right or you're doing wrong and you have about yourself the whole thing is that you say hey I believe in me I trust myself and When You're Sober you have the heart to say hey I'm going to give it a go I'm going to give it a shot I got a chance at it and it's not important that I'm always right these are the things that I've learned since I've been over that it's not important that you being super duper man or something you can be just ordinary John you [Applause] know hey may I help you evening there's a West End Avenue group at 86th and West End the name of the group would that be the Bookshop at noon we got the workshop at 12:15 I'm Street that's right that's right around the corner give yourself chance to wash your face and have a cup of coffee and get there you don't want your husband to know don't you think he knows you drink all right if you don't want to drink anymore you don't have to you just got to do something about it m well you know but we're not talking about cleaning house we're talking about you're not drinking anymore but uh you belong at meetings alcoholic may I help you you take care and wish a lot of luck I'll be sure to go to the meeting okay my friend take care 30th okay I'll go to the map hold on I'll be right back e well I'm looking for it's E6 so it's probably near the yeah cuz she said she doesn't want to go through the park okay what numberers street numbers she didn't say we have Park West here's F I see it well you've had that that's past but the next one you don't have to take you can't do anything about the last one no well you're not a bad person that's not you're a sick person you want to be well person yeah well I wouldn't worry about that right now you're not going to die right now you're going to go to a meeting tonight right you said that you're going to look for work this afternoon okay and so why don't you take off a couple of hours now go around and look for a little work and then call us back in a couple of hours okay I'm glad you called Catherine okay try to eat something now will you do that give it a try Catherine okay okay bye-bye but really I wanted to use the program to help me I was not uh I mean I wasn't really in the gutter I'm work worked every day and uh The Willpower is is really amazing I was almost the first one to work and deathly sick if you're sick like that with a flu you'd stay in bed but because you're drinking and you got your pride you get up and and go to work it was increasingly difficult because of the depression and just didn't have the energy to be a salesperson and I think uh influenced my earnings quite a bit you know you don't follow up you don't really get in and really dig something out you just kind of pass trying and do what you're supposed to do hoping people leave you alone but that's no way to sell get rid of the booze you have all kinds of things possible you can do anything you want if you want it if you want to take up something learn a language whatever your number is you have the body and the mind you can go do it you get your s Este steam back otherwise you don't you have a couple drinks you don't feel like running around the block and so you never get those satisfaction so you drink more and I think well I know sex is a better experience when you're you're there you know you know who with and uh most of the time that's better I don't know on the daily basis today there are closed meetings where only alcoholics can go and some people feel more comfortable there and can kind of put some of the garbage out what they have on their mind a little easier you never know what you're going to hear or sometimes it's dull sometimes it's unbelievable and and it's just um with no structure at all just coming in sitting around a table this is one particular meeting where there's not even a speaker it's a small meeting you usually get called on and uh but I had been told you don't have to say a word and don't unless you want to uh I didn't want to give my name I didn't want to I just wanted to sit and listen but then as time goes on uh you will start to want to say something I'm talking about on the daily basis of like people I'm working with uh you know I I I go to do something and uh if it's wrong uh I immediately I I you know I feel stupid I feel dumb I go right back to the feelings I had as a child you know and I'm no kid I mean you can see that and and it bugs me you know I do not feel most every bit of the money to run AA comes from the members by uh passing the basket of meetings there are no subsidies there no grants no government isn't involved at all we're totally responsible I don't know how many of us came into Sur win a day at the races with Buddy Hatton noon to 3 on KSFO at 7:50 on a Tuesday morning this is the Atlanta Rhythm Section I was uh teaching and after my first baby was born I stopped teaching to stay at home and right after I had the baby I started drinking in the way that I used to drink which was to have perhaps a martini when I got up and I used to take liquor sometimes to the park and drink and watch soap operas and things like that and then finally after trying to control it and doing a lot of things to try and tell myself that the alcohol was not the problem I finally ended up in AA I really do not quite know what made me decide to go to the program the particular day that I did I I was just exhausted and I think I just wanted to go somewhere and rest there's a saying in the program which is don't drink and go to meetings and when you're first in the program you cannot imagine that that will work but that's exactly what worked for me I went to the program on a daily basis I went every day to a noon meeting and just gradually I had the experience of uh seeing people's lives change and the program in very specific ways gave me tools to help me not drink for each day things like uh eating candy and calling up people when you wanted to drink postpone owning a drink until the next day one of the big things I think that the program gives you are models you see people whose lives seem to be working and who seem happy have a certain sense of peace and joy in their lives I hadn't seen that in anyone's life for years not only people who drank but anyone and because it's an experiential thing it's not what people say it's something that