A happy human being (1968)

Bill how is a who cannot walk or talk or use his hands in 1941 when he was 17 he was confined to a mental institution in the north of England there he was classified as a imbecile concentration nil communication nil after struggling for years to make people realize his intelligence and after years of trying to communicate that intelligence he set himself to writing a short book about his life and thoughts which took him 11 years of sustained [Music] effort I was born on August the 13th 1924 in Liverpool when I was two my parents realized I wasn't like other children and the doctors told Mom that it was probably due to her difficult confinement that I had been born a after I spent 2 years in hospital they advised her to take me home and look after me for as long as she could I don't remember much about my father he died when I was four but I do remember our house I used to watch from the window and it was wonderful to see the horses and carts the people and the children playing [Music] outside but As I Grew Older older I became more aware of my situation mom took me out once when I was eight and everything was fine until we passed two little girls I suddenly realized they were laughing at me and from that day on I've always felt self-conscious after all I have feelings just like anyone else but some people think because I look like a halfwit that I am one well I'm not mom realized As I Grew Older that I was becoming more conscious of what was wrong with me especially through other people's reactions to me but she never spoiled me and I was never hidden away sometimes she used to take me and my sister out for day trips to Blackpool and quite often when I'm listening to my favorite composers I think of those times by the sea [Music] [Music] music is the most important thing in my life I can listen to it on equal terms I suppose another thing I used to like to do at home was listen to the radio I felt it really put me in contact with the outside world we interrupt this broadcast for an important announcement the Prime Minister Mr Neville chamblin will now address the nation we heard Ward been declared I didn't really know what it meant but I was soon to find out [Music] thank you now Bill listen to me mommy has to talk to you I'm getting far too old to look after you properly and I can't manage as well as I would like to I think think it would be better for you to go somewhere where there are others like you and they have proper chairs for boys like you and the nurses can look after you better than I can it isn't that I want I realized she was speaking the truth and I took it in good heart the day they came for me was Christmas Eve 1941 I think it's them though they're here will enjoy help yes will you come in please can he walk no B the nurses will look after you just do what they tell you will be come on we going for a ride okay [Music] when we got to the hospital two nurses took me into a dormatory undressed me cut my hair and washed me then I was put to bed but I couldn't sleep sleep I was thinking about my dear Mom and Home in the end I just put my head under the sheet and cried at home mom used to understand all my little nods and smiles and signs but here I was among strangers who thought that I was an imbecile how could I explain to the doctors that I had a pain in my chest except by crying and screaming how could I explain that I understood their remarks it was just as if I wasn't a person at all as if I didn't exist I felt so lonely that my health started to get worse I caught pneumonia and then I got TB soon I started to cough up blood I felt so desperate that if I'd been able to I would have walked out and thrown myself in the river but there was only one way out and that was to fight my illness I was determined to win through [Music] in 1947 the doctor told me that I was cured of TB and that I could get up for the first time in 3 years [Music] soon I was moved to a new Ward called ivywood I'd always wanted to live there and this put new life into me during the next few years I was still considered an imbecile but I became more and more determined to get through to someone at last in August 1947 one nurse realized that I did have intelligence hello Bill how's it going that's fine tell me Bill can you read would you like to learn how to well I've got something here that might help you now this is the alphabet there's 26 letters in the alphabet and I want you to learn them all off by Art start a b c I'd never been educated before and however OD I tried I just couldn't keep the sounds of the alphabet in my mind at all then as time went by I found I could make make up a few words though the nurses made some stencils for me and I thought it would be nice to write a letter to mom but I found that my brain worked with my limbs as if the wires were crossed my right somehow manages to become my left and if I want to do something I have to try very hard to do it in the opposite way once I had mastered stenciling I look around for something better one of the nurses made me an alphabet board and with lots of practice I'm managed to communicate after a fashion but I wasn't really satisfied and then one day I had an idea right Ty brighter bill it was no good for my digestion lying on the floor shaking for 10 minutes before I even hit the keyboard and how I desperately needed that education I didn't have then one day the nurse suggested that I write my life story of course I just laughed because I thought you needed brains to write a book but gradually the idea grew and on Saturday October the 25th 1958 I started my story on the back of an old birthday card My Wish for an education came true in 1959 when I went to the hospital school for the first time I was taught to read and correct my book and learned about other things in the world I was introduced to poetry which I'd never heard before school was one afternoon a week and we used to go to the Social Club where we listened to music and had a meal often I feel quite sorry for some of the other mental patients I'm always trying to understand why there should be so many of these people people who didn't harm anyone but who just aren't the same as everyone else I stra my to my face I scra my to I turn my I scrap my hand to my face I scrap my to my face I turn my during my my 29 years here I've had plenty of time to think about God and religion I may not have got much out of it but I do know it's better to tell the truth than to lie and I know it's better to be free and to know things rather than to be ignorant I suppose I'm still a non-believer though all the same I don't think I've done too badly so far I've had my ups and downs but I think that my mind seems to improve as time goes on and what with this physio theapy I've just started why I feel quite young again to me it's the quality of life that matters and now I can express myself I'm not just observing life I'm taking active part in it after all I'm just as much a part of society's anyone else even if I do have to be totally dependent on the wonderful nurses here no I really wrote my little story to show a few other people in my state that if they only have the opportunity they can achieve all manner of things let's face it to be a is awful but if we have the willpower if we can express our opinions if we can only be given all the help and education early in life then we can stop thinking that we're a useless burden on society and start taking our part in it I feel that these people who think we are found better off dead just don't know what they're talking about they don't know how wonderful life can be even for people like us when I'm in my little room where it's quiet where I'm left in my thoughts in my poetry and my music I feel I'm the most happy person in the world [Music]