you s I've done some substitute teaching since I've been sober I was very very frightened to do that and that worked out beautifully one of the things that always overwhelmed me was thinking of all the things that I had to do and then then I was back to bed today I just do one thing until that's finished the group Amer KSF four minutes before genten on behalf of Captain wck and the other crew members we would like to say goodbye to you now we do hope this flight with Air Canada has been a pleasant one good evening and thank you for being with us oh this is Prince Albert's Gateway Roundup this is uh a gathering of members female and male Alcoholics Anonymous plus we have people here who are in alanon and altine we get together and we have uh sort of like a big convention we have speakers we have a big banquet tonight plus we after that we have um uh entertainment they have a dance we've got people from all over Canada from uh the east coast and the maritimes to uh the West Coast Vancouver Victoria basically though I think most of the people from the Western prairies yeah over there then tomorrow morning we have a big outdoor breakfast at the DNR picnic grounds and that's really just hundreds of people gather there you take eggs for 3,300 people they average about two each we've ordered 7,200 eggs and 500 lb of bacon and this is uh the thick sliced bacon it's not thin bacon and they'll clean it all up we ran out of eggs last year we have a few more this year gallons of juice got hundreds of gallons of coffee of course and uh they have to wait in line for breakfast but nobody Minds give that man three eggs there he said he need little bacon on that one morning hello how are you you're back on the job again Brown how are you morning how are you feel good think you go to L morning I'm supposed to have the juice here oh well you're a good girl put out cups E I don't want anybody else to pour because I've had years of experience okay not at this Stu though so stand by for our special Gateway Roundup Wake Up Shake Up [Applause] Show what do you do for a living please I ask I'm judge of the district court a judge is that allowed well certainly it's allowed uh I'm not drinking now I haven't had a drink for over 13 years wow one of my friends the other day said I've been dry so long I was F haard Janine F from Winnipeg Janine F from Winnipeg you been sober Janine 21 days tomorrow the program a little over 5 years you came day when you were 30 you're too young to stop drinking well that's what I thought I but I uh well it was taken too much time and uh to much money and and people were saying unkind things to me lovely lady you didn't turn into a drunk did you yes I'm afraid I did Jack um K it's hard to it's hard for me to accept that that you were a drunk it was hard for me to accept that too I just want to thank everybody for allowing us to be here at what I thought was a secret organization but what it isn't I guess it's not a secret is an anonymous organization that's what I've got please have much good luck in the future God bless you all goodbye we'll see you goodbye [Applause] now I I love the way AA remained kind of an anarchy almost from the beginning it just is and it just runs and I I love that and I see that running through its history too they have always been drunks and one of them was a man named Bill W we call him was in Brooklyn at the time he'd been a classic alcoholic case in the sense that he'd been successful and he' worked hard and he was married and you know and drank and drank and drank and drank and um he was desperate to find some kind of solution to his problem and was turning over all kinds of stones he somehow managed to get sober for a short period of time uh through something that was going on at the time called the Oxford movement had nothing to do with drunks but he somehow managed to collect a little sobriety and was traveling out in Ohio and lo and behold felt the urge to drink again he was somehow able to put two thoughts together which had to do with holding his sobriety by sharing his experience with another alcoholic that was a new thought where he got it I don't know but it was I mean nobody in history had ever had that idea before through a local clergyman bill was put in touch with another alcoholic a Dr Robert Smith who was a local surgeon in in um in akan and he actually went out and talked to that doctor and the doctor was able to see the alcoholism and the recovery in this man and was able to trade on the spiritual experience coming through the one toone communication the net of it was is that the doctor in acran got sober too simply by being able to share in the other man's experience and ultimately 5 years later those two people had grown to 100 and those 100 people had managed to stay sober and the process was very simple the alcoholism is not catching but the recovery is the recovery from alcoholism is contag that's really the principle that in 1935 by whatever Miracle they they got on to and uh that's why I'm sober today otherwise I would be dead Bill started writing the book in the summer of 1938 and they felt in order to carry the program further they needed to put down what their experience had been where they hoped to goiy and the consensus of of this group was that they had gone through distinct steps that they happen to number 12 uh and they're just laid out one by one in other words it was really just as simple as that this these 12 steps without doubt are the basis of the AA program not a set of rules it's a road map it's a see it's not about not drinking it's about how to live a day at a time by 1978 the big book had been translated into about 10 languages uh there are meetings uh in over 90 some countries so it isn't that difficult to to share experiences anywhere you go basically I started with drinking at 17 years old and I always drank to get drunk I never drank to be sociable you know you know can take one and put it down it always had to be all or nothing at all so about a year and a half ago the company said I really had to do something and I entered the program and my thought of people in AA was that there were a bunch of drunks you know because my father was a drunk very bad drunk and he hung out in the back and he wore dirty clothes and he smelled to high heaven and uh that was my conception of what um People in AA was the Salvation Army type thing with the deric and uh here I was a businessman owning a house and having a family and uh still employed had never lost a job because of alcohol I couldn't see myself in this role but I said you know I'll give them a chance you know I'll go there and learn what it's all about because my job was behind it so I started going to the noon meeting from work and looking around the room I saw that there were happy faces there there were people who seemed to be prospering and uh prospering in a sense they were getting some sort of new understanding of what life was all about and I wanted to be if not like them I wanted to have that particular understanding and and goodness for myself and uh slowly but surely it started to get a little better [Music] I'm running up 10 m a day now um I'd like to get it up past uh 15 m a day because my eventual goal is to running the New York City marathon before when I was actively drinking anytime that I attempted anything large I always backed off on it you know I always walked away from it and say oh well I didn't really want to do it anyway when all the time I wanted to do it but I was so afraid of failing that I would take and go get drunk and uh set up some sort of um reason for not attempting to finish or or carry through with something okay I'm not drinking a day at a time and going to AA and I don't have those excuses so I pretty much feel that I can complete the race you know it's a a matter of personal Pride that I'd like to do it in three and a half hours but I doubt if I'll would do that if I don't make it in three and a half I won't be disappointed if I make it that's just good enough for me okay we've got these 12 steps now the last of these steps deals with carrying the message to the alcoholic who is still drinking we are but we're not really doing it I think in the way that a lot of people think we are what really happens regardless of the mechanics of it are simply that that the alcoholic the recovered alcoholic is sharing his spiritual awakening with the person calling for help the impact of this is is is fantastic because the person calling for help is generally calling from the bottom of the barrel I mean you don't call for help when everything is terrific myself so I received a call that so and so has a drinking problem that she wants held from AA I uh remember going to see this girl in my neighborhood spending a few hours with her she was drinking she told me how she felt I knew how she felt because I have been there myself then we agreed uh to meet at a a a meeting and she came over and it is a pleasure every time I see that woman believe me she got married since uh she looks good that's the kind of thing that happens in AA all the time may I help you sir yes I on register told together when I came into the fellowship one of the first things that that my sponsors told me was stick with the winners and they insisted that I go to conventions and that was the greatest learning period of my time and if it's a weekend convention it all starts pretty organized and pretty distant on Friday and it picks up in Tempo by Saturday and by Sunday everybody's in a frenzy there you there's John oh hi Cindy how you you missed the h& today time when I was drinking in New Jersey I must have been about 19 years old and I was on a picnic with some Dolly out on the Palisades and I was chasing her and I drank so much I couldn't catch her but you know there was the illusion of catching [Applause] her on behalf of the entire membership of the Evans Avenue group I would like to take this time to welcome our speakers when you see people with 17 18 20 years and and and just know that that none of us would be there if we had continued to drink even a few more weeks or a few more months the way we had that were all there on uh on borrowed time and it kind of uh underscores I think and maybe makes possible the Euphoria everybody experienc because whether we say it or not we all know that it's a second shot for us welcome you we love you and above all keep coming B thank you [Applause] [Music] I think when I got sober I started to become more of who I really am and I really am an artist and I mean I never should have been someplace else but I was always afraid to really try to be an artist afraid to really try to be a professional artist you know pay your rent with it and that fear kept me from doing any of it and through my sobriety I mean I would talk about it in AA meetings to or there was a lot of help there a lot of support a lot of you can do it just go ahead and try people you know who maybe have gone the same path um with their own art with their own art you know it's that believing in yourself you know for a change I mean I I could do neat things when I was still drinking but I never believed in any of it and now I actually believe in my own designs I believe in that you know this this kind of jewelry they enjoy it you know that's um that's all due to being silver you know and it's had its ups and downs and its good days and its bad days and the days when I didn't want to go to a meeting and the days when I did the whole gamut that's what's neat the whole gamut not just one side of a story anymore you know that's what's scary sometimes too I mean it's like you have a choice now Pam you either can get off the or you know and get out there and risk living uh and fall down occasionally and win a few and lose a few I just I didn't do that I didn't take the risk before my main art has always been music writing and singing and playing the guitar and the piano and it's always been my main love um one of the one of the differences I noticed as soon as I got sober which is really funny I could hear a sound sounds a lot better when I got so so I write music and play it it's not professional though when I'm confused you know what to say just slow down girl take it day by day you don't come easy you don't come F to choose living and leave you dying in the past Easy Does It F if you know what I mean easy does it if you know what I mean no actors appear in this film Real members of Alcoholics Anonymous have shared their experience special filming techniques have been used throughout to protect the anonymity of living AA members